MISSING! The Best Damn College Mascot

Deadspin announced yesterday that the beloved official unofficial mascot of my alma mater was kidnapped. Immediate suspicion was cast on a motley crew of three nerds and a large oaf, but that lead in the end turned up nothing. You may ask, why should I care? And I will answer, that you sir, are a callow ass--of course you should, we're talking about the greatest mascot in history, Keggy the Keg!

I initially was skeptical of the news, considering that a similar occurrence had happened years earlier. It didn't help that the page that the story linked to was from 2003. But sure enough, the college paper reported the terrible news, making sure that the disappearance of our faithful Keg was heard by all, before we can read about new data storage centers and a killing spree in Finland.

We here at WDR shall not rest until we hear word that Keggy is returned safe and sound--if there's a scratch on him, you're not getting your deposit back!

Hump Day Helper -- Goofy Southern-Type Rock Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

Kings of Leon are a band that I've kind of enjoyed, but never felt any great love for. That being said, I have all their albums, including the new one that came out yesterday, and will pop them in from time to time. In other words, they're not like Led Zeppelin, which I actively avoid when they come up on my iTunes.

You've heard this song before. You just may not have realized it's dirty. Or that it rocks more than you thought. Enjoy the bad hair and the rollicking good time even more so.

And when she gets into your head
You know she's there to stay...

Hump Day Helper -- Live from above World Famous Ray's

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

I had embed-issues with the video I originally was going to put up for the feature (from one of the many cool bands that have albums coming out next week, making 9/23 a sort of Indie Rock Christmas), but I had to scrap that. So we have the song that's been getting me pumped just about every morning before I head off to class, and for about 10 minutes afterward I'm not thinking about sleep.

I think "Me and Mia" gets catchier every time I hear it, so I welcome you to do the same. As an added bonus, here's Ted doing one of his kickass covers.

Do you believe in something beautiful?
Then get up and be it!...

Facial hair, John Mayer and the most metal thing EVER

Oh, and some random sports crap...


As many of you already know, I live in Eugene and reside in a sketchy apartment. In an effort to fit into my surroundings, I have decided not to shave or get a haircut in quite some time (and by "effort" I mean "I don't have money and I'm lazy"). Unfortunately, the only thing that I can really grow well is a mustache, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Is the Burt Reynolds look for me? Does the mustache play? I report, you decide...

Anyway, on to bigger and better things. Or at least bigger. Last weekend was the University of Oregon's "Big Game" against Cal. Shit, even ESPN Gameday was here (and I went to see that shit at 7:30 in the morning). Having seen the last game against Cal (in Berkeley, no less), I was ready to see some redemption. Or at least see Donald Duck beat the shit out of Oski (seriously, the bear looks like a constipated old man). I was, once again, disappointed. Things seemed to be going well for the first 3 quarters (and they went by FAST...) but by the end of the third and into the fourth, the Ducks started to self destruct. Interception, fumble, blah! But it seemed as though they were going to pull it off: 19 seconds left, Ducks 5 yards from the goal line and a chance for overtime. Then: Touchdown! Wait - what's going on? Touchback? FUCK! That can't be...SHIT! That IS what happened! Play under review...stands. Cal ball." No one was even leaving. Everyone just stood and stared with a "What the fucking-shit-cock-ass-balls?" look on their faces. And that was it. It sucked balls. Especially with how long it took to get tickets.

Anyway, enough of sports and broken dreams. It's time for something fun...

Now, when you think of Metal, what do you think of? Growling guys in heavy make-up playing loud guitars and singing about wizards and blood? And wouldn't you think that John Mayer is about the least metal guy ever? Well guess what: YOU'RE WRONG! Sure, he may not fit your definition of metal exactly, but he did post the most metal thing ever on his blog.

Now, I'm not one to talk up another's blog unless I think it's really good, and I must say that Mr. Mayer has quite the funny bone. So check it out. You might laugh a little.

So You Find Yourself Living In L.A. (Part 3)

aka a compilation of unrelated crap


Hey, don't knock it... that subtitle is soo L.A.

These are just a few more things that have come to my attention here:





1. People in Los Angeles don't seem to understand basic elevator etiquette.

Seriously. Every time I'm in an elevator and I get to my destination (most frequently the bottom floor of my apartment building) I am greeted by a moderate swarm of mostly girls who don't seem to understand that you wait until the people inside the elevator get out before boarding yourself, rather than springing on the unsuspecting rider and packing him/her/them into the back of the car without any means to get out... seriously, I was almost late for class today because this happened and there was no way to get out before the elevator went back up to another floor. I had to ride the damn thing down all over again and push my way through another onslaught when I reached the first floor. Is it really that hard to understand that you let people off first? Seriously? Come on L.A. Get with the program.

As a side note, I have started taking a few countermeasures for this problem

• Standing so close to the elevator door that my nose touches it, standing up perfectly straight, and staring blankly forward with my eyes as wide as possible... it usually freaks people out and thereby grants me enough time to get off the elevator while the swarmers step back in surprise/fear.
• Making a loud/painful screech just before the doors open
• Pretending to zip my pants up and wiping a hand on the door as soon as it opens
• Leaving my backpack at the front of the elevator, thereby tripping those too anxious to ride the sweet, sweet elevator.

2. My roommate failed his online alcohol education course 5 times.

Seriously. I didn't know this was even possible. I took shots to this damn thing while I was taking it and went through approximately one whole fifth of rum. I still passed the first time without any effort at all. He failed so many times the site stopped working, and he is unable to log back in. I am 100% baffled.

3. My hallway is so dead they have earned my wrath in the form of ironic music choice.

Everyone in my hall is dead quiet. Seriously. I haven't seen or heard anything from anyone. I know it's an 'apartment' (dormpartment) and all, but still... introduce yourselves, people. Nobody even has whiteboards out for me to leave a note on, or possibly penis. So, I retaliate by blasting music that is unabashedly ironic for someone on one of America's richest campuses: Dead Kennedys (Kill the Poor), Rage Against The Machine (Take the Power Back), ... etc

I have yet to receive any comment from anyone.

4. When people here put a hilarious mustache on the sign for their store, expect the clerk/owner of that store to posses that exact mustache.

There is no way for me to convey how funny this story was... suffice it to say the guy's mustache a thing of legend. Also, he got bonus points for having a portrait of Zapata on his wall. ... I don't think I got any bonus points for going "ZAPATA!" upon entering.

5. Miller beer is disgusting, yet also disgustingly cheap.

Seriously. $12 for a 24-pack, and my roommate is buying. ... it's been "Miller time" pretty often these past few days.

Also:

• 3-Olives O'clock
• Tequila Tuesday
• Hump day Hefeweizen
• SoCo Saturday
• Jaeger.... uh, we don't actually have one for this one, it's just good...
• and of course Bacardi Bedtime

I think that's all for now.

Masculine Manly Manliness: Of Movies and Facial Hair

If there is one thing that we can't be accused of here at WDR, it's that we're not manly enough. Seriously, how can you volley a critique like that when we publish articles on such topics as lifting weights, drunken shenanigans of Steven Seagal, and the latest technological innovations from Tampax. Our credentials are unimpeachable in this regard.

So it is with this in mind that I fulfilled my Bastille Day promise this past weekend and did my patriotic duty and watched "Live Free or Die Hard". Expectations were low, considering that Bruce Willis is 78 years old and owns a Rascal, plus the fact that they toned the violence and language down to receive a PG-13 rating put a damper on my enthusiasm. Consider my surprise then that I found that the movie was great fun, keeping me less-than-riveted-but-very-much-engaged-with-the-proceedings (as-they-unfolded-on-the-very-large-screen (even if a lot of it revolved around typing really fast!!!)).

I realized that I had underestimated the role that dark humor had in the series, but now looking back I should have realized that they would continue the tradition of Gruber and Zeus. Though some may tire of his schtick, I still enjoy what Justin Long (he of Dodgeball and Mac V. PC fame) brought to the table as relentless geek, even if he sported the worst facial hair seen since this guy:



Plus, it doesn't hurt to have a cameo from Kevin Smith.

Speaking of facial hair, I'm going to do the stereotypical blog thing and reveal something absolutely pointless and personal. I recently switched razors, going from the Mach 3 Turbo that I had begun with to the snazzy/scary Fusion. I swear that the first time I used that razor that I had the fear of God in me as I watched this giant blade about as big as my fist come at my face.



I've gotten used to it at this point, but I have to say I can't really tell much of a difference in its performance. And if you think I mention all this just so I can link to this brilliant Onion article, then you know me too well (Note: this article was written many months before it actually happened). Seriously, we're going to have to discuss restraining orders at this point.