It has recently come to my attention that Martial Arts superstar Steven Seagal was spotted in
Eugene, OR of all places. You may be saying to yourself, "That doesn't make any sense." Well, the validity of of this story is actually of very little consequence because whether or not Steven Seagal was actually in
Eugene, the story is funny.
So, the story will be told as it was told to the person who told me ( I know; friend of a friend bullshit but bear with me here). Some names will be changed too (We’ll call him Conner), but most anyone reading this probably won't know/give a shit about anyone in the story except for the aforementioned Steven Seagal. Here it is:
I'm hanging out at Indigo (a bar) with a couple of my friends. We meet up with some girls and start talking to them. There were four girls, and me and my two buddies (Sean and Keith) were talking to three of them. The fourth girl was hanging out with some huge dude with a ponytail. He looked familiar, and I soon realized that it was Steven Seagal.
Immediately I tell my buddies about my discovery. We all thought this was pretty hilarious. Then we invited these girls back to my apartment to hang out and have some beers. They had to get their friend first, and with her the action superstar.
Upon leaving the bar, a drunken Seagal immediately heard some people yelling down the street and yelled back, “Shut the fuck up! I could kill all of you!” No doubt this was true…
After a few beers, my friend Sean went out to have a smoke, and he saw some guy lying in the doorway. He went over to him and said, “What the fuck are you doing?” The man was Seagal, who responded with, “I’m having a cigarette.”
“Why is your leg in the door?” Sean asked.
“So I can get back in.”
“Dude, you’re fucked up, man.”
“Fuck you!”
Sean closed the door. He came back up to my apartment and told me what happened. Right about this time I heard Seagal ranting outside.
“Conner you asshole! Let me back into the apartment! We were having fun. I’ll kick your ass!”
“Steven Seagal, you need to go home.”
“Fuck you, man! You fucking asshole!”
I can only assume that he stumbled off to wherever Steven Seagal would wander off to, and probably beat the shit out of some people on the way. Maybe he also pulled of some wicked guitar solo, like in this picture:
So a few days ago I came across something that was, at the very least, disturbing. You may be saying "But you live in Eugene; isn't that a regular occurance?" Well, yes, but not in the same way that this is. The reason has to do with the fact that this thing will be taking place on a national level.
That's right: Carl's Jr. (Or Hardee's for the eastern part of the country) has a shake. And it is made with Cap'N Crunch.
