So You Find Yourself Visiting L.A. (Part II)

More Tales From Broseph U

One would think that there would be a lot to talk about when you're in LA. And that certainly is true. But you're going to get more USC stories. Because that's how I roll, bitch.


1. My mere presence confuses and frightens the female of the species: Of course, this fact is not something that was previously unknown to me. All my life, I have had to deal with this condition (though, strangely enough, small children love me). But the reactions usually aren't as egregious as one instance that occurred a couple of days ago, where one lady decided that since Joe and I were heading in one direction at the crosswalk, that SHIT I HAVE TO GO THE OTHER WAY OR THOSE DUDES WILL RAPE ME. At least I got rid of my beard, which has decreased the thoughts in women 43% that I would rape them. So I have that going for me.


2. The panhandlers are unusually aggressive around here: Joe apparently hasn't learned the art of ignoring the panhandler, and has instead attempted dialogue with them once they inquire about the availability of change on his person. When Joe informs the decrepit vagrant that he is unable to provide the necessary monetary compensation that would be used to exchange for a hot dog, said vagrant turns combative and abusive. And then chase after the two of us. Joe needs to enroll in Hobo Manners 101 next term.

3. I was apparently misinformed about the intellectual capacity of the average USC student: Before, I had felt that though the population of USC was made up entirely of Brosephs and their potential (willing) date-rape victims, but I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt when it came to their academic capacities. After all, I came from a school where The Popped Collar was not just a fashion choice, but a Way Of Life. But that changed once I saw the Trojan student in action--on Trojan Vision.



It's one thing for students to prove themselves retarded when they do a stupid game show. That's understandable. But when you have a show that is supposed to analyze current events, and it is staffed by mouth-breathers, you've got a problem. And that was the case for "Platforums" (brilliantly retarded title by the way), which presented a totally incompetent take on the controversy behind the Armenian Genocide, run by a moderator who had clearly not read the cue cards ahead of time. You had the token representative from the Turkish Student Group, who would parrot talking points lifted from any hyper-nationalistic source. It wouldn't be so bad if it seemed she had a grasp of the issues instead of merely memorizing specific phrases. To be fair, the Armenian student representative did not fare much better. Then you had Broseph With Tie who was content to ask such pointed observations as "What?" and "Dude, that was a long time ago". However, all spite should be held for the fourth member of the panel, which all too willingly took the position of Ignorant Jerkass American. She was clearly concerned that all this talk of genocide from eighty years ago was taking time away from her figuring out how to bed that second-string linebacker.



In other words, it was a proud moment for this degree-granting institution. What proceeded was a 15 minute trainwreck of a discussion, in which all the principals proved that they had little-to-no understanding of the subject, beyond a cursory look at a few CNN.com headlines. Fuck, they could have just taken a minute to read this retarded site right here and they would have been better informed.

And now if you excuse me, I have more hobos to avoid.