Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Hump Day Helper -- Mighty Mighty Edition


Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

Continuing with my Boston theme, what better band to use than one that uses the name of the town as a pun in their name? That's why we have The Mighty Mighty Boss Tones on tap. Not only is the name clever, it's kind of apropos. You don't fuck with Dicky Barrett and his boys.

I remember loving this song when it first came out, from the goofy philosophical lyrics to the full big band sound. Plus, the video had some subtly nifty special effects, and that always helps. I even liked it despite the fact that there's a dude in the band that just dances, which I guess means he was just inheriting the legacy of Bez from the Happy Mondays, as I would learn from 24 Hour Party People. The point is, it's time to have some fun.

I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested.
I'd like to think that if I was I would pass.
Look at the tested, and think there but for the grace go I.
Might be a coward, I'm afraid of what I might find out!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

You people voted for Hubert Humphrey, and you killed Jesus!

OK, not exactly...

I really had no choice but to click a link titled "Feds: Teen wants to die, go to heaven, kill Jesus."

Frankly, I find the whole thing baffling. Kill Jesus? In Heaven? Now, I'm not expert when it comes to Christianity, but I'm pretty sure you can't kill people in Heaven because they're already dead. Furthermore, if you DID kill someone in Heaven, where would they go? Detroit? I think not.

Obviously this kid is a little more than off his rocker, if you know what I mean. (I am only vaguely aware of what that means.) Still, I'm not sure that life imprisonment is really the answer. Perhaps he should be sent to high security mental hospital, but a life sentence? I don't really see how that option is helpful.

Anyway, off to greater and more important things in the news. Like, uh, some bear, aptly called "Sleepy Bear," can't seem to stay awake. This is totally newsworthy.

CNN, you never fail to fail. I mean ... amaze me.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

The People's Republic Of Cambridge Can Be Hilarious

I'll be sure to give you a more thorough glimpse into life on the East Coast. But I just had to post this great picture.



In case you don't notice what's great about this building, let me just say that There Is A Face. And it's ears are steaming. Adding to the hilarity is the fact that it's also the home of the Jewish Club at Harvard. When those lights are on and the ears are steaming, break out the Manischewitz because it's time to party!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Too Much of a Good Thing

The Perils of Music Licensing

It's safe to say that all the co-authors are rather big fans of the band Spoon. And what's not to like? We can all get behind well-crafted songs with spastic guitar solos, I imagine. If one of us was to throw on a record like Kill The Moonlight in the car, not one of us would raise an objection--we'd sit there and nod, congratulating the fine choice. Spoon was even one of the better concerts I saw last year, even if they didn't play "Sister Jack" (I mean, how can you not enjoy a song that starts out "Always on the outside, always looking in/I was in this drop-D metal band we called Requiem"). But dammit if Spoon hasn't begun getting on my nerves.

That's because I'm beginning to hear Spoon everywhere these days. And oversaturation kills even the greatest creativity.



It started out innocently enough. Promos for the movie Stranger Than Fiction would feature occasional instrumental snippets, which made sense since Portlander Britt Daniel did the score to the movie. Plus, it helps that in retrospect that the it was a damn good (if overlooked) film. However, marketing executives seemed to pick up on the band, and began using their music in countless ads, most notably "My Mathematical Mind". If anything was in any way tangentially related to "math" or "science", you were going to hear that song as backing music, as it was done (most obnoxiously) for that recent shitfest, 21. I thought I was done being tormented by a formerly-loved song, but alas, it is now the background music to a nationwide car commercial.


The thing is, it's not even totally Spoon's fault. At this point, there are apparently session players that are being told by Marketing Execs to "give my that 'Spoon' sound", resulting in car commercials with music that sounds suspiciously like "I Turn My Camera On". I also can't fault Spoon for looking to get a little extra money through licensing--I'm not even sure if they've had a gold record, so I'm not going to hold it against a consistently artistically brilliant band to earn some well-deserved compensation for their efforts.

So I write this in order to just ask for a moratorium on the use of Spoon in commercials for the next 18 months, so I can go back to enjoying a band I love in the manner that it was meant to--through the album. But since I'm sure my request will fall on deaf ears, I'll just put a smile on the viewer's face with this 90's nostalgia throwback:

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hump Day Helper -- Wicked Awesome Edition


Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

For some reason, I have decided that I needed some R&R out on the East Coast. That means hanging out with old college buddies, friends that I haven't seen in .8 years. I can only hope that they don't remember the various injuries I inflicted on them due to my several episodes of drunken shenanigans. More on this, as it develops.

In honor of this change in locale, Boston bands will be getting the spotlight here on the HDH. And, for the record, The Departed was seriously bad-ass.

Shipping up to Boston
To find my wooden leg!...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

New NIN? Again? YES!

I can barely contain myself

New NIN single "Discipline" available on the Nine Inch Nails website RIGHT NOW. FOR FREE. GO GET IT.



Capslock: off.

I think Joe Reefer said it best:

Joe Reefer: Damn, he put up the remix pack already too?
Mr. Zhuang:
yeah
Joe Reefer: He is a fucking music machine!

Yes he is, Joe. Yes he is.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Three CDs for a dollar? SWEET!

A magical journey to the bargain bin

Sometimes a good deal is apparent and available. Other times you have to dig through a bunch of bullshit to get to a decent deal. This is one of the latter.

So, I went out to the local CD Game Exchange to look for some new CDs. I found several things I wanted to buy in the $5 section, though they are all scratched to shit. So I moved on to the bargain bin. Now, some might say "If the $5 CDs were all scratched, why would you look for something cheaper?" or "Isn't $5 for a CD already the bargain bin?" Those who would ask this have obviously never experienced the greatness of CD Game Exchange. This is most unfortunate.

Anyway, I get over to the bargain bin and dig in. First I find most of the usual shit: Backstreet Boys singles, bands I've never heard of in my life, bands that I have heard of that are awful, and Lil Bow Wow. Then something caught my eye:


There was really no way I could pass this up. I'm not sure what 'Patches' was up to on this one exactly (drunken listening sessions yielded inconclusive results), but I'm pretty sure this thing was all about getting with a lady to some smooth jazz. Oh, yeah. So, there was no way I could not buy this. And besides, the deal is 3 CDs for $1. What else could I buy that would be more for a mere thirty-three and a third cents? Exactly.

But now I was in a pickle: I needed to find something else to purchase with it to make the deal. My friend Brandon didn't think it was possible, and he was getting sick of the bargain bin fair. I had to do something...

So it was about this time that I found it. And by it I mean "the two other CDs." Hidden under a bunch of really awful looking stuff, I found "Coneheads." That's right. Now, I don't really need this CD because I already have a copy of "Soul to Squeeze" from the Red Hot Chili Peppers' greatest hits album, but that's hardly the point. I mean, I also got "Tained Love" by Soft Cell and "Fight the Power" by... Barenaked Ladies? Yes, this was truly a great find.

Then there was one more. One more album that I could pull out of the mess of CDs. I found it hidden on the bottom shelf. It was... "The Beavis and Butthead Experience." Really, aside from not separating the intro sections from the actual songs, this is a pretty good album. It's got Nirvana (I Hate Myself and Want to Die), White Zombie (I Am Hell), Primus (Poetry and Prose), Red Hot Chili Peppers (Search and Destroy) and, of course, Beavis and Butthead with Cher (I Got You Babe).

So, with this, I went to the cash register and emptied the change from my pocket and got three new CDs. Life is good.

But now I'm going to do some other stuff. Maybe I'll throw some "Penetration" on the stereo...

... Ladies?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Catholicism NOW!


Oh, media. I didn't realize the United States was a Catholic country until this week. With the constant fawning coverage of The Pope (non Space- version), one would be hard-pressed to come up with an alternative conclusion, at least one that wasn't as accurate as that of Intelligent Falling.

The man has had more cameras trained on him than [insert lame Britney/Paris Hilton/random other "socialite" name here (seriously, there's no real good joke here to tell)]. So much so, that I'm beginning to think that the "C" in CNN might not stand for "Cable". We eagerly await his arrival, set up multiple press conferences, and spend countless hours admiring his choice in fancy hatwear. Then we all pretend to listen to Pope Speech 3C, with the calls to end war and stem cell research and love each other and so on. You know, typical hippie crap (they never were really big fans of science (and reason) either).

The point is, it's all a bit ridiculous, no? Well, beyond the idea of a "pope", a rotating position that bestows fucking infallibility on a bishop of a specific township based on the votes of a few other bishops. We understand that he's the spiritual leader of a lot of people (I mean, every other entertainer you listen to has been "raised Catholic"--not to mention, 5 out of 9 Supreme Court Justices (with another being Episcopalian, aka "practically Catholic")), but is wall-to-wall sycophantic coverage truly necessary? Give me a 2 minute rundown, and be sure to include tips on weeding out potential fake Popes (hi-top sneakers, incredibly foul mouth, etc.)

Besides, there's only one Catholic leader that I'll listen to.



I eagerly anticipate a threatening phone call from Bill Donahue any minute now.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Hump Day Helper -- Zelig Edition


Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

So these crazy bastards had an album come out a couple of weeks ago, and I'm digging it. Yes, everybody's favorite one-off project actually stuck together to record a follow-up to the acclaimed St. Elsewhere. While not as slick and catchy as their debut, I'm ready to say that The Odd Couple will be getting more than a few plays on my stereo in the next few months.

But we're going back to an overlooked song off the debut, instead of the new single. I mean, why oversaturate one of the few videos that get played on the "music" channels? Plus, we do our best in limiting the amount of Justin Timberlake on our blog; we figure that this is a beneficial policy for everyone involved. Cee-Lo brings the incredible voice, Danger Mouse brings the musical craftsmanship, and everyone brings the crazy.

And I can tell you know how hard this life can be, but you keep on smiling for me...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Keeping It Short

I don't care about the polygamists in Texas. Seriously. Cut it out.

No more news, no more coverage. And definitely no more shit on the front page of your website.

I'd much rather have a full hour of Stephen Colbert on Larry King, dammit. That way we can be amazed when a 328 year old humanoid understands Colbert's whip-smart humor at a 32% clip.



If you see one movie the rest of your life...make sure it's...Jungle 2 Jungle!

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Thing That Should Not Be

In other words: Things That Shouldn't Exist, Yet Here They Are

If you've ever been to a college party, or have seen what a fifteen year old tries to buy with a fake ID, you've certainly come across this product.



We are all familiar with the inherent failure that is the "flavored malt beverage". You take all the fun out of beer, by making it so incredibly artificially fruity, and you take all the fun out of schnapps, by making it so powerfully weak, and you get the Smirnoff Ice. It's a drink that says "I can't handle alcohol" or "I do not want to scuff my boat shoes", if you really get down to it. Utterly pointless, especially considering you get more of a buzz from snorting Pixie Stix.

Now imagine what you know already, but with one word added: LIGHT.

That's right. Flavor scientists have now created for the body public the wonderfully retarded drink, Smirnoff Ice Light. Now Google Image Search has failed me once again in providing an actual look at this concoction, but I assure you, it does indeed exist. It's a drink that says not only everything I mentioned before, but that "When I party, I need to count carbs".

I'll say it once, and I'll say it again, people. If you're going to drink, actually drink something, for God's sake. This is unacceptable. I'm pretty sure that this is the real reason behind home foreclosures.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Tales of Old Salem Towne: Of Glass Bongs And Lucky Fortunes


Salem: Taking the Fun Out of Psychedelics Since the Mid-19th Century

Nothing may ever top the tale of Methheads On The Loose, but that doesn't mean that the exploits of Salemfolk should be ignored. No, there is simply too much good shit that goes down in Capital City that needs to be remarked upon, and we're here to fulfill that purpose.

Now, I'm not one for studying the local paper--I skim a headline or two, and mainly check the various Op-Eds, because I'm a masochist like that (God forbid it's a Thursday and I have to examine a David Reinhard piece). But for some reason, fate drew me to this story on the bottom-fold of the front page, and I thank fate kindly for that. Simply put, it was a story of two men and their drugs.

Really, the headline "Glass bong becomes weapon amid drug-induced paranoia" says all you really need to know about the story. The story goes 1) Man eats mushrooms; 2) Man goes on bad trip; 3) Man accuses buddy of being a narc; 4) Man then uses closest thing to a weapon (the glass bong of the headline) to knock the shit out of buddy. All of which is proof that there are certain people that should be prepared to take the path of bullshit enlightenment, and others that should just stick with huffing spray-paint in the safety of their attic, or just drinking like the rest of us. Of course, you could also take the lesson to be "Don't leave your glass shit lying everywhere".


On a completely unrelated note, Salem landmark "Lucky Fortune" restaurant & lounge is on the brink of losing their liquor license\, therefore making the entire operation potentially pointless. Mind you, I'm only using the term landmark in the loosest sense--in reality, it's only a landmark to the WDR crew, who have constructed an entire mythology behind what we believe to be the one mob-backed eatery in town (well, yakuza-backed to be specific). Of course, when we heard that the reason for this is the fact that people constantly get shot there, we couldn't say that we were surprised. Not coming from a place that recently scored a 48 on its health inspection test.

We'll be sure to keep you updated, as more trivial retarded shit develops.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Hump Day Helper -- "Elegant Bachelors" Edition


Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

The big news this week is the reunion of '90s alterna-rockers Stone Temple Pilots, so we honor them today as title-holders of "Hump Day Helper of random week in April". There are probably a few reasons why you may be greeting this news of pretty decent news with a collective "meh"--they weren't the best of the grunge bands (though they weren't as bad as a lot of the critics claimed)' they've only been gone for a while, and their offshoot projects (the craptacular Velvet Revolver and the better-than-you'd-think Army of Anyone) got some good airplay; and speaking of airplay, turn on Modern Rock radio and within a couple of hours you'll hear one of their hits. Plus, I have to mention that their last album, Shangri-La-Dee-Da, is a fucking atrocity.

That being said, I'm somewhat excited for their return. Sure, STP is no Soundgarden, but it's still something, right? We'll overlook the fact that they've decided to skip over Oregon in their reunion mega-tour, and celebrate the fact that STP was a pretty darn good band, Scott Weiland's lyrics aside. Trust me, listen to the guitar and bass parts to their songs, and tell me that the DeLeo brothers aren't great--Dean's brilliant use of strange chords and Robert's melodic bass are both worthy of respect.

While I feel their best song is either the ballad "Atlanta" or the mid-tempo mood piece "Big Empty", that doesn't really do the job of being a Hump Day Helper. So instead we're doing the rave-up, "Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart", which simultaneously shows the rawk side of STP and the fact that Scott Weiland is pretty demented for coming up with a title like that.

So keep your bankroll lottery eat your salad day deathbed motorcade!

And if you're confused about the title of this post, this should help set you straight

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Pepperjack is NOT playin'!

Some good news in the world of entertainment!


I don't watch a whole lot of TV at school because, well, I don't want to pay for it and the cable is only available in the other bedroom of my apartment. Still, when I lose a show that I like, it really brings me down. That's why I was glad to see that It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be coming back for a 4th season! (Ed. Note: And you could bet your ass that Nic is excited as well)

This isn't exactly a new development (Apparently Entertainment Weekly broke the story more than a month ago) but it's new to me, and that's what matters, right? Now I won't have to look for clips on YouTube to get my fix. And it means that fellow Oregon Duck Kaitlin Olsen will still be on TV, so EVERYONE wins!

Times are good.

Monday, April 7, 2008

The Most Disturbing Thing You'll See All Day

Well, I guess that all depends...

Today I made pilgrimage to the local CD Game Exchange, which is a popular place for the WDR crew for spending huge amounts of money. What I found there, and ultimately bought was not a copy of the Dandy Warhols' Thirteen Tales of Urban Bohemia (I wanted to hear a good version of "Big Indian," damn it!). It wasn't even the same medium as it turns out. What I found was a notorious 1999 film called Audition.

Now, you might be thinking "I don't know this movie" or "Is that a short film with Hilary Swank?" Well, you might not know it because it's Japanese and No. And let me also say that it isn't one of those movies like The Ring that just makes you angry for having spent time watching it (She can't just be evil! That doesn't make sense! GAH!). No, this is a truly scary film. It's not going to be remade in America, I can bet. It even scared Rob Zombie, which is saying something.

Now, I know that there's a lot of horrible shit out there on the interwebs (Two Girls One Cup as the most popular example and Meat Porn as one less so (Thankfully)), but this is just a really disturbing film. I mean, Jacob's Ladder was some scary shit (especially if you're in an altered state) but movie take it to another level. I'm not going to say more than that.

So, you should check it out. I just watched it today and now I'm approaching all canvas bags with caution...

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Exercies in Political Discourse

I got this video from esteemed contributor Von Bookman, and there was no way that I was not going to put it up here. Now, I can't stand anything that has to do with RPGs or text-based nonsense games, but I'll tell you wha, this is some clever stuff right here.

The Presidential Race in less than 90 seconds:

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Tourney

I'm not a big fan of UCLA. I'm a Duck, and the only real connection I have to UCLA was my grandmother. Sadly, the Ducks are out of the race for the NCAA championship. This was a huge disappointment for most of the season actually, considering how well last year went (and how we only lost one huge player from that team). But, the Ducks are out, and I find myself half-heartedly supporting UCLA. I guess it's better than Stanford and the "What-the-fuck-is-it?" mascot thing they've got going. Seriously.

Also, my bracket is pretty fucked, from what I recall. I think I did have UCLA in the final four (perhaps even winning...) but fucking Yahoo won't let me look at my account and I've been too damn lazy to sort the fucker out. Oh, well...

Still, I think I did just as well as Dick Vitale, who probably wrote his out at Hooters. ("Yeah, Baby!") As it happens, this big Hooters banner ad came up as I wrote that. That's what I want to see with my buffalo wings: Dick Vitale.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hump Day Helper -- Akron Blues Edition


Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

It doesn't get much better than The Black Keys when it comes to fucked-up blues rock, and frankly, that's something that we all need more of in our lives. I've stated before that if I owned a bar, I would have the entire catalog of the Keys on hand, because nothing says a classy establishment like those guys. It says you're here for some serious drinkin', and I don't have time for any of your bullshit.

They had a new album come out yesterday, and you bet your ass I got my hands on a copy of it as soon as I could. It's somewhat of a change from the more straight-forward warped-revival that they went with before, but that tends to happen when you add a producer like Danger Mouse to the mix. But I decided to dip into their past with this goofy-ass video directed by David Cross. And when that solo guitar comes ripping in at the end, you'll thank me.

You’ve got pains
Like an addict
10 A.M. automatic...

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

How LOST Will End

Nah, just kidding. Here is just the greatest clip ever from a show that's way more watchable that it should be.