Catholicism NOW!

Oh, media. I didn't realize the United States was a Catholic country until this week. With the constant fawning coverage of The Pope (non Space- version), one would be hard-pressed to come up with an alternative conclusion, at least one that wasn't as accurate as that of Intelligent Falling.

The man has had more cameras trained on him than [insert lame Britney/Paris Hilton/random other "socialite" name here (seriously, there's no real good joke here to tell)]. So much so, that I'm beginning to think that the "C" in CNN might not stand for "Cable". We eagerly await his arrival, set up multiple press conferences, and spend countless hours admiring his choice in fancy hatwear. Then we all pretend to listen to Pope Speech 3C, with the calls to end war and stem cell research and love each other and so on. You know, typical hippie crap (they never were really big fans of science (and reason) either).

The point is, it's all a bit ridiculous, no? Well, beyond the idea of a "pope", a rotating position that bestows fucking infallibility on a bishop of a specific township based on the votes of a few other bishops. We understand that he's the spiritual leader of a lot of people (I mean, every other entertainer you listen to has been "raised Catholic"--not to mention, 5 out of 9 Supreme Court Justices (with another being Episcopalian, aka "practically Catholic")), but is wall-to-wall sycophantic coverage truly necessary? Give me a 2 minute rundown, and be sure to include tips on weeding out potential fake Popes (hi-top sneakers, incredibly foul mouth, etc.)

Besides, there's only one Catholic leader that I'll listen to.



I eagerly anticipate a threatening phone call from Bill Donahue any minute now.