WDR's New Look!

OMFGZ!

The Wayne Diego Report has a new look! We even have a picture of Mr. Diego himself gracing the blog! What fun!

Do you like it? Think it sucks? Don't know why you're here? Are you looking for Ronnie Coleman pictures and/or tentacle rape porn? Whatever the case may be, leave a comment to let us know what you think!

WDR's 2 Year Anniversary Blowout Craptacular

So the time has come once again to mark another milestone for this blog. Two years have passed since we started this project, and man have things changed. We've had some laughs, shed some tears, and wrote at least four posts that lied about our current situations. Joe has settled down with three of his baby's mamas down in the hole that is LA, and Zhuang-o now has a fancy degree that enables him to work at The Daily Bugle where he has to get pictures of that damn Spider-man. I have gone from unemployed sack of shit to a rising 2L sack of shit. I mean, that's evolution man.

So what do we have to show for our 2 years in Web 2.0? Well, we're about to get our 20,000th visitor, and if they're anything like 83% of our visitors, they're sure to visit one particularly shameful post looking for dirty, dirty pictures. If it's not that, then it's some foreign dude looking for nutrition tips from Ronnie Coleman. Jesus fucking Christ, that guy has some random following. Strangely enough, we haven't had another search for "Banana Bread Rape", but we have had many people come away disappointed because they were looking for video of "Can you speak up? I'm wearing a towel." Sorry, it was only a quote.

Even though our postings have become more and more infrequent (we've barely cracked double digits this year), we haven't made up for it with an increase of quality. That's just the WDR way. I'd like to especially blame Joe for this, who not only hasn't posted in forever, but set up a Google Reader that was promised to compensate for his lack of posts, but lookey-here, that shit was updated only once since November.

Nonetheless, we will continue to persevere. I recently had a look at our first post, our Manifesto, and I felt we've accomplished our mission. We initially were cautious, and said it was subject to change, but I think it sums up our blog perfectly. Here's to hoping we continue to live up to it.

My encounter with a hockey great

AKA: Why do people want to fight me?

So I was at a place called the Jackalope Lounge tonight, and things were going well. The beer was flowing like wine, the music was good and everyone was having a good time. It came time for me to buy a round of drinks, and as I approached the bar there was some sort of commotion. There was a man getting very angry about something related to his bill, and his being drunk didn't help matters. It was during this argument that I observed something very interesting. This man look a heck of a lot like Wayne Gretzky circa 1992. He was also wearing a shark tooth necklace, which I can only assume was there to make him look stupid. I was in the midst of a legend. A stupid, drunken legend.

And after several moments of unpleasant noise, Gretzky yells at the bartender, "Well, I'm never coming to this place AGAIN!"

At first I was pleased to be able to order my next round of drinks, but then things changed. Without regard for anyone else, Wayne Gretzky ran into me, and the following exchange occured:

Me: What the fuck dude?
Gretzky: What's your problem?
Me: You ran into me!
Gretsky's girlfriend: But we just got ripped off (by the bar)!
Me: Well, guess what: I didn't rip you off. You should watch where you're going.
Gretzky: What the fuck is your problem?!
Me: You shouldn't run into people without at least some sort of half hearted apology.
Gretzky's girlfriend: You just poked a bear. You don't want to mess with HIM.
Me: Wouldn't be the first time.
Gretzky: You wanna start something?
Me: No, I just rather you didn't run into me. Just settle down, dude.
Gretzky: The fucking bar ripped me off!
Me: Well, I've been ripped off before too. It fucking sucks, but I don't go taking it out on other people. Just calm the fuck down.
Gretzky's girlfriend: You're poking a BEAR!
Me: You know what, if you want to fight over something like this, go ahead. I don't want to fight. Just settle down. You don't need to be a dick to other people like that. I don't mean to be a dick to you, but you shouldn't take out your frustrations on bystanders.

And it was after that that drunken asshole Wayne Gretzky circa 1992 apologized. I shook his hand, told him to stop being a dick, and bought some booze. Then we shook hands and parted ways.

He and his friends said a few other things, but they're not really worth mentioning because it was all regular drunk talk. I'm not really sure what the "bear" reference meant, especially considering that the guy wouldn't fight ME. He couldn't be that tough. I mean, come on: I don't exactly look like Ronnie Coleman. I guess I can only assume that this was some reference to this guy's place in the gay community. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So... The Giants won?

And other observations

So wait...the Giants won? Wow. I wanted this to happen but I didn't think it would actually occur. It's kind of like going "Wow, I just got a call from Jessica Alba, and she wants me to meet her at the Shilo Inn. She says she has a Fuddrucker's burger and some orange soda." It's what I was hoping for, but I didn't think it would actually happen (Jessica, if you're reading this, CALL ME). Also, the photo at the right came up when I searched "giants" on Google. Figure it out for yourself.



But everyone but Joe knows that this is the case. As it turns out, my "associates" in the "mafia" did not go through with their promise to maim Tom Brady. As it was, he just got his ass sacked a bunch of times and will be sore in a physical and emotional way. I guess God works in mysterious ways...

But that's not all that this blog is about. This blog is about bigger things. Like Ghostbusters. I know that most of our readers have seen this film, and those that have not should head to the local video store and pick it up. This is a truly American film that should be seen by all. I picked this film for a group that was going to watch The NeveEnding Story. OK. I know a lot of people like this movie, but it's (A) not truly unending and (B) Ghostbusters is so much better. I remember wanting to be a Ghostbuster when I was 4 years old. Even now, as a student in the field of journalism, I still want to be a Ghostbuster. Why? Can you find a reason why not? Shit.

I'm not really sure where this is going, but I figured that WDR needed SOMETHING for Superbowl Sunday.

Peace, bitches.