Monday, January 14, 2008

WDR Returns!...With A Vengeance!...YES

OR: How We Spent Our Winter Vacation


Some of our more perceptive readers (i.e., the ones who aren't here just for our dirty pictures/Ronnie Coleman breakfast recipes) may have noticed a slowdown in our production. Then again, considering our Sitemeter numbers, there's a good chance that's not the case, since we're averaging similar numbers with or without new content. Nevertheless, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling towards freedom. And irreverence, I guess. Because that's how we roll.

I imagine some of you are wondering just why we weren't filling up the [other word for "blogosphere", because it's a horrible term] with our mindless ramblings, well, the answer is simple. It's because we were all together, in the same city at the same time (if we were occupying the same space at the same time, we'd have some sort of Physics Anomaly that would result in the ending of Timecop being played out in reality--you'd have to consult our Resident Practitioner of the Black Arts of Physics, Joe Reefer, for further study). You might think that having all three co-authors of the blog might lead to enhanced productivity, but you would be sadly mistaken. All it does is lead to incredible, incredible destruction. If you thought that what happened when I had my mini-vacation in July was bad, you're in for quite the shock.



Sorry Rasheed for all the mess. We might just sweeten your perks package by giving you free Equal for your coffee during your unpaid internship here.

All we were able to accomplish was drinking. A lot of it. We're talking epic here. We weren't even able to accomplish more modest goals of specific movie nights, much less work on the blog due to the sheer amount of alcohol being poured down various gullets. To say the "beer flowed like wine" would be an understatement. But now the holidays are over, and everyone is separated, and finally, progress shall be accomplished. And the drinking shall be done (relatively) alone.

To sum up: Drinking + WDR authors = Hilarity!
Drinking + WDR authors together = Chaos.
And Destruction.


Nevertheless, the holidays weren't a total washout. We were able to brainstorm about potential column ideas, some of which may be better than others (which will probably be a function of our state of inebriation at the time of inspiration (with the function of course being "more shitfaced = more awesome idea!")). One such idea was the creation of a drink I'd like to call "Mr. Festive", or as it will be known around most office Christmas parties, "The Babymaker".

It's a relatively simple concept that's perfect for the Christmas season. People are always looking to put liquor into their Egg Nog, because they are kind of unwilling to just soak in the delicious nogness of the beverage (that, and I guess they'd rather have the added benefit of getting wasted while downing all that delicious fat and calories--I call it the "regret multiplier"!) That's where my inspiration came into play. What could be a better Holiday Combo Offering than Peppermint Schnapps and Egg Nog?! It's like your drinking a Crack Candy Cane! Drunk Santa heartily approves.



So "Mr. Festive" is simply a nice big shot of Ice 101 and a scotch-glass sized offering of Nog, resulting in an unholy marriage that puts you in a holiday spirit that's sure to annoy Janice in Accounting. "Ice Nog" or "Nog 101" (as Joe and Zhuang call it) is sure to lead to many a drunken grope at your Office Party, but the price of a few sexual harassment suits (and I guess paternity suits as well) are worth it when considering the joy you'll get from drinking one or nine of these delicious cocktails. All this solidifies my stake to the claim of "Food Alchemist", as seen in my previous attempts of combining random foods (See: Macaroni & Cheese and Curry; Raisin Bagels with American Cheese). And with the great possibility of me acting the fool due to the inclusion of My Kryptonite, Everybody Wins!

So sit back, everybody, and grab yourself a Mr. Festive (if you have an unexpired jug of Nog). It's going to be a fantastic 2008 for WDR.

No comments: