I can't lift weights to Sixpence None the Richer (or any of this other shit)

So I took my daily trip to the gym today, and as is usually the case, the music they were playing was pretty bad. When it wasn't horrible, it was at the very least nothing to lift weights to. Today it was the soft-rock bullshit station on XM (I'm pretty sure that's the real name) which was a slight departure from yesterdays "Rap with the same beat pattern or loop from 'Sweet Dreams.'"

Today was certainly different, and up until bicep curls, everything was just mediocre. Then, the gym was confronted with the Trio of Terror: Three extremely irritating songs that forced me out of the gym prematurely.

Song 1: "Hey There Delilah" - The Plain White T's

Feel extremely lucky if you haven't heard this song. It basically encompasses everything about "emo," which is to say that it encompasses everything that sucks. It's one of those acoustic guitar strumming whinefests about some emo bitch named Delilah. Delilah? I doubt that's her real name. It's probably something like Katie or Kristen or something else with a K. I didn't know any Delilahs in school, did you? Of course you didn't, because there weren't any.

But whether or not this girl is actually named Delilah or not isn't really at issue. What is at issue is the fact that this guy goes on and on about this girl for what seems like an eternity with lyrics that, for a lack of better words, suck balls. Like this:

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

What a load of horse shit. I love that this guy knows exactly what all of his friends have every felt and knows that they've never been in "love." Give me a fucking break. Here's some more:
You be good and don't you miss me Two more years and you'll be done with school And I'll be making history like I do You'll know it's all because of you

I hope that she's getting done with college and not high school, fucko. Making history? Maybe as a lame emo pederast. I just found a picture of these guys.



What a bunch of wankers. Although I have to give the black dude some credit for actually looking genuinely disgusted at being in this picture

I've had enough of this shit. Next song.

Song 2: "Have a Nice Day" - Bon Jovi

Now, I've never liked Bon Jovi, so it's not saying much to say that I didn't like this song. What is saying something is that this is quite possibly the stupidest Bon Jovi song I've ever heard.

Now, you can tell by the guitar intro and Jon Bon Jovi screaming that this is supposed to be some hard shit. But then it seems to be held back and just ends up sounding bad. This is before the lyrics even come into it, which are awful. Bon Jovi need to realize that they're about as hardcore as kittens with pink bows. And guitars, I guess.

Edit [Nic Ouzo]: Now is a perfect time to show this video of Triumph with Bon Jovi. Props to Dr. Kwabert for re-alerting me of its presence

Song 3: "Some Shitty Nickelback Song" - Nickelback

This is the straw that broke the camel's back. Pretty much anything from Nickelback would work here because they suck so very much (as anyone with any sense would know). I'm not going to go on too much about this one because the absolute shitfest that is Nickelback's recordings is pretty well established. It doesn't really matter what song it was, but I'll find it just so you can feel the pain. Actually, fuck that. I'll just say that it's one where the guys talks about being in high school and being a fucking idiot. No thanks for sharing dude, but maybe you can go meet up with that fucko from Plain White T's. He's got some high school girl to sing to you about.