The TUBE, We Hardly Knew Ye

Last night, I learned of a terrible traveshamockery. No, not the brutal crackdown in Myanmar--that's an actual tragedy, made worse only by the fact that we ignored it for over a decade, and we'll probably forget about in a couple of weeks (seriously, shouldn't the fact that Rambo saw genocide be reported?!). No, today I mourn the loss of a television channel. A channel that the vast majority of people either did not receive or had no idea that they in fact had. And that was probably a good reason why the channel failed.


That channel was called The TUBE. What the hell was The TUBE? Well, it had the crazy idea that a channel that broadcasts only music videos could survive. I mean, what kind of audience existed for that, besides the millions of people that were pissed off with the continual downward spiral of the Television Channel Formerly Known As Music Television. I had sung the praises of this channel months earlier, and would continue to be a patron of its services over the ensuing months. This was especially true in the summer, where I stayed in a house that lacked cable, but somehow received this channel. So it was a great shock when I was flipping through the channels last night, and found out it no longer exists.

Thinking back, I should've realized that all the signs were there. For one, the commercials mainly consisted of Billy Mays pitching a carwash soap or some sort of hi-tech mop, or one for some annoying toy helicopter that was somehow amazingly expensive. These are not the kind of sponsors with which you can support a solid businessplan. That, and its total lack of advertising in other mediums (or on other channels) probably doomed it to a small audience.


So, despite the channel's numerous failings (like its rotation that was 40% David Grey and Genesis videos, plus the hard-on that the channel had for every Beatle's solo project), I carry a heavy heart over the death of this channel. But rest assured, the message that flashes across the now blank screen assures me that something will replace the channel soon! Because, you know I was worried that Channel 303 would be empty, and that I would randomly type it into my remote and be disappointed only to see nothing. I am very comforted by this.