So You Find Yourself Living In L.A. (Part 3)

aka a compilation of unrelated crap


Hey, don't knock it... that subtitle is soo L.A.

These are just a few more things that have come to my attention here:





1. People in Los Angeles don't seem to understand basic elevator etiquette.

Seriously. Every time I'm in an elevator and I get to my destination (most frequently the bottom floor of my apartment building) I am greeted by a moderate swarm of mostly girls who don't seem to understand that you wait until the people inside the elevator get out before boarding yourself, rather than springing on the unsuspecting rider and packing him/her/them into the back of the car without any means to get out... seriously, I was almost late for class today because this happened and there was no way to get out before the elevator went back up to another floor. I had to ride the damn thing down all over again and push my way through another onslaught when I reached the first floor. Is it really that hard to understand that you let people off first? Seriously? Come on L.A. Get with the program.

As a side note, I have started taking a few countermeasures for this problem

• Standing so close to the elevator door that my nose touches it, standing up perfectly straight, and staring blankly forward with my eyes as wide as possible... it usually freaks people out and thereby grants me enough time to get off the elevator while the swarmers step back in surprise/fear.
• Making a loud/painful screech just before the doors open
• Pretending to zip my pants up and wiping a hand on the door as soon as it opens
• Leaving my backpack at the front of the elevator, thereby tripping those too anxious to ride the sweet, sweet elevator.

2. My roommate failed his online alcohol education course 5 times.

Seriously. I didn't know this was even possible. I took shots to this damn thing while I was taking it and went through approximately one whole fifth of rum. I still passed the first time without any effort at all. He failed so many times the site stopped working, and he is unable to log back in. I am 100% baffled.

3. My hallway is so dead they have earned my wrath in the form of ironic music choice.

Everyone in my hall is dead quiet. Seriously. I haven't seen or heard anything from anyone. I know it's an 'apartment' (dormpartment) and all, but still... introduce yourselves, people. Nobody even has whiteboards out for me to leave a note on, or possibly penis. So, I retaliate by blasting music that is unabashedly ironic for someone on one of America's richest campuses: Dead Kennedys (Kill the Poor), Rage Against The Machine (Take the Power Back), ... etc

I have yet to receive any comment from anyone.

4. When people here put a hilarious mustache on the sign for their store, expect the clerk/owner of that store to posses that exact mustache.

There is no way for me to convey how funny this story was... suffice it to say the guy's mustache a thing of legend. Also, he got bonus points for having a portrait of Zapata on his wall. ... I don't think I got any bonus points for going "ZAPATA!" upon entering.

5. Miller beer is disgusting, yet also disgustingly cheap.

Seriously. $12 for a 24-pack, and my roommate is buying. ... it's been "Miller time" pretty often these past few days.

Also:

• 3-Olives O'clock
• Tequila Tuesday
• Hump day Hefeweizen
• SoCo Saturday
• Jaeger.... uh, we don't actually have one for this one, it's just good...
• and of course Bacardi Bedtime

I think that's all for now.