WDR's Superbowl Celebration!

Watching it NOT for the commercials.

As you are aware (unless you've been living under a rock without TV for the last forty years) the Superbowl is this Sunday. This year features the Indianapolis Colts v. the New Orleans Saints.

So, what is WDR doing to celebrate? Well, I'm pretty sure that Nic and I are going to round up some beer and Cheez Doodles and yell at the television. Joe, I'm sure, will do something that has nothing to do with football, but may involve Cheez Doodles (or some variant) and vodka. We wish him the best of luck with that.

As you may know, Nic is a Saints fan and, as such, is actually emotionally invested in the outcome of this game. I'm sure he'll elaborate on this soon.For me, I'd like to see the Saints win just as an underdog. Most of all, though, I want it to be a good game.

Now, it seems that everyone has a prediction about who will win and why. I'm not going to do that here. Instead, I'm going to share the best predictor I have found for the Superbowl winner: Tecmo Bowl.

That's right, the regular Nintendo football game has been calibrated to play out the Superbowl with the current Colts and Saints players. Someone seems to do one of these every year and every year they have predicted the winner accurately (that I have seen). The scores usually aren't even close to right, but the outcome always is. What do we have this year? YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO WATCH TO FIND OUT!


Tecmo Super Bowl XLIV from Alex Quigley on Vimeo.

I just like this because the game itself is THE BEST FOOTBALL VIDEO GAME EVER. Some will complain that the graphics suck, but that's minor. And have you noticed that anytime someone goes for punt or field goal that it is much more exciting than watching the event in real life? They make it look like the craziest shit is about to go down. The field goals are so long that you can actually SEE THE CURVATURE OF THE EARTH. If that's not awesome, I don't know what is.

Well, enjoy your Superbowl, everyone!

Nic Ouzo's Wild European Adventure: There's a Reason Why You Can Never Find A "Dutch" Restaurant

One of the initial questions I had when I first found out I was going to the Netherlands for the summer, was what exactly is Dutch cuisine (this gives you a good idea of what my priorities are in life). And even though the person I was asking had lived in Holland for 3 months, she couldn't give me much of an answer. And now here I am, three months later, and I too can't give much of an answer.

My initial guess would have been that the great Dutch dish was some sort of herring on a stick, and I probably wouldn't have been too far off in that assessment. I seem to recall seeing that sort of dish around, though not in pushcart form (I've been in New Yawk for too long). However, my sense of what would really constitute Dutch cuisine may be a bit off since I'm living in The Hague, which is truly an international city. Not only does one get to view beautiful women of all races from every corner of the globe, but one gets a diverse sampling of various international dishes. And what I've really learned is that the Dutch don't really know how to cook Thai food.



The one true Dutch dish is apparently French Fries. That's it. You can get all sorts of sauces with them, but the Dutch go apeshit for mayonnaise. In fact, all of North/Central Europe loves to drench their food in the stuff, which is bad news bears for me. For you see, even though I'm an incredible fatass, the one healthy choice I've ever made was to decide not to like mayonnaise--it makes me so sick that I can barely listen to the Smashing Pumpkins song, even though it's brilliant. Combine that with my recent decision to try to eat somewhat healthy, kicking out some old favorites, with french fries being the first to go. Needless to say, I have not partaken in a Dutch classic.



However, the Dutch have proved themselves capable of one thing, and that's making a sandwich. Which is a good thing, since it's about the one relatively inexpensive thing you can buy. It's not just that they prepare a good sandwich and you can find one everywhere (they're big fans of selling truck-stop style sandwiches, which is decent train-food), but that they're very creative in making new recipes. In fact there are two that I want to import to the US--one is a spicy chili sauce chicken mixed with a lightly-fried mushroom sandwich, while the other is a concoction sure to give Joe Reefer half-a-chub: ham, cheese, and pineapple, and all toasted. We should all bow down to our Dutch sandwich masters.

One thing you will find in Holland is American fast food. McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Subway--all are here. Now some will lament how Americanized everything has become (I remember shedding the metaphorical tear when I saw a T.G.I.Friday's in Thessaloniki), but hell, these places provide really convenient cheap food right when you need it most, especially later at night (because everything in Holland shuts down at like 6 pm). So I felt better about this American influence, at least until I rode the train to Vienna with some University of Florida students. Oh, they were fine enough people, but after hearing them complain about how the food sucks in Europe and how THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT BUFFALO SAUCE is, I was ready to give up. Of course, if we left the Dutch on their own to approximate American food, we'd end up with only stuff like this:



I actually just visited this place, and there really isn't even fried chicken on the menu--it's a bunch of Turks selling things like crappy falafel. Whatever, I'll go get myself a crazy pineapple sandwich and call it a day.

Stuff That You Should Be Aware Of: Taste Test Edition

If you know any of the men behind WDR, you would be quite familiar with our various attempts at food experimentation, in all its various forms. In fact, we co-authored a study on the various permutations of "Skittlebräu", where we discovered that Sprite Remix provided the most consistent results, and that if you dropped the Skittles in certain SoBe flavors, you would create the hardest substance this side of a diamond. Not only do we seek interesting combinations, but we are always looking out for the bizarre. If we see something strange, we pick it up--that's how we know of the awesomeness of Ol' Glory Energy Drink (a key ingredient of the "Flag Burner"), or all the 27 varieties of Kit-Kat bars that they've come up with in the past 18 months.

While we pride ourselves in our abilities, we have to tip our hat when others do a better job. The A.V. Club has an excellent running series of "Taste Tests" that provide hilarious reactions to various oddball items that hit the storeshelves. But this week's entry takes the cake: Cheeseburger In A Can. I shit you not. And the consensus was what you'd expect--absolutely delicious.

While you should read the whole entry yourself, I'd also like to point to a link that somebody posted to in the comments: Steve, Don't Eat It! Steve has apparently tried the most terrifying food products imaginable, the kind of things that you gloss over without a second look, or just feed to your dog. Plus, you learn things, like how to make your very own Prison Wine! See, WDR is also about the children--we educate!

WDR Returns!...With A Vengeance!...YES

OR: How We Spent Our Winter Vacation


Some of our more perceptive readers (i.e., the ones who aren't here just for our dirty pictures/Ronnie Coleman breakfast recipes) may have noticed a slowdown in our production. Then again, considering our Sitemeter numbers, there's a good chance that's not the case, since we're averaging similar numbers with or without new content. Nevertheless, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling towards freedom. And irreverence, I guess. Because that's how we roll.

I imagine some of you are wondering just why we weren't filling up the [other word for "blogosphere", because it's a horrible term] with our mindless ramblings, well, the answer is simple. It's because we were all together, in the same city at the same time (if we were occupying the same space at the same time, we'd have some sort of Physics Anomaly that would result in the ending of Timecop being played out in reality--you'd have to consult our Resident Practitioner of the Black Arts of Physics, Joe Reefer, for further study). You might think that having all three co-authors of the blog might lead to enhanced productivity, but you would be sadly mistaken. All it does is lead to incredible, incredible destruction. If you thought that what happened when I had my mini-vacation in July was bad, you're in for quite the shock.



Sorry Rasheed for all the mess. We might just sweeten your perks package by giving you free Equal for your coffee during your unpaid internship here.

All we were able to accomplish was drinking. A lot of it. We're talking epic here. We weren't even able to accomplish more modest goals of specific movie nights, much less work on the blog due to the sheer amount of alcohol being poured down various gullets. To say the "beer flowed like wine" would be an understatement. But now the holidays are over, and everyone is separated, and finally, progress shall be accomplished. And the drinking shall be done (relatively) alone.

To sum up: Drinking + WDR authors = Hilarity!
Drinking + WDR authors together = Chaos.
And Destruction.

Nevertheless, the holidays weren't a total washout. We were able to brainstorm about potential column ideas, some of which may be better than others (which will probably be a function of our state of inebriation at the time of inspiration (with the function of course being "more shitfaced = more awesome idea!")). One such idea was the creation of a drink I'd like to call "Mr. Festive", or as it will be known around most office Christmas parties, "The Babymaker".

It's a relatively simple concept that's perfect for the Christmas season. People are always looking to put liquor into their Egg Nog, because they are kind of unwilling to just soak in the delicious nogness of the beverage (that, and I guess they'd rather have the added benefit of getting wasted while downing all that delicious fat and calories--I call it the "regret multiplier"!) That's where my inspiration came into play. What could be a better Holiday Combo Offering than Peppermint Schnapps and Egg Nog?! It's like your drinking a Crack Candy Cane! Drunk Santa heartily approves.



So "Mr. Festive" is simply a nice big shot of Ice 101 and a scotch-glass sized offering of Nog, resulting in an unholy marriage that puts you in a holiday spirit that's sure to annoy Janice in Accounting. "Ice Nog" or "Nog 101" (as Joe and Zhuang call it) is sure to lead to many a drunken grope at your Office Party, but the price of a few sexual harassment suits (and I guess paternity suits as well) are worth it when considering the joy you'll get from drinking one or nine of these delicious cocktails. All this solidifies my stake to the claim of "Food Alchemist", as seen in my previous attempts of combining random foods (See: Macaroni & Cheese and Curry; Raisin Bagels with American Cheese). And with the great possibility of me acting the fool due to the inclusion of My Kryptonite, Everybody Wins!

So sit back, everybody, and grab yourself a Mr. Festive (if you have an unexpired jug of Nog). It's going to be a fantastic 2008 for WDR.