Damn: Spiderman 3 could have been a lot cooler and made a lot more sense

Yesterday I saw the big summer movie Spiderman 3. At this point many of you are thinking, "But Mr. Zhuang, that movie came out months ago and isn't even in theater anymore." Well you're wrong, fucko. You see, because I am very cheap, I wait to see many films until they are in what are commonly referred to as "the cheap seats." I paid one American dollar to see this film, and let me say I'm glad that it was only a dollar.

It should be known that Spiderman is my favorite comic book character (tied with Batman, of course), and to see a poorly made Spiderman movie makes me a very sad panda. I thought the first two films were good (though they made the movie mistake of killing off the villains at the end), but Spiderman 3 just didn't do it for me and here's why:

(Note: Spoilers and comic book nerdery follow)

The Venom Factor: OK, this thing was totally fucked up. First, they cast Topher Grace as Eddie Brock. I have no problem with his acting (He was great in Traffic), but he is not built for that role. He will never look like a linebacker, and that's exactly what Eddie Brock looks like. Second, Venom is never referred to by this name in the whole movie (though he's only Venom for the last 20 minutes or so). Third, they fucking KILL him at the end! Are you kidding me? Venom is a great villain, and without him going to prison, there could never be (another great villain) Carnage. Last, there simply wasn't enough of him in the movie.

The Black Alien Suit: They didn't get the story on this right despite the fact that they set it up in Spiderman 2 (with the astronaut). Also, the suit didn't look very cool. The one in the comic (smooth black with a white spider in the middle) was really cool. The one in the movie was just a black version of the old Spiderman suit. Lame. Also, it wasn't something that Peter Parker could put on and take off at will - it became a PART of him, and he could will it to show itself or not.

Sandman: I don't have a problem with the character of Sandman, but rather the way he was in this movie. His character did NOT kill Peter's uncle. He was just a crook that happened to gain some superpowers. It should also be added that Thomas Haden Church would have been a much better Venom in regard to physical size than Topher Grace.



The Story: This thing was muddled with too much other crap that didn't even need to be there (like the whole Mary Jane on Broadway story). Also, I don't recall Spiderman EVER getting the key to the city. Whatever.

Death of Green Goblin: This scene just needed to be re-shot. When people in the theater are laughing, you know you have a problem. Fix it.

Did this movie really need 3 villains?: No, it didn't.

Is this post over?: Yes, it is.