You might not think "hilarious" when I say the name "Alan Thicke", but after watching this video you might change your mind. Sure, we remember him from being the dad from that shitty early '90s sitcom "Growing Pains", but did you know he's also a composer? He did the theme music for "Diff'rent Strokes"! He also wrote for Richard Pryor! Lately it seems like he just wants to fuck around and have fun, showing up on things like "Tim and Eric" or "The Goods". He recently did an interview with the AVClub, providing us with the priceless quote "There’s nothing to do after that. That’s right. You can’t top it. It’s over. When it’s raining dildos, you’ve got nothing left to say after that." But the reason for the post is for more people to watch his hilarious fake-doctor routine as Doctor Proctor. There are five videos, and I recommend you watch them all.
This reminds me of another Dad from an early-90's sitcom, Patrick Duffy. While he may be more well known these days as one of the legs of Scuzzlebutt, there was a time when he was sleepwalking through one of those generic Dad roles in "Step by Step". I remember not liking him too much, but these days I respect him more because I'm pretty sure he realized how terrible the show was, and was only going to do a half-assed job. Anyways, he's had a series of amusing videos with a crab (I know, wtf), earning even more good will from me.
For comparison's sake:
Enjoy the weekend!
Showing posts with label More Funny Please. Show all posts
Showing posts with label More Funny Please. Show all posts
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
The Immigration Hobgoblin
Immigration is the great bogeyman of politicians these days. It is responsible for all our social ills, from our crumbling schools to our crowded hospitals to the fact that I now have to dial '1' to receive service in English! Oh the humanity! It's going to be our downfall, because while you were content to just watch '101 Biggest Celebrity Oops!' on your HDTV (or you just had your attention held by that new shiny object with its purty colors), Pedro stole your job and Ahmed bought some fertilizer for his spiffy new bomb. You were asleep at the wheel, while our country was hijacked by foreigners (but not by Foreigner--"Hot Blooded" still is not our national anthem)!
This is an exaggeration of some of the reaction, but not by much. The hyperbole that has flown around this issue has truly been astounding, and demagogues like Lou Dobbs (who amazingly does not understand the basic concepts of international trade), Pat Buchanan, and Jeff Sessions have seized the moment. They prey on a populace that doesn't understand foreign policy and so can't really arrive at any solution to the situation in Iraq and elsewhere, but understand that those darn brown people are moving into their neighborhood! It's unsafe, dammit! So put up that Southern Wall, and keep 'em outta here!
(And forget about the fact about how easy it is to come in through Canada, and that Asians and European communities make up a significant part of the immigrant population. And that the terrorists of 9/11 entered the country through legal processes. These are convenient points to forget.)
And so we have events like what occurred last week, as the Senate debated their plan for comprehensive immigration reform. But the demagogues were able to truly get their message out: it was merely a cover for "amnesty"! I'm not even sure what that means, but I got to tell my Senator that I don't like the sound of that! It's the one sin that Reagan committed in his Presidency! So we had thousands of people jamming the phonelines on Capitol Hill parroting back this claim of "amnesty", coupled with the position that "we need to enforce the laws we already have on the books", without pausing to think what their solution would be.
What was their plan to deal with the 12 million illegal immigrants already in this country?
It sure would be hard to deport the whole lot of them. The logistics of such a maneuver are mind-boggling. And that doesn't even take into account the economic fallout. Yes, the influx of cheap labor keeps a lot of these low-skilled jobs at a stagnant wage label, but the consequence is that prices have remained low. For example, if we got rid of all the illegal immigrants working in the fields, not only would we have a whole hell of a lot less food available at our MegaMarkets, it'd be a lot more expensive as well. The other key area where immigrants help the economy is payment for Social Security--as the Boomers age, we'll have to begin payments for their entitlements, and without the input from immigrants we'd have a significant shortfall in that regard.
As for "enforcing those laws already on the books"--care to name a few? This is reminiscent of the claims during the Bush-Kerry campaign that during all his years in the Senate Kerry never crafted significant legislation. But ask just about anyone to name an example of significant legislation, you would draw total blanks beyond perhaps "McCain-Feingold". But if we repeat things enough, they must be true!
And the complaint that we first need to concentrate on security is also faulty. If we don't solve both ends of the problem, we still fail. Besides, we use one part as a carrot for the other side--we give in a bit on security measures, you give in a bit on the illegals already here. It's called compromise. It's what legislators are supposed to do.
And that is why the "path to citizenship" is a good idea. We can't afford to get rid of these workers, at least those that have been productive. But you can't exactly give them a free ride, so you make the process difficult and arduous.
Of course, this is the point in any commentary that one is contractually obligated to mention that ours is a nation of immigrants, though clearly a lot of people that some immigrants are created more equal than others. This is also the point in the commentary where the people that need to be reminded of this point the most tune out. We have had many points in our history where we've had an influx of immigrants, people panic, and shit goes down.
In the end, we end for the better because of it. The immigrants eventually assimilate, learning our language and adopting a lot of our customs, while teaching us traditions of their own and contributing to our culture.
Before I leave, I want to point out the biggest hypocrisy of the whole debate. Americans want to brag all the time about how great their country is, broadcasting to the world how the USA is #1. Yet when people risk their lives to become a part of that awesomeness, we reject them. We're saying, "Sorry you didn't win the lottery when you were born. Deal." We can't have it both ways. We must share the awesomeness.
This is an exaggeration of some of the reaction, but not by much. The hyperbole that has flown around this issue has truly been astounding, and demagogues like Lou Dobbs (who amazingly does not understand the basic concepts of international trade), Pat Buchanan, and Jeff Sessions have seized the moment. They prey on a populace that doesn't understand foreign policy and so can't really arrive at any solution to the situation in Iraq and elsewhere, but understand that those darn brown people are moving into their neighborhood! It's unsafe, dammit! So put up that Southern Wall, and keep 'em outta here!
(And forget about the fact about how easy it is to come in through Canada, and that Asians and European communities make up a significant part of the immigrant population. And that the terrorists of 9/11 entered the country through legal processes. These are convenient points to forget.)
And so we have events like what occurred last week, as the Senate debated their plan for comprehensive immigration reform. But the demagogues were able to truly get their message out: it was merely a cover for "amnesty"! I'm not even sure what that means, but I got to tell my Senator that I don't like the sound of that! It's the one sin that Reagan committed in his Presidency! So we had thousands of people jamming the phonelines on Capitol Hill parroting back this claim of "amnesty", coupled with the position that "we need to enforce the laws we already have on the books", without pausing to think what their solution would be.
What was their plan to deal with the 12 million illegal immigrants already in this country?
It sure would be hard to deport the whole lot of them. The logistics of such a maneuver are mind-boggling. And that doesn't even take into account the economic fallout. Yes, the influx of cheap labor keeps a lot of these low-skilled jobs at a stagnant wage label, but the consequence is that prices have remained low. For example, if we got rid of all the illegal immigrants working in the fields, not only would we have a whole hell of a lot less food available at our MegaMarkets, it'd be a lot more expensive as well. The other key area where immigrants help the economy is payment for Social Security--as the Boomers age, we'll have to begin payments for their entitlements, and without the input from immigrants we'd have a significant shortfall in that regard.
As for "enforcing those laws already on the books"--care to name a few? This is reminiscent of the claims during the Bush-Kerry campaign that during all his years in the Senate Kerry never crafted significant legislation. But ask just about anyone to name an example of significant legislation, you would draw total blanks beyond perhaps "McCain-Feingold". But if we repeat things enough, they must be true!
And the complaint that we first need to concentrate on security is also faulty. If we don't solve both ends of the problem, we still fail. Besides, we use one part as a carrot for the other side--we give in a bit on security measures, you give in a bit on the illegals already here. It's called compromise. It's what legislators are supposed to do.
And that is why the "path to citizenship" is a good idea. We can't afford to get rid of these workers, at least those that have been productive. But you can't exactly give them a free ride, so you make the process difficult and arduous.
Of course, this is the point in any commentary that one is contractually obligated to mention that ours is a nation of immigrants, though clearly a lot of people that some immigrants are created more equal than others. This is also the point in the commentary where the people that need to be reminded of this point the most tune out. We have had many points in our history where we've had an influx of immigrants, people panic, and shit goes down.
In the end, we end for the better because of it. The immigrants eventually assimilate, learning our language and adopting a lot of our customs, while teaching us traditions of their own and contributing to our culture.
Before I leave, I want to point out the biggest hypocrisy of the whole debate. Americans want to brag all the time about how great their country is, broadcasting to the world how the USA is #1. Yet when people risk their lives to become a part of that awesomeness, we reject them. We're saying, "Sorry you didn't win the lottery when you were born. Deal." We can't have it both ways. We must share the awesomeness.
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