Honey Bunches of Oats is the Worst Cereal Ever Made

Yet I eat it just about every day.

You may ask yourself, why would I continue to eat a cereal that I clearly have little regard for? That's simply the wrong question to ask. A better question might be "Do BMX riders realize that you can't be badass when you're riding what amounts to be a bike for a six year-old?", though it would probably not be pertinent to the question at hand. Then again, if being relevant was your only concern, then yes, I guess, your initial question was fine.

The problem isn't with the taste of the cereal itself--no, it's the context beyond the cereal. That's because when you're eating "Honey Bunches of Oats", you're now eating "Old Man Cereal". Remember when you were young, the crazy shit you'd eat in your cereal? Shit, they put in fucking Oreo cookies and jelly beans and probably little chocolate donuts in cereals these days. But the day you stop eating Froot Loops is the day that you're called things like "mature" or people refer to you as "sir", like "Sir, that is not appropriate clothing for the Roadside Steak Shack, we must ask you to leave." I mean, since when did the Steak Shack have standards, any way?

And Honey Bunches of Oats doesn't help itself with their advertising. "With Almonds!" is a terrible selling point. Only old dudes get excited about nuts in their food, further cementing your reputation as an old man cereal. Plus, your cereal gets soggy as shit when I put milk in it, further destroying my mood and turning me into the old man that I apparently am.



However, Honey Bunches of Oats apparently now realizes that the only good thing about their cereal is the bunches. I don't know why it took them so long to realize that the one sweet part of the cereal was way better than soggy fucking cornflakes, but I'm guessing there aren't many geniuses at the Cereal Plant. So they've now decided to release a cereal called "Just Bunches". Color me excited--that's going to get me through the terror of 1L, I'll tell you that much (I'm being totally serious, you guys).

I remember I had a good joke about "Just Bunches", but I forgot it. If Mr. Zhuang or Joe decide to ever find this blog again, maybe they'll chime in with their answer.