This week will mark the reunion of the entirety of the WDR team for the first time since our epic Road Trip in August. Much has changed since then. Mr. Zhuang has taken up the sport of Jai Alai, using his skills to earn a living as he explores the epic territory that is Upper-Northwest Nebraska. Joe Reefer has become a vital member of the group Puppetry Of The Penis, showing that he can make productive use of his organ beyond leaving a litter of kids everywhere he lands.
As for myself, I have taken up and quit several jobs as I've attempted to find myself, but I have to admit it's taken me to some pretty weird places. As it stands, I'm now interning for a law firm that is taking depositions for a potential class-action lawsuit by Santa's elves. At least I was told they were Santa's elves...they could have been Malaysian sweatshop workers. I'm not really paying attention. I'm more concerned about catching the next repeat of "120 Minutes" on VH1 Classic, to tell you the truth.
But enough with the past. Here's to the future, as we will commence with the festivities on Wednesday night as we make an appearance at the Dandy Warhols annual Hometown Christmas Concert Spectacular. We are prepared to hear the best version of "Little Drummer Boy" we'll hear all year, and then go out drinking.
Because that's what we do. We're totally original like that.
I want to apologize for the lack of a post on Tuesday. I had come up with a great topic at the last minute, but was informed by my colleague that my services were not needed that day. Mr. Zhuang was all set to deliver a hilarious take on local commercials, exposing to the world some of the brilliant entrepreneurs we have up in the Pacific Northwest. But Zhuang is all concerned about his edumacation, and decided that he had enough writing for the night and needed to study instead. I mean, what kind of loser studies for finals?
Anyways, since Zhuang quit writing, and I had forgotten whatever the hell it was I was going to talk about, nothing got put up. Therefore there was a gap in your daily Wayne Diego intake that we can't blame on a random holiday, we apologize. Wait a second, Hanukkah began yesterday! We were just observing the day before! Quiet, we must rest. Shh..shhh...
Lo and behold, we had a topic come about today that very much falls in line with what we discuss here at WDR. Grammy nominations were announced today, which gives us the opportunity to both discuss music AND make fun of clueless old people. Because if there's one thing that you can count on each year, it's a terrible batch of Grammy nominations.
Before we get started, we'll just mention that we realize that the Grammys aren't a real award, so it is kind of pointless to debate their merits. Whatev.
There are only a few awards that we pay attention to: anything rock-related, and stuff like "best short form music video". The rock categories are an abomination this year, as out of 40 possible slots about 4 of them are in any way halfway decent, namely nominations for "The Pretender" and "The Pot". (Note: "Icky Thump" was specifically NOT mentioned, since it's the worst song that The White Stripes have recorded. By a longshot.) I mean, Wilco's "Sky Blue Sky" being nominated for Rock Album of the year? There's very little that's actually rocking on that album, besides Nels Cline's insane solo on "Impossible Germany" (even though it's a solid album through and through). And the less said of nominations for Daughtry, the better.
The most surprising nomination, however, was the one given to the Foo Fighters' Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace for ALBUM OF THE YEAR. I know you just heard me offer some praise for "The Pretender", but the album as a whole is quite mediocre--it barely cracks the top-5 of Foo Fighters albums. Clearly it's an example of a half-assed attempt to reach the mainstream rock community by belatedly honoring a slightly over-the-hill rock group whose best days are probably behind them (Exhibit A: the nominations racked up by the Red Hot Chili Peppers last year).
That's all we have to say about the Grammys. Except that Eddie Vedder gets an award, and that this is the video of the year.
Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.
WDR loves Halloween so much, that it would like to take it back behind the middle school and get it pregnant, despite the obvious constraints of Halloween not being an actual entity, but merely a concept. We of course laugh at such constraints, because we are not tied down by the laws of physics or logic. We exist beyond that crap. The point is, today we're going to combine two of our loves, music videos and Halloween (or, in other words, "weird shit").
In the past, we've showcased in our Hump Day Helper some strange videos, like Interpol's "Evil", and last week, we gave you a taste of the scary with a kickass song from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Now it's time for the main course, as we pick random videos that we enjoy as a collective whole and attempt poor commentary on why they make such worthy Halloween choices.
The Underrated Creepy Video Band We all know that Queens of the Stone Age has produced some of the most badass rock of the past decade (you will find their albums in constant rotation at WDR headquarters, especially R), but what has been overlooked is the crazy videos that these guys make. People remember the goofy Deer-Comes-Alive video of "No One Knows", but little else. What they're neglecting is stuff like the twisted cannibal horror of "Sick Sick Sick", the legitimately creepy violence of "Burn The Witch", and the terror that is a tranny scorned of this video, "Monsters In The Parasol".
Unfortunately, the scariest video of them all, "Everybody Knows That You're Insane", seems to be absent from the Interwebs. That being said, if you ever saw the original video with the deranged naked Japanese guy running around an apartment, you'd probably be scarred for some time.
The Ironic Scare Back in the day, this video seemed to scare people a lot. But these days, if they shot the video without all the makeup, but just as the performer is now, people would literally crap their pants in fear. That's all I'm going to say.
The Hipster Horror Video This song gets me pumped, and the video has a great style to it, from the grainy video quality to the ridiculous stop-motion attackers. Plus, the ending title cracks me up.
Gotta bust that box, gotta gut that fish!
The Video That Shows The Downfall Of The Second Album I'm including this video because it shows everything that went wrong with Sam's Town--overindulgence (see: giant gospel choirs and horns?!?!) and no sense of style. Plus, retardedly creepy lyrics--"Don't you wanna feel my bones on your bones" defies all previously held conceptions of terrible writing.
The Category for "I Know Too Much About Horror" We all know about Rob Zombie and his deal, and though I would much rather have a White Zombie video instead, we have to realize that this video was quite creepy to come across at 3 in the morning. Who said that a knowledge of horror movies was useless?
The "I Just Watched This A Minute Ago and I Had To Post It" Video Daft Punk are awesome, and though they venture quite often into the realm of the strange, they never had a video as terrifying as this one.
This is actually a Snuff Film Nine Inch Nails is of course very well known for their videos, though there was one set of videos that was deemed unworthy of airplay. Instead, it was sold on home video, where one could enjoy torture scenes and a trip down a toilet pipe in peace, with the fantastic ability to rewind. I'm only going to link to it, because frankly I don't want our blog to be investigated for anything. Mr. Zhuang has business contacts that the government DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW ABOUT.
Instead, let's just watch the perfectly stylized horror that is "The Perfect Drug".
Trent Reznor has stated that he is not a fan of his video, but dammit, it's sweet. Plus, we didn't want to go with the obvious choice of "Closer", even in all of its uncensored glory--though strangely enough, I appreciated the "Scene Missing" titles for giving it an even more mysterious air)
The "Holy shit, what happened to our instruments" Video I will never turn down an opportunity to post this video.
Yes, it was only a dream. But Steve Perry's crotch has been the stuff of nightmares for years.
The WTF Video Thanks for the heads-up in the comments section for this one. Glowing eyes, Urine-soaked fencing masks, SPEEDOS AND GYMNASTS--Good Christ, this video is terrifying.
We'll need the Dan Band to clean up after that one.
The Known Known Tool is world-famous for their horrific, yet brilliant videos. The only problem was choosing which one to feature--do you go with the psychological trauma of "Prison Sex" or the purgatorial angst of "Sober"? You can't go wrong with the out-and-out weirdness of "Ænema". Well, I'm going to have to go with the videos which might be described as "Fun With Tumors" with naked people.
Mr. Zhuang's Choice Well, he's a connoisseur of the Manson, so this choice is all his. I remember "Sweet Dreams" terrifying me as a child, and though it was responsible for one of the 3 funny things that David Spade has ever said ("Satan called, and said your videos are giving him nightmares"), this one is truly creepy.
(Note from Mr. Zhuang: This song and video are based off of Marilyn Manson's recurring nightmares. This should explain why it's pretty damn creepy)
Joe Reefer's Choice Joe has led a terrifying life.
The Indisputable Champ There is one man to turn to when it comes for the scares, and it's a guy that lives in a hollowed out former bank and drives a tank (at least that's what I hear). While "Windowlicker" has its own special kind of horror, I'm going with the video that has a demon shouting at me that he will eat my soul, and evil midgets terrorizing old ladies. Now that's fucking scary.
Well, enjoy your Halloween, everybody. And please, feel free to let us know what we missed in the comments.
Last night, I learned of a terrible traveshamockery. No, not the brutal crackdown in Myanmar--that's an actual tragedy, made worse only by the fact that we ignored it for over a decade, and we'll probably forget about in a couple of weeks (seriously, shouldn't the fact that Rambo saw genocide be reported?!). No, today I mourn the loss of a television channel. A channel that the vast majority of people either did not receive or had no idea that they in fact had. And that was probably a good reason why the channel failed.
That channel was called The TUBE. What the hell was The TUBE? Well, it had the crazy idea that a channel that broadcasts only music videos could survive. I mean, what kind of audience existed for that, besides the millions of people that were pissed off with the continual downward spiral of the Television Channel Formerly Known As Music Television. I had sung the praises of this channel months earlier, and would continue to be a patron of its services over the ensuing months. This was especially true in the summer, where I stayed in a house that lacked cable, but somehow received this channel. So it was a great shock when I was flipping through the channels last night, and found out it no longer exists.
Thinking back, I should've realized that all the signs were there. For one, the commercials mainly consisted of Billy Mays pitching a carwash soap or some sort of hi-tech mop, or one for some annoying toy helicopter that was somehow amazingly expensive. These are not the kind of sponsors with which you can support a solid businessplan. That, and its total lack of advertising in other mediums (or on other channels) probably doomed it to a small audience.
So, despite the channel's numerous failings (like its rotation that was 40% David Grey and Genesis videos, plus the hard-on that the channel had for every Beatle's solo project), I carry a heavy heart over the death of this channel. But rest assured, the message that flashes across the now blank screen assures me that something will replace the channel soon! Because, you know I was worried that Channel 303 would be empty, and that I would randomly type it into my remote and be disappointed only to see nothing. I am very comforted by this.
OK, so I was going to include this on the "Fiesta Friday" section (my or may not appear every Friday), but I was too lazy. Instead, I've found myself with some time today to make a new (and perhaps only) Sábado Celebration!
It was probably two weeks ago or so that Nic and I were watching music videos when this song came on. It was followed by laughter and some confusion on the part of Nic and I, which should become apparent when viewed.
Apparently, Will.I.Am has no idea how people, in fact, reproduce. Had he, he would know that it takes two parties, one with two X chromosomes and one with an X and a Y chromosome, to create a child. Instead he makes the flawed assumption that this said child's body came only from her "mama." I can only assume that this is one of several things "Will.I.Am" doesn't understand.
Or perhaps it is that he simply cannot stand the idea that part of that hot woman was actually the product of a dude. This, of course, is absurd, but so is the video.
Also, as and added bonus to Mr. Reefer, this video contains large amounts of T and A. You're welcome.
