More Proof That Americans Lack Basic Critical Thinking Skills

I'm burning diesel, burning dinosaur bones


We're pretty much in Campaign '08's silly season, with discussions about Paris Hilton and the ability to be a "secret Muslim" dominating the political discourse in the media. The one serious issue that actually has had some movement has been that of energy, mainly in the form of high gas prices. In the tradition of the Democratic/Republic breakdown of the party divide as being the party of no ideas vs. the party of bad ones, we have the McCain "solution" for the present high gas prices of offshore drilling for oil. And in the tradition of Americans not looking beyond the superficial merits of the case, we have the people supporting such an action by a 2 to 1 margin.

This is all despite the fact that:

1). The economic effect (at least in terms of gas prices) will be distant and minimal. What it boils down to is percentages and supply/demand curves not remaining static. Percentages in that the oil available offshore represents such a small percentage of world oil production, that it amounts to a negligible effect on world supply. As for supply and demand, one has to realize that the demand curve is only going to get sharper as other countries continue to develop (namely, China and India), so the effects of such a small increase in supply are negated even more.

2). Claims of "energy independence" are bullshit, because oil is sold on the world market. All that theoretical oil being pumped off of California or Florida is not guaranteed to stay in the US; it's just going to be sold to the highest bidder, regardless of location. So all this tough talk of not depending on the Saudis and so on and working on energy ourselves goes out the window.

3). The issue is not about drilling, it's about leases. As the Democratic leaders have tried to stress, there's no hold on drilling--it's just drilling in particular areas. Oil companies own leases to areas around the country that are double that of the area they're now angling for. Instead, the oil companies are taking advantage of the political situation, knowing full well that this is their last best chance to get their hands on these leases--because that's where the money is.

But that's not the part of the poll that bothers me. No, it's the fact that half of the people surveyed didn't believe that drilling would lower gas prices. That means there is at least 16 or so percent of people that are willing to drill for oil...without any potential benefit to them! The number may be even higher than that, since there are sure to be some environmentalist-types that are dead-set against drilling, even it provided such benefits.

Who are these people, and what happened to their brains?

Hump Day Helper -- Zack Attack Edition!

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

As we've covered before, we here at WDR are huge fans of Rage Against The Machine. We even went on an epic road trip to bear witness to their reunification. So we were quite pleased to learn that Zack de la Rocha was finally releasing some of the material that he had been "working on" during the Rage hiatus; we were even more pleased to learn that the music didn't suck.

The music would end up taking on the form of "One Day As A Lion", with Zack hooking up with former Mars Volta drummer-extraordinaire Jon Theodore, and they stealthily released an EP just last week. Since I'm all on the up-and-up, I got the one copy that was available at the local store, and have been enjoying it ever since. But then again, I always thought that the Zack part of the Rage equation was a bit undervalued.

Unfortunately, there are no actual videos from the group yet, you can still "watch" the video and enjoy the new music. And you will enjoy it, dammit!

In this era where DJs behave
Be paid to be slaves
We raid airwaves to be sane

Bringing A Smile to Any Dead Kennedys Fan

Sometimes CNN justifies its existence. Other times, not so much. But when it comes to bringing up the most random retarded stories, it has no equal.

I bring you the tale of a Milwaukee gentleman and his lawnmower. Well, the gentleman, his lawnmower, and a dangerous firearm. Surprisingly, these elements were all found in conjunction and aided by the effects of alcohol. [Shocked face]

And if you're wondering why the hell we're referencing the Dead Kennedys, then just find yourself a copy of Give Me Convenience Or Give Me Death and enjoy such kickass tunes as this one.

McCain Needs To Quit His Bitching

John McCain's 2008 campaign has been quite the monument to sheer incompetence. But because America is a little slow sometimes (I mean, there is still a sizable population that thinks Dummy McChimp has been doing a bang-up job as President, despite ALL evidence to the contrary), he is still running neck-and-neck with Barack Obama. I mean, a candidate that has betrayed all previous appearance of principles AND has decided to back just about every single policy of a failed President (see: McCain's economic policy, his relaxation of his anti-torture stance, his reversal on oil drilling, etc.)--that's just what this country is looking for, right?

And if you ask John McCain, apparently being in a close race isn't enough--he should be winning this thing, daggummit. And he would be too, if it weren't for that goshdarn media being so in looooove with Obama! That's the problem. So last week McCain put on his sad puppydog eyes and played the victim as he complained about the media's coverage of Obama's trip overseas. "It's not fair that they're covering a trip that they basically goaded Obama into taking! Why don't you pay attention to me? P.S., I'm not a crackpot!"


Of course, irony is not McCain's strong suit. McCain may love to play the victim here, but doesn't realize if he got the "equal coverage" that he believes he deserved, we would have spent way more time going over his many mistakes, like his total confusion between Sunni and Shiite groups (happened during his Mideast trip in March, and kind of important in determining how our enemies operate), that he doesn't know who the leader of Iran is (kind of important, since we're talking about relations with a potential enemy), or that he still believes there's a country called Czechoslovakia (which happened during Obama's recent trip). All this, from a candidate who claims to be the expert in foreign policy.

Now, I don't know about you, but I think I would be glad that the media didn't go to town in picking up these kinds of gaffes. Unlike most of McChimp's fuckups of the English language, these "slips" just show a painful ignorance that is dangerous for a candidate to display. Of course, what can you expect from a man who in 2008 still does not know how to operate a computer.

Now, we'll have the McCain campaign respond with a message of their own:

Hump Day Helper -- A Concession for Mr. Zhuang

Nine Inch Nails - March Of The Pigs
Uploaded by twiggirl

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

Since we just called for the head of Mr. Zhuang a few days ago, it's only fair to grant him some last requests, the most important of which would be the selection of the Hump Day Helper. While he didn't make any specific request per se (he's not answering phone calls at the moment--understandable, considering the bounty on his head), I'm certain he'd love today's choice.

And a fine choice indeed, if I may say so. Yesterday marked the physical release of the latest Nine Inch Nails album, The Slip. While I'm sure everyone who was interested already downloaded a free copy (Thanks Trent!), some of us dinosaurs still like owning a physical copy, something on our shelves that we can point to and say "look at my massive record collection with tons of awesome bands that shows my fantastic taste in music" (a look at an iTunes library just doesn't quite have the same effect). And the album is probably worth picking up even if you have it downloaded, since it's a limited edition (meaning it's a collector's item), and it comes with a live DVD that shows that the upcoming NIN tour is going to be one rocking show.

The latest single, "Discipline", is a good solid late-period work (it's definitely catchy), but I felt slightly inadequate for the HDH, even though the video has a definite goofy charm to it. No, I went with a track that gets me going from the opening drum kick, and shows a band on the very edge of chaos. Now doesn't that make you feel better?

I want to break it up
I want to smash it up
I want to fuck it up
I want to watch it come down...

Why We Have To Destroy Mr. Zhuang

It's not often that a member of WDR wishes ill upon a co-worker, much less desires to institute physical harm. So something quite dramatic has to have occurred for a bounty to be placed on one of our heads. And just such an event this past weekend.


Ever since we saw Batman Begins a few summers ago, we've been giddy with anticipation for the inevitable sequel. It was basically a perfect storm of our interests: Mr. Zhuang is a pretty big comics-head, while Joe is a superfan of Batman in general, and as for myself, I've been a dedicated follower of Begins director Christopher Nolan for some time now. And when Zhuangy made a post about a year ago with a sneak-peek at the New Joker, well, we were quite pumped.

So you can imagine how excited we were for the opening of The Dark Knight. Not only was it going to live up to the "dark" part of its title (always a good sign), but there was incredible buzz behind Heath Ledger's performance. So Joe and I were all set to head down to Eugene and enjoy the new flick "ensemble", picking up Mr. Zhuang along the way.

And what does the fucker do? He goes and watches the movie without us. At 4 in the afternoon.

Now we would have easily forgiven our friend for this trespass if he had gone in for the midnight sneak preview the night before. But going in the middle of the afternoon? To see freakin' Batman? That simply could not stand. So Mr. Zhuang must pay, even more so since we saw the movie (it was awesome, to say the least). If you see him, hit him with a tire iron or something. We'll pay you back in Jujubes.

The "M" Stands For "Moronic"

You may remember a post from way back when in which we informed you that MTV was trying to figure out what the "M" actually stood for in their name. While we never got word about what actually happened during what was sure to have been A Great Meeting of Minds, I can tell you one thing about MTV's identity crisis--the "M" sure as hell doesn't stand for music any more.

Of course, this isn't exactly new info. MTV's downward spiral has been apparent for years to anyone that cared, long before things like "My Super Sweet 16" and "The Hills" managed to depress any American with a sense of morals. But it is in this author's humble opinion that MTV has just reached a new low.

They're doing Spongebob Squarepants reruns now.



Not content to have at least one channel play reruns all day, Viacom has now decided to bestow upon its MTV channel the privilege of airing this show on a nightly basis. This absolutely bongtarded show, in the truest sense of the word. And MTV is playing up this angle, airing ads for this stating that "This is your brain on Spongebob" in a heavy monotone drug-induced voice that is familiar to any viewer of early '90s anti-drug PSA's.

I remember a time when even though MTV didn't play music videos, they'd at least make creative attempts with things like their own animated shows. "Beavis and Butthead" and "Daria" are classics, and I'm sure other people had their favorites. But now, all we get is goddamn Spongebob. Thanks MTV, we really appreciate the effort.

Hump Day Helper -- Genius of Gondry Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

Around here, we're big fans of the work of director Michel Gondry. We've always enjoyed his music videos, and the Director Series DVD of his work is something that we've watched more than a few times. Last week, Joe and I picked up a copy of Be Kind Rewind, Gondry's latest movie, and had a great time seeing his bizarro take on various blockbusters.

The beauty of Gondry is the sense of whimsy and awe that permeates his work. In a world full of mind-numbing explosions and CGI run amok, Gondry's low-budget methods and pure imagination set him apart as a true artist. Of course, if you don't believe me, I'm sure you could watch some of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and be convinced otherwise.

There's a ton of videos that we could select for this feature, but here's one that shows both Gondry's use of no-budget and his childhood sense of whimsy. That's because it has Legos!

I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating
Come and kiss me by the riverside, yeah
Bobby says it's fine he don't consider it cheating now...

Bastille Day, Bitches

This year, we here at WDR decided to have one kickass party for Bastille Day. Why? Well, we don't really need a reason to have a party, and in fact usually come up with a reason for having the party after the party has already taken place (oh yeah, we were totally having a kegger because it was Flag Day!). Well, at least that was the plan. Joe instead decided to go hang out with his girlfriend (one of many) since she was leaving for school--I mean, what a namby-pamby wuss! And actually, we didn't offer Mr. Zhuang an invitation. We just kind of assumed he was dead--at least until he commented on the Coldplay post last week. Now we don't know what to think.

So, in the end we did jackshit for Bastille Day. Instead, I took the time to honor and reflect upon someone great who was celebrating a birthday the same day. That's right, I'm talking about Tony Kornheiser!



Friends know that though I watch a lot of television, it's mainly a rational decision I've made that was the result of careful deliberation between several options of what to do with my free time. However, there are a couple of programs that are required viewing, and Tony's "Pardon the Interruption" is one of them. They're arguing about sports! It's genius! It's gold, Jerry, gold! Of course, it seems that Tony is intent on ruining my summer vacation by not showing up for work--he's had a substitute host in his place for the past three weeks, so we're kind of not on speaking terms for the moment. Dammit, I need my penguin dance!

But this all has nothing to do with the French. So I decided to come up with a list of my favorite French New Wave films, and here it is:

1). Truffaut's The 400 Blows
2). Godard's Breathless
3). Umm...I think that's it. Wait, no, I got one! The Talking Heads' Stop Making Sense

It was at the third item on the list where I realized that I had no idea really what the hell French New Wave Cinema really is (though I have found the term in French, "Nouvelle Vague", is way hilarious to read). Nor did I particularly care. I soon became lost in the wonder that is David Byrne's Big Suit, as I watched Talking Heads clips on Youtube.

So Bastille Day was a big bust. I just hope Laetitia can forgive us.



And if you think all this was just a reason to post a random picture of a hot lady, well buddy...we need all the visits we can get. I wasn't going to mention this to you, but WDR is in serious...nah, I'll tell you another time, probably when you're older. Just remember to blame Joe--he's way better at this random non sequitur stuff than I am.

Hump Day Helper -- Ghetto Blastin', Disintegrating Edition

Beck - Deadweight - Michel Gondry
Uploaded by yokadaishi

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

This week we got a new release from our favorite Futurama musical guest, Beck. Unfortunately, the album once again failed to come with the absolutely essential Rhyming Becktionary, so sucks to him on that one. But overall, Modern Guilt is a pretty chill, laid-back album that's perfect for a lazy summer day, much like Sky Blue Sky was last year.

It was tough thinking of a particular video for the Helper, since Beck has done so many awesome ones over the years. We usually like to spotlight some of the lesser-known tracks, but with Beck, haven't we all heard his songs? Though, it would have been nice to spotlight something from Mutations, which I think is Beck's best effort, front-to-back. So that's why we were originally going to use "Devil's Haircut", since we figured we'd just go with a fun Beck song.

Then my mind got to thinking (as it's wont to do): Beck... summer... sun... and then I remembered this "lost" track. I think you'll appreciate it.

Don't let the sun catch you crying...

Why Coldplay Will Never Be Good Again

The title of this post will probably cause people to respond in one of two ways--either in a "hey, I liked X&Y..." or "hey jerkass, Coldplay was never good to begin with! Bunch of whiners making crappy sappy sleepy-time music! Listen to something that rocks! (P.S. Ur Gay and Dragonforce RULEZ!!!1!)" Clearly, we traffic only in idiots around here. Or of course you'll just shrug your shoulders and go back to training for your new career in Chess Boxing. Whatever your (non-)reaction may be, it doesn't take away from the fact that you know I'm right.


I have always had a unique approach to being a Coldplay fan--namely, that I can't stand "Yellow". For most people, that trite piece of blah was their first introduction to Coldplay and how they got hooked to the band. I instead heard fairly obnoxiously mild midtempo-rock pop song with blindingly simplistic lyrics that had only a slightly interesting guitar part going for it. In other words, I was not a fan. I even remember how Coldplay was touring the Northwest extensively in those days, doing at least 3 concerts up in Port Land while "Yellow" was getting radio airplay. I had one friend ask me if I was interested in seeing them, and I responded with a quick "No way."

All that changed the second I heard "Shiver" on the radio. Though it wasn't nearly the hit that "Yellow" was, crossover or otherwise, it was the song that got me to follow Coldplay. This was an actual band here, and it was firing on all cylinders. Everyone played a part, from the titanic drums to the pulsing bass, and topped off by those beautiful shimmering guitars that played some of the most elegantly intricate and graceful leads that I had ever heard. Even the lyrics had something that a true high school loser could identify with, the silent love from afar (Everyone: Awwwwww!), which also were helped by a great performance by Chris Martin in the vocals themselves. When he launches into that bridge, you just get a certain feeling in your stomach once he hits "I sing it loud and clear", and it's enough to get a metalhead to ponder in quiet reflection for a moment.


It was soon after that I would pick up Parachutes and spend hours listening to a precocious little band that made perfect little musical vignettes, the kind of stuff that is (coincidentally) perfect for just gazing at the ceiling of your dorm room when you're feeling less than super--or just needing to chill out. And of course, as soon as I got totally into the album, Coldplay decided to not hang around the Northwest any more (except for going to Bend one time, and I am not going to go to freaking Bend). Whatever, I still had an album from a band that was interested in just making beautiful little music, yet was dense enough that I could spend hours poring over drumfills and basslines while pausing to get caught up in the majesty of the soaring guitars. Granted, a lot of this was because I was too lazy to get pot (and because I'm a nerd), but the point still stands.

Coldplay was able to keep it up with A Rush of Blood to the Head, expanding on their sound to fill the larger concert halls where they were now getting booked. It was a band that was still making delicate little music seemingly only for themselves--and you, the listener, were the only one invited to hear it--but with slightly greater ambition. That's why you have big crashing chords in "Politik", but backing delicate lyrics. It was an interesting meld between the simple and bombastic, and beyond "In My Place" (which I liken to a "Yellow, pt. 2") it genuinely worked. And then everyone else realized this, as "Clocks" and "The Scientist" became huge hits worldwide.

But the tragic part about Coldplay's success is that it invalidated the very quality that made them absorbing. When you're now The Biggest Band In The World, it's hard to make delicate personal songs that seemed to speak only to you. In other words, when you're now married to Gwyneth Paltrow, you can't be expected to write a beautifully depressing song like "Amsterdam" ever again. We're not going to believe it, and I'm sure you've moved on in your life from those dark times. Instead, you have to be conscious about your market and new-found audience, who don't really care about that personal connection that your early fans had felt.



So now that Coldplay is on top of the world, they'll never be able to reclaim their previous artistic success, because their very position invalidates what made them special in the first place. Before, it was just a bunch of innocent lads from London making good music, but now it's the aforementioned Biggest Band In The World. They'll be able to make interesting music, certainly--Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends accomplishes that, which makes it miles better than X&Y--but it'll never have the same magic as before.

Youtube Treats -- Patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched Edition

Like any good patriot, we're all still (ahem) hungover from partying during Independence Day. Actually, that's a lie. We're just celebrating another American virtue--laziness. So we're just going to pop in a video before we get back from our "vacation" to writing actual columns.

And sure, we could have used a song with maybe a better connection to the holiday, or at least more obvious--like Soundgarden's "4th of July" and Elliott Smith's "Independence Day"--but where's the fun in that? Instead, I'll indulge in the slight Better Than Ezra kick I've been on, and play a Golden Oldie from the halcyon 90's.

Well maybe I'll call or write you a letter
Now maybe we'll see on the Fourth of July
But I'm not too sure
And I'm not too proud
Well I'm not to sure
And I'm not to proud to say...