After walking the streets of New York everyday for about 18 months now, I realize how much a pain in the ass dogs can be. Sure, for their owners it can be maddening as they don't just shut the fuck up or have to be brought outside to tinkle every 4 hours, even in the bitter-ass cold. No, it's also the fact that everyone else has to deal with these dogs on a constant basis. While it's been my experience that most of these dogs that I encounter don't jump on you when you're walking around, that doesn't mean all that much--I still have to put up with all these dogs' shit. Literally.
Sometimes it makes me wish I could have brought Rambo up here with me. Or maybe go about this another way, and get myself a new pet, like this guy in Poland:
I'm just imagining the possibilities of walking down the street with a lion. It's as cute as a cat, plus you get the added bonus of maulings! It's an unbeatable combination! And maybe a visit from Lafcadio here would convince some of these assholes to pick up their dogs' shit.
So tonight I was doing the American thing and watching my television. A peculiar thing caught my ears as a new Pedigree dog food commercial started to air....
Is that David Duchovny trying to sell me dog food??
The sad truth is that I'm fairly certain it was David Duchovny trying to sell me dog food, and I have only one thing to say.... Say it ain't so, David. Has it really come to this? Your once illustrious X-Files career tainted with this... well let's just say 'likely-tainted' dog food?
The only solace I find in this quandary is that perhaps it was not in fact David Duchovny, but rather someone imitating his voice for the commercial. There was no mention of his name, nor did it appear in fine print at any point. So, maybe someone was just attempting to steal some of the age-faded Duchovny glory for their dog food empire. I've actually been wondering the same thing about the new Wendy's commercials that seem to feature Zach Braff. I don't worry so much about these, however, because Zach Braff is... let's face it... not even half the man that David Duchovny is. Mr. Braff plays a fine character on Scrubs, but honestly - he's too full of himself to be type-cast and spend the rest of his career doing something he's good at, so he'll probably blow his whole life trying to get a serious role just to prove his career isn't a joke. That will be a spectacular failure. The only other foreseeable option is that he will decide he is a director and his movies will flop worse than the real-life freeing of Keiko's willy.
For the record, while The Wayne Diego Report is also for Dogs, it is not against the Whales or the Trees as Pedigree seems to be. Additionally, The Wayne Diego Report is not for Dog Days, as Pedigree explicitly claims to be. The Wayne Diego Report is in fact against Dog Days. Please, Join us in our fight.
