Rampant Idiocy Run Amok

There are few things that are more infuriating than genuinely stupid policies. I'm sure you've reacted in very much the same way that I have when confronted with these--lots of anger, harsh words, cars being thrown, etc. But the important thing is not to ask who set what on fire, but why on earth these stupid policies exist in the first place.

The first target of my wrath is Hollywood Video. Now, I don't have a problem per se with the store itself--it often has a great selection (for Salem) of foreign and older movies, and the clerks are good about canceling your late fees. No, my problem is with their new policy of having you set up a new account for each Hollywood Video location.



That's right, for every Hollywood Video location, you need to have a membership at that particular location.

Why? You have my information already, what with my card being processed and it telling you that I have a goddamn membership at another location! Is it necessary that you make me go through these steps to find out my address and/or phone number if I'm late with a movie? Because that's the entire reason for setting up a membership. And I have to say, video clerk lady should not bitch at me that she has to fill in the information for me...when she would have to do to so regardless even if I filled out the pointless paperwork beforehand. That shit is still going into the computer.



Stop it Hollywood Video. You're making my head hurt.

What does Kenny G have to do with basketball?

And other obeservations

So last night I'm sitting at a bar enjoying a local brew and I see a basketball game on (Pepperdine v. Santa Clara). I'm not really paying a whole lot of attention to the game because, well, there really wasn't any reason to. But at the end, after the win, they do a montage of highlights from the game. It started off normal enough, but then...

"Is that Kenny G?"

And it was.

Why was Kenny G performing at this college basketball game? When did said performance actually occur? Why Kenny G?

These questions could go on for ... minutes.

Thankfully I had beer to put my mind to ease, however temporarily. I never could figure it out, but from the picture included here, Kenny G has some major hops!

OK, on to other things...

NEW LAYOUT!

That's right, WDR has a new layout and I couldn't be happier. Well, I guess I could be happier but not within reason. The new look is pretty sweet. Thanks to Nic for taking the initiative there!

There was something else I was going to mention, but what was it? I can't recall now, but I'm sure it involved alcohol and Groundhog Day. It'll come back to me.

You may now return from the edge of you seat.

Support Your Local Record Store

If there's one thing that unites the WDR crew besides our love of hard-core, barely legal pornography*, it's our shared musical taste (as for the pornography, let's just say it's that weird stuff that you have to get through the mail in brown paper bags). Much time has been spent discussing the relative merits of latter-period Pearl Jam, the mind-expandingly awesome nature of The Flaming Lips, or just how freakin' awesome that one(International) Noise Conspiracy concert was. So I'm sure they will be with me in spirit as I write this.


I spent the last weekend searching for a copy of the brand new Sigur Rós album, because I need a small rectangular box that conveniently shows just how pretentious I can be (and at the same time, how much of a pussy I am). I mean, we're talking about a fake album (it's two EPs put together), from a band that sings in a fake language a lot of the time. However, the big-box retailers all failed to have this album in stock. But you know, I totally could've gotten a sweet deal on a karaoke mic. Though strangely enough, Best Buy all of a sudden had 3 copies of the Airbag: How Am I Driving EP, after being totally absent from the shelves for years. But since they're too late, fuck 'em.


Eventually I rectified the situation and hit up the local record store establishment and found myself a copy (though at a price that more than a few would balk at paying). I then got into a discussion with the clerk about other post-rock bands and other bands on the Icelandic music scene. On top of that, I got my hands on a Guided By Voices album that is currently burning up my iTunes. It's this kind of personal touch that you have to love--the entire WDR crew is friends with the owners of Harvest Music, and as such not only have become good friends, but also get some pretty sweet deals for being regular customers.

Thank God Oregon has a passion for independent businesses, so we have more than our share. So make sure you stop by tomorrow, and do something like pick up the latest Hives record. Good times.

*Not true at all.

Don't Bother Me, I'm Watching TV

I'm sure most of you are wondering what I do with my time besides write for this blog, watch movies in a drunken stupor, and "researching". Since I am of minimal social skills but practice good hygiene, I spend a lot of that time watching TV (instead of, say, playing video games (hence the point about hygiene)). And tonight marks the night where I celebrate this fact rather than mourn it.


That's because for once TV is worth watching. It's Thursday night, and that means the comedy lineup on NBC. There's the amiable My Name Is Earl, which while the weak link of the night, is a nice appetizer for what's to come. Then there's the brilliantly zany 30 Rock, which quickly became a favorite last season. Between Alec Baldwin's deliciously insane portrayal of a corporate head to the endless parade of quotable lines ("Live every week like it's 'Shark Week'"; "TELEVISION: ON! PORNOGRAPHY!"), it's comic sunshine in my dull dull life. There's the now-familiar standby, The Office, which still has a kick in it, even when you think it's heading downhill. And then there's Scrubs; though it may have lost its fastball, it's still worth keeping up as it winds down its run.


Adding to this great lineup this season, there is the added bonus of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia on FX. 10 o'clock rolls around, I'm watching this one. As Zhuang put it, it's kind of like Friends, if all of them were evil. I've totally caught up on the first two seasons (not much of an accomplishment, in any sense of the word, since there were only a handful of episodes in total), and now I'm prepared for doubleshots of new episodes each week. Follow this with the standard Daily Show/Colbert Report power hour, I've got my entire Thursday night booked. And that means I want no distractions.

Fuck you if you ruin my Thursday night. Of course, NBC kind of ruins it with one-hour premieres and FX does the same with slightly long episodes that bleed into my power hour, but I can take it. I'm strong like that.

Up and At Them!

It's probably best we start off with the Boring and Redundant in our celebration (it only makes sense, plus I have a 3-hour head start on the rest of the WDR crew). What makes this post especially Boring and Redundant? Well, the fact that I'm going to take the funniest thing ever created in the last 20 years and attempt to reflect on its impact--something that is being done simultaneously by millions of other would-be writers (and other no-talent asshats in general). Killing two birds with one stone, folks.

I'll start with a personal story. For years I was not allowed to watch any TV at all during the week. Of course I compensated for this by generally spending 98% of my waking hours between Friday afternoon and Monday morning enraptured by the wondrous glow of the television, but the fact still remains that I went sans TV for a good part of my childhood. Not that I complain--it probably made me ten times the student that I would have been otherwise. It wasn't until years later that I was conceded one hour of TV watching per night.



Of course there was no question as to how I would spend that precious hour--I would use it up completely watching the daily reruns of The Simpsons. What's even more amazing was that I had banned from watching that program for years due to its "inappropriate content". It was only because my mom one day caught a glimpse of the brilliant satire--the line went something like "America has the best health care in the world!...behind Canada, France, England, Costa Rica, Russia, Guatemala..."

The Simpsons then would become an integral part of my persona. Yes, that looks awfully pathetic now that I see it writing, but its the truth. Its style of humor shaped my own sense of humor, as it did for countless others of our generation. We appreciated its irony, its absurdity, and its candor. It was the complete package. It would provide the perfect answer to anything that happened in your life. Raining outside? "Lousy Smarch weather". Something is disappointing you? "Worst. Episode. Ever." Make a grammatical error? "Me fail English? That's unpossible." Confronted with a ridiculous proposition? "Marge, I agree with you--in theory. In theory, Communism works. In theory." You've just triumphed over a space coyote? "In your face, Space Coyote!"



The Simpsons touch on everything from government ("I'll say it once, and I'll say it again--democracy simply doesn't work!") to religion ("I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me Superman!") to our education system ("That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them"). They've covered everything so thoroughly, that South Park made an entire episode about it--The Simpsons Did It! (a completely unoriginal point, but still true). When people look back to and study our culture hundreds of years from now, they could save themselves a lot of time and watch a good portion of the Simpsons's run. Plus anyone who's read this post has to love it when Homer taunts a group of Turks with "Come back here, you Cyprus-splitting jerks!"

So this is why we're giddy with anticipation over this movie. Sure, they've insulted my alma mater on multiple occasions ("Trick Pouring, which can be taken for credit at Dartmouth College!" and "I'll be drinking like a Dartmouth Boy"--not too bad at all, considering the digs they get in at Brown and Princeton (Otto nearly got tenure there and being a "clown college", respectively)). Sure, they've passed their creative peak, but we're still guaranteed a good laugh. Sometimes pointless nostalgia can have a point.



Now that I've said my piece, I'm going to go watch the hour of Simpsons reruns on TV now and drink. Because alcohol is the cause of--and solution--to many of life's problems!