It's the End of the World As We Know It...Possibly.

But I'd still want some time alone

Patton Oswalt had it right: Scientists are all about "coulda", not "shoulda". And we're going to put that to the ultimate test today as some egghead physicists perform their voodoo black magic and try to recreate the big bang (well, the first few milliseconds or whatever afterwards--I know Joe (if he's still alive) would split hairs over this). While this could be a boon to exploratory physics (how cute, they think they're like Columbus!), there is a potential downside:

The collapse of the universe.


Of course the scientists are trying to downplay the potential risk of all of existence being blinked out. They say things like, hey, if there's a black hole, it's going to be so small, you won't even notice! But like that ugly mole on that dude on the subway's neck, we will notice...when we're all dead. All I know is that you don't fuck with a black hole...and if you do, Sam Neill will try to kill you. But if you're reading this, you're probably safe from Sam Neill. For now.

Then again, if we don't die in a fiery blaze of glory tomorrow, at least we can count on the US being safe in Iraq. People like John McCain would like you to believe it's because of the "surge" (even if he doesn't understand what exactly this means), or if you have a brain, you mention a variety of factors, including Sadr instituting a cease-fire on his militia and the US bringing the Sunni militia onto its payroll. But Bob Woodward has news that you can use--we have a secret weapon in Iraq that's helped us turn one of those corners in the conflict. It's so secret that it's mentioned in the same breath as the Manhattan Project.

So of course we want to guess what the hell is the secret.



My guess is that we're using Iron Man in Iraq. I mean, I saw the movie--he's totally pissed at being kidnapped by random extremists. Plus, Batman's been kind of busy.