Showing posts with label Cartoons that Make No Sense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cartoons that Make No Sense. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

ASEVoIS: Iran (So Far Away)

News is coming in at a fast and furious speed these days, from the ongoing events of the campaign trail to continuing developments as Russia undergoes a power "transition". But the story that had the attention of most people was the revelation in the most recent NIE that Iran had put a stop to their covert weapons program. Surely this would stop the ever-loudening drumbeat for war. I mean, if you eliminate the reason for it, you can't follow through, right? Right?!?!?



Apparently not, according to some politicos. The popular editorial cartoon take on this news is to ask "What to Believe?", and present some comparison scenario between this recent turn of events and that of 2003, when we were told that Iraq had WMDs. Note the added emphasis of mine to contrast the supposed comparison. That difference is paramount to understanding the two situations. The standard line is that since the intelligence was wrong before, what can we trust? Well, for one, to chalk up the failures of the Iraq War to mere "bad intelligence" is simply foolhardy. The problem was not necessarily getting bad information (which did indeed occur), but that information was cherry-picked to try to support a predetermined conclusion (which itself was based on poor assumptions). Since the push by this administration has been for war with Iran, publishing an intelligence report which refutes that conclusion presents an entirely different situation. Making the comparison is then just lazy.

But this willful ignorance is as great a sin as the outright spin-and-deny from the Hawks on this issue. You can find editorials from the likes of people like John Bolton which attempt to put the kibosh on the entire finding, arguing such things that there was no diplomacy involved with Iran (only the war with Iraq has put any pressure) and that should conflate civilian and military technology, without considering that it's probably pretty easy to monitor civilian uses of the technology. But there was error that was particularly egregious, and that was his contention that "the NIE suffers from a common problem in government: the overvaluation of the most recent piece of data." This just makes me laugh, because the exact opposite problem was what led to the mistaken invasion of Iraq--because of "anchoring", we refused to reconsider our assumptions as new information was gathered that challenged our assumption that Iraq had a functioning weapons program. If anything, what Bolton states usually does NOT occur, and shows that a better decision-making skills are taking place.



The funniest part of the backlash by the hawks to this report is their attempt to explain the reasoning behind this sudden change in outlook. There was one feature Op-Ed in The Oregonian which asserted that Bush was trying to wash his hands of the Iran "problem", and was passing the buck to the next administration. This is of course totally in line with the thinking of this administration, which has pushed for war at every opportunity, and warned of a potential WWIII just last week would suddenly change course. We have seven years of evidence that definitively prove otherwise.

Now I'm not saying that everything is totally safe with Iran. As always, it's best to proceed with caution, and to always keep an eye on the situation. That's why we continue to try to obtain intelligence. But we can't repeat the same mistakes that we committed in the past. We can't assume that a regime is "just crazy", and fail to consider the simple cost/benefit analysis that other regimes go through. Iran is in some ways calling plays from the same playbook as Iraq, what with their resistance to international efforts in their powerplay to assert themselves as the regional hegemon. We have to remember that these people still understand cost/benefit analysis and balance-of-power reasoning, and that their decisions are not irrational.



Just don't expect to start a war with even less evidence than you had before.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

What're You Cacklin' At, Fatty? Too Much Pie, That's Your Problem

This is an urgent health update from WDR.

For all WDR's loyal followers, we have all noticed a terrifying trend. Yes, you know what I'm talking about, and as WDR's thinnest member, I felt it would be unfair to our readership to not divulge our full knowledge of the facts.

The rumors are true. There is no denying it. The secrecy must end. Reading WDR does in fact make you fat. It's proven. I'm sorry. For those of you already experiencing symptoms, I'm afraid it is too late. As detailed in a brilliant new, totally non-ridiculous, scientific study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, Obesity is indeed contagious. The study confirms that distance also plays no part in the stranglehold of this generation's fiercest opponent since Al Qaeda, or Commie: the Super Condom.

Every minute you spend reading this publication, you are in proven scientific fact becoming fatter and fatter. The unfortunate irresistibility of our hard-hitting to-the-point overly-informative dash-laden informa-commentary leaves no escape from our readers - if you read us, we will become a significant influence and role model; you could call us a friend. This would normally be fine, except that as the study shows, this wonderful fulfilling friendship will surely doom you to a life of obesity, and as high school surely taught you: Nobody likes the fat kid. Except of course for my modest colleague Mr. Ouzo, and WDR's fattest contributer: Mr. Zhuang. These two seemed to do just fine. In fact, come to think of it, I'm the thin one and I had no friends whatsoever. What's up with that? I think someone's fudging some numbers here, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it!


That investigation was both delicious and informative. You see, it turns out that the obesity scare in our country boils down to just a few silly little things:

1. STOP EATING SO GOD DAMNED MUCH

2. HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY MOVING AROUND A LITTLE?

3. TYPICALLY, IF SOMEONE HAS TO POUR MORE MONEY INTO CONVINCING YOU TO EAT THEIR PRODUCT THAN THEY SPEND MAKING IT, YOU SHOULDN'T EAT IT

4. TOO MANY INDUSTRIES THRIVE ON NATIONAL OBESITY BECAUSE CAPITALISM DOES A SHIT JOB DEALING WITH HEALTH.

Let me break down that last one for you there... Pharmaceuticals love obesity. There's a limitless potential for weight-loss drugs that they can sell to you, and since eating habits are such a fundamental element of human life it is really hard to effectively mandate preventative measures against obesity. Let's face it, the food that's the worst for you tastes the best - so when fast food and soda companies buy out your school system and require only their products be allowed to be sold on the premise... yeah, the kids are going to buy it. Let's not forget that if you can slip a couple addictive substances in there too, like say... caffeine... you'll easily keep a steady stream of profit coming your way. Oddly enough, the only industry that doesn't seem to like fat people is the insurance industry. If they have their way, pretty soon you won't even get covered anymore if you're overweight... oh! but wait! There's an easy solution for that too... That's right, they figured out they could charge you more if you're overweight! The problem inherent in all of this discussion is of course that in our wonderful capitalist country, there is no economic incentive to promote healthy eating habits, and so the feeble attempts at social outreach are drowned out by 24/7 McDonald's ads and an education institution owned by Pepsi.

So for those of you keeping score... just by reading this article you have submitted to a life of obesity, higher insurance premiums, caffeine addictions, weight-loss drugs, and regardless of what combination of the above cause it... congestive heart failure. I don't know about you, but I'm hoping those scientists discover a new pill for folks like you! If I were you, I'd start digging in my back yard right about now. I'm pretty sure that's where they found Alli, and let me tell you, that stuff is worth a few public defecations.