Nic Ouzo Visits The Motherland

As I alluded to yesterday, you may have noticed my absence from the pages of WDR. I mean, I'm not just calling attention to myself when I say that my lack of activity was noticeable. There are hard numbers (and perhaps soft numbers, who is to say) that back me up on this. Not that any of you care, it seems--our visit count stayed right around average during my absence, and not one of you wrote a comment asking "what the hell happened to Nic Ouzo?" or "I need more vital information like this in my life". You're all assholes.

To answer your non-questions about my absence, the title pretty much explains it all. You may ask, "what's the motherland?", and I'd smack you in the mouth, you petulant little shit, haven't you looked at my name? That's right, I spent the last two weeks relaxing in the country known for its olives and its startling lack of anything of value in the past 2500 years. We just bought a new house/condo/apartment/dwelling out there (I wasn't entirely sure what it was exactly--turns out the proper term may be "villa", but the Italians may sue over the use of that one), and I had to take a visit out there. Which meant I had to immediately drop my schedule of Not Doing A Fucking Thing, and instead go to a country where I speak 8 words (mainly, "please", "thank you", "cat", and "watermelon"--surprisingly, this helps in hundreds of conversations), and do all my nothing over there, on a beautiful secluded beach.



Unsurprisingly, that meant pretty much a total lack of internet, and therefore no words from The Nic Ouzo, Himself. I had to travel to the nearest two-goat village to be able to check my e-mail, and twenty kilometer treks by donkey are no walk in the park (they are in fact worse than 16 kilometer treks done via donkey). At some point in the trip, I was at the point where my thoughts consisted of "No TV and No Internet Make Nic Ouzo Something Something", but I managed. And despite assurances by my co-authors that either things would go smoothly here at WDR/they'd go nuts, I instead get a drunken post about a Cypress Hill cover, and that pretty much was it. Kudos you guys, you really earned your bonus this year.

In the end, I had a great time, and have a wealth of stories that I can share for the blog. I mean, what's not to like about beautiful mountains, fantastically clear blue water, awe-inspiring beaches, and...that German tourist is taking his girlfriend out from behind. Lovely.