I'm serious. I am dead serious. It is in everyone's best interest that you just skip by this post. Go about your business and leave this just as a note in the historical record of the internet. Don't click the link.
What I have here, is the holy grail. It is the end of a quest that began long ago and that I thought would continue until the end of my days. However, this quest came to an abrupt and unexpected end for me the other night, and it is in the interest of history that I record it here. The mission is over. The land has been claimed in the name of... well, France I guess?... It's over, it's done. I have found it: The worst, most ridiculous, hilarious, disgusting, awful porn ever made that is not so repulsive that it is physically unwatchable. This is a milestone for both pornography AND the internet. It is a masterpiece that treads the line between hilarious and unwatchable with razor precision. It straddles every human emotion that we have a word for, and some that can only be expressed with clicks and hums, and probably some that are actually just Inuit words for snow. It is BEYOND THE BEYOND. I cannot express the brilliance of it, and the horror. Yet I submit it here, for the record. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK. For your own good.
Don't ask me how I came to find this, In truth I don't even know anymore. It was just one of those things where someone passed me a link to something funny, and I followed a few other links that were too ridiculous to pass up, and then by the magic of the internet I arrived at pornography. This is honestly the first thing in... probably about 2 years... that has actually broken me. This brought me to hysterical tears of laughter and madness in the middle of the night. I woke up my roommate who had to come ask if I was alright because I couldn't contain my reaction. I then had to pretend it was just some conversation I was having with a friend because I couldn't bring myself to inflict this monstrosity upon him. This is one for the records, people.
What I have here, is the holy grail. It is the end of a quest that began long ago and that I thought would continue until the end of my days. However, this quest came to an abrupt and unexpected end for me the other night, and it is in the interest of history that I record it here. The mission is over. The land has been claimed in the name of... well, France I guess?... It's over, it's done. I have found it: The worst, most ridiculous, hilarious, disgusting, awful porn ever made that is not so repulsive that it is physically unwatchable. This is a milestone for both pornography AND the internet. It is a masterpiece that treads the line between hilarious and unwatchable with razor precision. It straddles every human emotion that we have a word for, and some that can only be expressed with clicks and hums, and probably some that are actually just Inuit words for snow. It is BEYOND THE BEYOND. I cannot express the brilliance of it, and the horror. Yet I submit it here, for the record. DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK. For your own good.Don't ask me how I came to find this, In truth I don't even know anymore. It was just one of those things where someone passed me a link to something funny, and I followed a few other links that were too ridiculous to pass up, and then by the magic of the internet I arrived at pornography. This is honestly the first thing in... probably about 2 years... that has actually broken me. This brought me to hysterical tears of laughter and madness in the middle of the night. I woke up my roommate who had to come ask if I was alright because I couldn't contain my reaction. I then had to pretend it was just some conversation I was having with a friend because I couldn't bring myself to inflict this monstrosity upon him. This is one for the records, people.
3 comments:
I think you need to read the chapter "Meating the Fans" from "Long, Hard Road Out of Hell." Here's an excerpt:
"Everybody was having a good time-except the guys in Nine Inch Nails, who were keeping their distance."
I think this could properly describe what happens here...
Also, I think it's appropriate that "Sin" happened to come on shuffle when I saw this post.
Good. GOD.
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