The Dutch Take Their Bike Safety Very Seriously

Sir, have you been drinking?

This is the story of my first encounter with Dutch police. Unfortunately, it would not be my last.

I had just gotten back from a weekend trip to London, where I had gotten my Eurotrash on, when I stopped by my office to pick up my bike and ride it home. So after a train ride to the airport, 2 hours of waiting including delays, a one hour flight, a half-hour train ride to town, and a 10 minute bus ride to the office, I was only minutes away from heading home. I climbed aboard my bike, careful to balance the giant weight of my backpack that had carried my supplies for the weekend, including my laptop, and slowly made the journey back to my apartment as dusk began to settle in.


Now my office is located on a triangle of land that makes no sense any way you slice it for a bicycle to go anywhere. Any way you really want to go, you're going to cut across traffic at some point and risk getting your ass Canyonero'd to the curb. So I head to the stoplight and contemplate whether I should risk going the wrong way down a one-way street, because it cut off about half a kilometer from my route. I see that the traffic signal perpendicular to me had gone from green to red, and since no cars were coming I made a careful turn into the street. About halfway through the maneuver I had second thoughts, and I decided to instead take the long way home.

Ah, but that would be my fatal error. A police vehicle (to call it a car would be too generous) had pulled in behind me without my knowledge. They saw the totality of this maneuver, and decided to pull me over. Of course, since I was heading down a narrow street, I initially thought the officers were just advising me to ride my bike on the sidewalk, but soon enough I found out their actual intent.

After some cheerful chirping on my part (Good evening officer, what exactly do you want me to do sir), the officer began in a roundabout way to get to the heart of the matter.

I need some ID. Do you need a passport, or will my driver's license be fine? The license is fine. [ ]. Did you see the stop light? Yes I did, but I saw the light was changiYou did not stop at the stop light. [ ]. Your lights are not on. Yes I know, I tried to turn them on, I couldn't get them on. Do you know how to do it? Yes of course. [ ]. See I told you it was broken. Sir, have you been drinking?. What? No, I haven't had anything today. It's just the first time I've ridden a bike in over 10 years and I'm carrying this heavy backpaSo you don't have the skills. I guess not. I do not smell alcohol. [ ]. Alright, it's 60 Euros for the missed stoplight, 30 Euros for the broken lights. If you hadn't done the stoplight, we wouldn't have had any of this. [ ]. Alright, my partner here is in a good mood. No fine. Just don't ride the bike. Just here, or when I get back into regular traffic. No, you walk the bike home. Thank you officer.



And I walked my bike the five kilometers to my apartment. And so there's the story of how I nearly got busted for a DUI on a 3-speed bike.