I don't think that word means what you think it means...

Now I haven't used the blog to rant too much about easy political targets like Sarah Palin, leaving that job to HuffPo's rabid denizens and the illiterate commenterati that populate the CNN Political Ticker. God knows she's deserved some comment, but even though she's shown incredibly thin skin (she can call John Kerry a horse-face but how dare you say she looks like a slutty flight attendant) and has displayed an amazing lack of intelligence (see: everything she's ever said in public), but she's too easy a target. In other words, the job is too easy and has already been done for us.


That was before this past Fourth of July weekend, when Sarah Palin decided to, I shit you not, "declare her independence from politics as usual", as per her lawyer. Among other things, she was tired of the jokes about her. Yes, the person that ran last November for the position of backup to the most powerful office in the world (and most likely would eventually be called up to be the starter) decided to quit her job as Governor just 2 and a half years into her term, partially because of jokes. Let's let that sink in for a bit.

But this isn't the reason that I'm finally talking about Palin. No, I'm doing all this because I just want to analyze her most recent comments to the press, explaining her decision.

Palin: 'I am not a quitter; I am a fighter'

No Sarah. No no no no no. You have it exactly fucking backwards. Let me break this down for you, so you comprehend the idiocy that you have unleashed upon us.

YOU QUIT. Ergo, you are a quitter. You quit because you were tired of fighting ethics complaints, a legislature that was pissed off at you, and just in general doing the work of a Governor. Quitting is the exact thing that you just did. In other words, when the chance came for you to fight, you did not fight. WORDS DO NOT MEAN WHATEVER YOU WANT THEM TO MEAN! So the revised statement should be:

I am not a quitter fighter. I am a fighter quitter.

Hopefully this lesson proves useful to you, Sarah, as you fill out the rest of your term going on fishing vacations instead of spending that last month actually governing. I mean, you're gone at the end of the month, but why wouldn't you put off that fishing trip? If not, just be sure to blame the vagaries of the English language on Obama, because it's probably his fault.