Wow, we can't believe that it's been an entire year
since we polluted the internet with our demented worldview, but we've done it. We've gained more than a few readers during this long, strange journey, and some of them weren't even looking for "Banana Bread Rape" (an actual search term, and yes, I'm serious). Hopefully you've enjoyed reading as much as we've enjoyed writing this crap, and frankly, if you enjoyed it 1/17th as much as we did, then I guess we should be satisfied.
So, after over
250 270 (?!) posts, WDR has decided to have a little celebration. We decided to build a true Pong Table, in the spirit of my beloved Alma Mater, and we brought along a camera to document the process. I'm sure Werner Herzog would be proud of our efforts.
Our quest began with a trip to the
Home Depot. which is so far out of the reach of civilization that it's next to the KOA campgrounds. Once there, we selected a gigantic piece of lumber, which turned out to be a rather large 8x4 board. We were originally going to cut it, but we said "Fuck it, let's go big." While not the dimensions of a true Pong table, this would be suitable for our purposes. Of course, we didn't realize we might have a problem fitting our awesome table in my minivan.
You can see we had issues. But we are nothing if not resourceful, and since Joe Reefer is some kind of engineer (let the record show that once this fact was brought up, Mr. Zhuang made the "drinky drinky" motion), we became unperturbed once again. Fuck it, we're strapping that shit to the roof of our car!
The minivan did look good with its new hat, but not nearly as badass as it did when the back bumper fell off. Now THERE was a car you weren't going to mess with. Next came the awesome task of spray-painting the giant board. We chose green, because, well, I don't know why. We of course took the job of painting very seriously.
While we were waiting for the paint to dry, we tackled the most important part of our quest: securing the beer. And secure we did, amassing quite the bounty of beer, ranging in quality from "delicious" to "goddammit, did we really have to drink a case of Keystone Light" (yes we did, it's tradition--plus, when you assholes got drunk too early and were so full from our good German beer, light beer sounded good, didn't it?).
So now that everything was taken care of, we were set to begin with The Playing of the Pong. We used my random potted-plant holders as supports for our Giant Board, which proved effective (until a drunken associate of WDR overturned the board 10 days later, then we made plans to reassess our options). As for a net, we used my trusty hockey stick, which had served us well in our New Years' celebrations for the past few years (we are fans of destroying piñatas in our celebrations, with said stick being our Weapon of Choice). And we of course had our ping pong equipment, complete WITH PADDLES. As I explained, this game is called Pong, it's not called "throw a ball into a cup". You can take that bastardization and call it Beirut, but never call it Pong (/rant). I eventually had all the rules explained, set up an excellent soundtrack for the party (Beck and The Thermals, so I must say that it was "bumpin'"), and then we played until the late late late hours, when the sun was shining in our face.
Who won? Yeah, I did. Every single game. But there are no losers in Pong, because we all got to drink.
I imagine this post, in true WDR fashion, will be viewable only after at least a week since it was "published". In the meantime, we're taking a much deserved break, and we'll be back warping your psyches in July. In the meantime, if you want to do something awesome like nominate your favorite post or author or comment, now would be a good time to do so. Or not. You know, whatever.
