I don't think that word means what you think it means...

Now I haven't used the blog to rant too much about easy political targets like Sarah Palin, leaving that job to HuffPo's rabid denizens and the illiterate commenterati that populate the CNN Political Ticker. God knows she's deserved some comment, but even though she's shown incredibly thin skin (she can call John Kerry a horse-face but how dare you say she looks like a slutty flight attendant) and has displayed an amazing lack of intelligence (see: everything she's ever said in public), but she's too easy a target. In other words, the job is too easy and has already been done for us.


That was before this past Fourth of July weekend, when Sarah Palin decided to, I shit you not, "declare her independence from politics as usual", as per her lawyer. Among other things, she was tired of the jokes about her. Yes, the person that ran last November for the position of backup to the most powerful office in the world (and most likely would eventually be called up to be the starter) decided to quit her job as Governor just 2 and a half years into her term, partially because of jokes. Let's let that sink in for a bit.

But this isn't the reason that I'm finally talking about Palin. No, I'm doing all this because I just want to analyze her most recent comments to the press, explaining her decision.

Palin: 'I am not a quitter; I am a fighter'

No Sarah. No no no no no. You have it exactly fucking backwards. Let me break this down for you, so you comprehend the idiocy that you have unleashed upon us.

YOU QUIT. Ergo, you are a quitter. You quit because you were tired of fighting ethics complaints, a legislature that was pissed off at you, and just in general doing the work of a Governor. Quitting is the exact thing that you just did. In other words, when the chance came for you to fight, you did not fight. WORDS DO NOT MEAN WHATEVER YOU WANT THEM TO MEAN! So the revised statement should be:

I am not a quitter fighter. I am a fighter quitter.

Hopefully this lesson proves useful to you, Sarah, as you fill out the rest of your term going on fishing vacations instead of spending that last month actually governing. I mean, you're gone at the end of the month, but why wouldn't you put off that fishing trip? If not, just be sure to blame the vagaries of the English language on Obama, because it's probably his fault.

Politics, Movies and more!

Or: A random bunch of stuff that I should have posted earlier but didn't

It's been a while since I've published a blog here on account of my being kidnapped and forced to work on a Korean freight ship. But now that I've managed to make Shawshank-esque escape, I'm back to write for you once again. But I probably won't ever smell right again...

Here's a few items.

The Saddest Guy Ever

This could be an exaggeration, but let's look at it this way. Guy kills a couple on their yacht. OK. Now, this guy is a former child star. Ouch. But wait, there's more:

"Deleon, 29, is a former child actor who allegedly boasted that he was a star on the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers but apparently had only a small part in one episode."



Wow. This guy sucks so much that he bragged about being on Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. To me, this really negates the headline of "Former Child Star found guilty in yacht killings" (Headline on front page of CNN). I mean, this guy was NOT a child star. It's like me saying that I was a movie star for a small part I played in a student film. This guy is as much a child star as Karl Rove is human. I was expecting it to be somebody like one of the Savage brothers ("The Murder Years" or "Boy Meets Homicide" would be likely headlines).

Sarah Palin

I know that everyone has been talking about this woman and all of the strange shit that comes along with her, (The "If Canada and Wisconsin Had a Bastard Child" accent, an obvious lack of knowledge of important policies and documents, questionable firings and attempted book bans to name a few.) but I just want to say a little bit. First off, the VP debate was amazing. I took full advantage of whatever substances I could find before I watched this thing and it was well worth it. I'm fine with having her in the debate. I'm fine with her making brownies. Hell, I'm fine with her being the governor of Alaska. But I am not comfortable with someone like that being VP. We did it with Dan Quayle years ago and we don't need a female version of that. In a statement inspired by one of my favorite musicians, "All the drugs in this world won't save us from her."

Also, check this shit out. Too much fun...

G-Dub in da Whitehouse!

Like a good friend of mine, (who had me as a guest for the VP debate get together) I just saw the new Oliver Stone film W. There isn't a whole lot else to say that isn't covered in his blog, but let me just state that this is a great film that, most likely, is honest about the president. It's really the story of a guy who tries to do right but fucks up all along the way. I'm not saying that defends what he's done as president. But what I am saying is that a film like this can make you look at a guy like Bush and go "Holy shit; now I know how this guy became president." In many ways it's a scary film because it shows how so many terrible things happened. And most of the time they happen because the guy in charge is way too trusting of his advisers (like Dick "Vice" Cheney, played amazingly by Richard Dreyfus) and generally prone to making bad decisions.

It's a great film. Go see it if you haven't already.

I Bit Off a Bit More Than I Could Swallow

Also in movies, I recently saw Choke, the newest film adaptation of a Chuck Palahniuk book. Initially I was a bit skeptical about whether or not this film would be good because of the amount of sex in the book. I mean, the book is about a sex addict that isn't holding anything back. Still, I was pleasantly surprised to find that film was pretty faithful to the book and didn't leave a whole lot out. There were a few parts that were cut for the film version, but the parts that were cut weren't too important to the overall story.

The look of the film, I thought, was a bit too light for a Palahniuk story. I guess I was still thinking more along the lines of a David Fincher sort of dark, dank and saturated sort of look. I guess the clean and bright look of Choke was more appropriate for a comedy.

This is another one to go see. Also, look for Chuck in the film; he makes an appearance. Also, I loved that the film ended with Radiohead's "The Reckoner."

The Nintendo Wii is Way Too Much Fun

I've been playing a lot of Wii lately and I must say that this thing is amazing. It's a dangerously fun system and one that I might have to get my hands on when I have enough money to. This probably won't happen until I can get, I dunno, a job of sorts. But really, I never thought that playing a golf video game would be fun, but the Wii managed to make it so. TWICE! Also, Paper Mario is some trippy shit.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I mentioned this in another blog, but it's worth bring back up because now the new season is on TV. I've only been able to catch a couple of episodes because I don't have cable, but I like what I've seen. Great stuff. And, I mean, I've got to give props to a famous UO alum when I can. Oh, and the third season is on DVD now, so that's also awesome.

Paul Newman

I don't know how this managed not to get mentioned a long time ago, but we lost Paul Newman. This guy wasn't just an awesome actor, but he also gave a shit load of money to charity and made some awesome popcorn (I mention the last part because it relates to the first). I think we should all celebrate the man by watching his films. I'm going to do my part and watch Cool Hand Luke again. Brilliant, man.

Obama, Bitches!

Yeah, we all know that the WDR crew is a bunch of Obama supporters, but now it looks like he'll actually win. By a lot. This makes me very happy. Initially I wasn't too thrilled about Biden for the VP, but he's grown on me a bit. Also, it's not like having Biden for VP was going to change my vote. But I'm happy with the direction things seem to be going.

The Economy

I don't claim to understand how the economy works. I didn't really pay attention in my economics classes. But I do remember my professors talking about how the market was controlled, in part, by methods to limit extreme growth/decline. This was some measure taken after the 1929 crash to ensure that such a thing wouldn't happen again. So, I kind of assumed (foolishly) that the people who keep track of the market were doing the right things. Then one day I find out that my bank was bought up. Then I hear that we're (by that I mean the government that we pay taxes to) setting up a bail-out for the ailing banks. I wish I got billions of dollars when I was out of money. Instead I get a $27 fee for not having enough money. Funny how this shit happens.

Anyway, let's hope that things improve. Like I said earlier, I need to find a job of some sort in the near future.

The End?

It seems we've made it here. I can't believe you've actually read this far. For this you are rewarded.



Enjoy.

Why We Shouldn't Care About West Virginia

There's a reason why Deadspin always refers to The Mountain State as West Fuckin' Virginia (wait a minute, that's their nickname? Goddamn, that'll just about prove every point I'm going to make from here on out). And it's not a compliment, folks.

No, West Virginia is the kind of state where this happens. That's right, over 60% of the voters in West Virginia thought that Hillary's "Gas Tax Holiday" idea was a bang-up idea, good show, and all that. In West Virginia, they don't care that EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ECONOMIST says it's a failure of an idea, and that anyone who has spent more than...3 seconds thinking about the idea also realizes this is the case.

I think the fact that West Virginia not only voted for Bush once, but TWICE, should indicate the level of intelligence of the electorate there. But for once, Bush has the right words to say about that kind of thinking: