Joe Reefer Watches 8 Minutes of "Air Bud: Golden Receiver"

Though it will be my name that appears as the author of this post, all credit for this goes to our demented genius Joe Reefer. Believe me, we've been trying to get him to write more often, but we simply don't have enough women to bribe Joe (which is totally due to the fact that we couldn't pick up anyone to save our lives (and I guess frankly, we're kind of scared of them (the horror, the shame!))).

This is a reprint of a conversation that I had with Joe over AIM this past Sunday. Yes, we use such olden technology as the Instant Messenger, and not just communicate in Series of Texts. It's being reprinted without permission (not even implied oral consent, much less expressed written consent), and is edited for length and clarity*, and some random annotated "director's commentary" from me.

*we didn't need a discussion of the Thomas The Tank Engine version of "There Will Be Blood", really

Joe Reefer: I am actually watching an airbud movie
Joe Reefer: the director's choices are... immaculate
Nic Ouzo: i'm telling you, it's a brilliant series on par with The Godfather and Star Wars
Joe Reefer: you missed the amazing "OH NO MY DOG IS ON THE COURT *camera spins on its axis and image distorts in a zig-zag*" shot
Nic Ouzo: so they did that thing where they attach the camera to your waist, so you get that weird drunken feeling, but to a dog?
Nic Ouzo: because that would be awesome
Joe Reefer: haha, no it was a close-up of the kid's face in shock... and then his head spun so it was upside-down for a minute
Nic Ouzo: hehehe
Joe Reefer: then the image distorted like a bad dream-sequence edit, except it never faded to anything new
Nic Ouzo: i can see scorsese using that in his next picture
Joe Reefer: I hope he does


Joe Reefer: all it was missing was the Home Alone hands-on-cheeks moment
Nic Ouzo: we need to mail him a copy of Airbud with a note saying precisely this!*
Joe Reefer: actually, I think this is the one about football
Joe Reefer: I was just confused at the beginning because it had a whole sequence of people finding out he could play basketball, and I had assume that this had been dealt with in the original AirBud, but....
Nic Ouzo: haha
Nic Ouzo: it's like a "in case you were wondering, here are the origins of our hero"
Joe Reefer: except it wasn't a flashback... as far as I could tell
Nic Ouzo: well then they were just picking up where they left off, i guess
Joe Reefer: I don't know, I was very confused


Nic Ouzo: well, that's the thing about Airbud movies
Nic Ouzo: true mindbenders
Joe Reefer: it's pretty heady stuff
Joe Reefer: you also missed the great subplot where the kid decides to play football to protest his mom dating some guy he doesn't like
Nic Ouzo: that's how I ended up in theater camp
Joe Reefer: hehehe
Nic Ouzo: *not a true story†
Joe Reefer: why must you turn my im window into a house of lies
Nic Ouzo: because that's how i roll
Nic Ouzo: Boom, bitch.




***********************

One Hour Later…

Joe Reefer: OH NO
Joe Reefer: AIRBUD GOT SACKED
Joe Reefer: AIRBUD IS DOWN
Joe Reefer: CAN THE TEAM GO ON WITHOUT A DOG AS ITS QUARTERBACK???
Nic Ouzo: no


Joe Reefer: yeah they lose the series
Nic Ouzo: i think they're totally fucked
Joe Reefer: they are
Joe Reefer: there is no way that the main kid-character will somehow win the game at the last second
Joe Reefer: OH SHIT
Joe Reefer: they're going with a B-52 crossing pattern
Joe Reefer: THEY ARE IN THEIR OWN PRIVATE IDAHO, MOTHERFUCKERS
Nic Ouzo: HA
Nic Ouzo: they went totally gay on this?‡


Joe Reefer: if you have never seen a dog in a football jersey barking in support of his football team, then AirBud: Golden Receiver is the movie for you


Nic Ouzo: hahahahaha
Joe Reefer: YYYEEEEESSSSSS
Joe Reefer: GGGGGOOOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLL
Nic Ouzo: i expect a full write-up of this on the blog
Joe Reefer: HE THREW THE BALL
Joe Reefer: HE THREW THE BALL
Joe Reefer: THE ANGELS WIN THE PENDENT
Joe Reefer: SOMEONE CAUGHT THE BALL
Joe Reefer: WOOHOOOO
Nic Ouzo: (pennant, not pendent"
Nic Ouzo: hehe
Joe Reefer: oh whatever
Nic Ouzo: hehehe
Nic Ouzo: i just tried to sneak it in
Joe Reefer: I don't think I can ever write about this movie again, it was so far beyond retarded....
Nic Ouzo: noooooo!
Nic Ouzo: seriously, that quote about "this is the movie for you" was brilliant
Joe Reefer: also I think I watched a sum-total of maybe 8 minutes of this movie
Nic Ouzo: like that matters
Joe Reefer: alright, I'll put it in the "Maybe" pile
Nic Ouzo: the YES pile
Joe Reefer: by which I mean that if ... whatever station this is... re-runs it again today I will do it
Nic Ouzo: hehehe


Joe Reefer: wait, I thought he joined the football team so his mom wouldn't date this guy
Joe Reefer: ... for some reason...
Joe Reefer: but now he is hugging the guy♠
Nic Ouzo: well, he learned about family and all that bullshit
Nic Ouzo: that revenge isn't always the best motivation
Joe Reefer: I see this as being the biggest plot-hole of the film
Nic Ouzo: hehe
Nic Ouzo: "Joe Reefer Watches 8 minutes of Air Bud: Golden Receiver"
Joe Reefer: hehehe
Joe Reefer: okay, the best part of this movie is officially this - Immediately after the movie, whatever sitcom it is that came on after started off with an exchange about Santa not being real
Joe Reefer: I'm willing to bet that some childrens' lives were just ruined right here♪

*This was very similar to our original plan to remake Audioslave: send them old Soundgarden and Rage Against the Machine records, with a note saying "Hey, you should check these guys out!"

†It was actually ice dancing camp

‡From what I remember of a plot summary of the movie, I think it had something to do with gay hookers. Sorry Mr. Port Land, Gus Van Sant, I haven't seen your movie.

♠I like how Joe, who pretty much hates sports, knew all the sports movie clichés, but not the generic "family coming together" cliché

♪I've run out of things to use for footnotes