I guess it's my fault as much as anyone else's fault. But for whatever reason I'm compelled to put something in this "Blogosphere" despite having nothing, really, to say. Perhaps that the reason why so many people write blogs and why so few are actually read.
I could have been writing here, but instead I've focused my energies elsewhere. For writing, I've gone into the masturbatory "I'm going to write a great American novel" trip, hoping to write something insightful and funny that will inspire people to think. Or maybe just write something I'd enjoy reading myself. Which is a difficult task when much of what you write you find later and and think, "Good gravy, this is awful!"I recently made such a discovery in my room of a box of papers from middle school and high school. There were several things I'd written and thought were incredibly brilliant and funny that, looking back, I want to punch the kid who wrote it. So many awful "I'm above the rest of stupid humanity" crap written by what appears to be some sort of damaged, narcissistic ape. Was that who I was then? It probably was, though I must not have seen myself this way. But the big question that remains is: Will I feel the same way 10 years from now about the way I am today?
I hope not. Not because I fear contempt toward myself, but rather because I hope that I am not nearly as stupid as I was. Or as I see myself having been. And I suppose that it is here, not in a box locked away for years in my closet, that I will rediscover the me of my early 20s and my inane ramblings. And perhaps I'm not alone. Perhaps other bloggers will find themselves doing the same thing around the same time and thinking, "Wow, I was really stupid."
But, it's like that whole "hindsight is 20/20" bit, which I'm not sure I entirely agree with. There's so much that we forget, or simply regard as irrelevant, that shapes the way we were as opposed to the way we are. Maybe there was something more to so many of the chicken scratched notebook pages I've found buried. But whatever they may have been, they are forgotten, or blocked off by my brain, and it all looks like violent screams of nothing more insightful than the screams against healthcare at town hall meetings.
That last part just sank in. That's a little disturbing.
This posted really started without a definite point, though I did write the headline first and it seems to have grown into it in some slightly perverse way. We'll see when (and if) I remember making this post 10 years from now and I'll see if I still agree with myself or if I regard this as the hopeless ramblings of an idiot.
My guess is it will probably be a mix.
