Tuesday, June 26, 2007

What's The Deal With Long Pants?

That's right. I know what you're thinking, and I agree completely. This is one of the stupidest questions I/you've ever heard. However, the internet, and surprisingly enough the "real" world is swimming with equally or even more shockingly stupid questions.

What made me bring this up? - I can't remember. However, here is a list comprising the "deal" with long pants. This way you don't feel you have entirely wasted your time if you indeed did see the title of this post and thought to yourself "Hey, what is the deal with long pants?"


THE DEAL WITH LONG PANTS

1. You are an idiot.

2. Long pants keep your entire region from hip to ankle warm.

3. Long pants protect your entire region from hip to ankle from objects at a level of sharpness and velocity relative to your region from hip to ankle great enough to cut or scrape your skin, but without sufficient characteristics to cut your pants and render them useless.

4. Long pants protect your entire region from hip to ankle from sunburn.

5. Long pants are of integral importance to a clown's hilarity. Think about it. Have you ever seen a clown wearing short pants? If so, was he hilarious? - I didn't think so.

6. Actually, scratch that last one. Having just googled clowns to make sure I was right about them wearing long pants, I remembered that clowns are really not funny at all, regardless of their pant situation. However, this one is actually pretty damn creepy. I can only assume he is in fact not wearing long pants.


In conclusion, the internet is filled with a lot of garbage. I have said it before, and I will say it again: The internet is my landfill. This remains true. However, it is your duty as the internet's audience to call out the internet's litterbugs on their shenanigans. Let them know you may not know where they live, but you do know how to make fun of them on their own blog, livejournal, myspace, facebook, or any number of other horrendous wastes of time that they may partake in. I certainly hope someone complains about this post, because god damn was it a waste of your time if you bothered reading this far.


Enjoy.

No comments: