Blame the Tubes!

As alluded to earlier, our initial plans to celebrate the release of The Simpsons Movie kind of went awry. Much was promised, and let's not play the blame game, because it's boring (let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos instead!). But yeah, Joe and Zhuang kind of dropped the ball there. At least I thought that was the case until I had our staff of zoo animals look into the matter (they're even cheaper than illegal immigrants!).


Our crack investigative team found out that our other two authors indeed made contributions. The problem instead lay in the structure of the internet itself. As many of our more well-educated readers realize (and our more well-attractived readers as well...ladies...and dudes), the internet is a series of tubes* (though they are NOT made of cardboard). Unfortunately, some of the tubes being used for our Simpsons Extravaganza were routed through the great state of Wisconsin, where they are apparently very proud of the map of of their state, as the initial results of a Google Image Search indicates. In the process of being routed through Wisconsin, the tubes being used to deliver our quality posts to you, the intelligent and DAMN good-looking reader, were clogged with Wisconsin's greatest natural resource, healthy artery-clogging cheese. As a result, we were unable to fulfill our previous promises.


However, we have dispatched a "friend" of WDR, the Sea Cow to clean up the mess (we assume this will involve eating the delicious cheese, as it is a well-established fact that manatees fucking love nacho cheese). As for those responsible for routing our posts through Wisconsin, they have been sacked. And for those that discovered the problem, they have been sacked as well, because they didn't inform of the problem sooner and also because they were really just covering their own asses. And those that were witnesses to the previous sackings were themselves sacked.



If you understand the connection between that last strained joke and this upcoming news item are entitled to a selection of assorted shrubberies. Sadly, today was a day in which we bid farewell to many people, including Ingmar Bergman. The Seventh Seal was one of the greatest films I have ever seen, and Wild Strawberries ranks right up there as well. And Persona holds a distinct place as being one of the three most insane movies I've ever seen. While Tom Snyder (who I only saw once, and wondered why the hell does this not-funny guy have what seems to be a comedy late-night show) and Bill Walsh (the noted football genius) each deserve their share of remembrances, Bergman will be the one I remember, and not only because I desperately try to claim the image of a moody intellectual.

I just hope Ingy gets to do that crazy dance with Death over those rolling hills. And remember, tubes are your friend.



*In the process of writing this entry, the FBI raided Ted Stevens's home. Freaky!