Always Read The Fine Print

The fine print on advertisements has always been a ripe subject for hacky comedians, which means that it's a topic that is right up WDR's alley. But we're not going to do a bit on how "it's so tiny, how do they expect us to read this?". Or make fun of the various side-effects that they list in those pharmaceutical ads ("boy, I would think getting explosive diarrhea kind of negates the decrease in my social anxiety! Thanks Paxil!)? Especially now, considering that they apparently have to state all the harmful possibilities at the exact same volume as the rest of the pitch, leading to ad companies trying to come up with creative new ways to account for this, like the one ad for the birth-control pill that is the same name as a famous Red Sox All-Star that conveniently has the friend also be some sort of physician. No, we're here to point out the utter ridiculousness of the substance of the fine print. Is this different? No, but we don't get paid to be better than that.

1). Fictionalized Scene There's a Dodge commercial that begins with what appears to be wine swirling around in a glass. You're thinking, hey, that Pinot Gris would really go great with that trout I'm fixing tonight (or that Lean Cuisine Lasagna that you're actually microwaving). But wait! There's a twist! The camera pulls out, and we see what is actually dispensing the slightly-colored liquid. Tis not a winebottle, tis a gaspump nozzle! Oh, the situational irony!



And once we get the shot that reveals the nozzle, we get the aforementioned fine print (the part that we put in bold, minus the numeral). And there is only one question to ask about this: Why??!???! Would it be so scandalous if there was actually a nozzle dispensing gasoline? Is this too saucy for us to see, the real gasoline instead of a similar-looking liquid?

That doesn't beat this gem, however...

2). The Way VERAMYST works is not entirely understood. I just saw a commercial for MiracleDrug (TM) VERAMYST last night, and saw that line appear in the middle of the commercial. I don't know whether to laugh, or be frightened. I would assume that this drug is FDA-approved, and has gone through years and years of rigorous testing. Yet they're not sure how the hell it works? I always said you can never trust someone with a so-called Doctor's License!

This is so strangely reminiscent of the Happy Fun Ball that I'm almost afraid to inquire further--is it alien technology, or just magic? If it was either of those, couldn't we have done something better than allergy medication. I still want a hovercar, dammit.



Heed the warning of the Happy Fun Ball