Valentine's Day Playlist-a-Palooza (not affiliated with Mitch-a-Palooza)

Ah yes, Valentine's Day. Your existence baffles many of us, especially those who know nothing about martyrs and Roman priests and their relation to Rolaids-Hearts (which are labeled "candy" by an irresponsible jackass). And frankly I'm also tired of everyone complaining how crappy a holiday it is, and WOE IS ME I HAVE NO DATE ON THIS ARBITRARY DAY ON THE CALENDAR. It's just enough for someone to attempt to look at a comic featuring naked angels for wisdom.



At this point, I'm ready to say that Valentine's Day has worn out its welcome. That's because not only does it make every dateless wonder feel like a schmuck (and really, don't we need more opportunities to remind these people of their pathetic existence?), but they're an unfair burden among those who are (un)luckily in love. They have to do things like remember that today is Valentine's Day, and then on top of that, they have to do stuff! Like go out to fancy restaurants that make unreasonable demands and require things like "pants", or buy organic chocolate (because it helps the environment? I'm not really sure about this one). In the end, it's a fucking lose-lose situation, and as a "winner", I don't fucking appreciate this (Ed. Note: the original draft did not include the quotation marks, but we can only assume that the statement was made sarcastically, and we have noted it as such).

Well, I'm here to help all of you out. For the past four years, I had a radio shift on Valentine's Day, even though my shifts were in constant flux. It's not like I could complain either, because hey, I sure as hell wasn't busy those nights. So I'll cheer you up with a fantastic playlist to help you through the night. On the other hand, I was also known to host the most depressing show on the station, because I tended to not pay attention to things like "mood" or "content" when I selected a playlist. So who knows if you'll end up in an even worse mood. But I'm saying right now that if you kill yourself after listening to this list, I and WDR are in no way responsible.

Here you go:

Stars of Track and Field - "Movies of Antarctica"
Radiohead - "Fake Plastic Trees"
The Rolling Stones - "Let's Spend the Night Together"
Soundgarden - "Burden In My Hand"
The Black Keys - "Your Touch"
Interpol - "Leif Erikson"
My Bloody Valentine - "When You Sleep"
Pearl Jam - "Hail Hail"
Pearl Jam - "Black"

Commercial Break!

My Morning Jacket - "I Will Sing You Songs"
The Flaming Lips - "Do You Realize??"
A Perfect Circle - "3 Libras"
Weezer - "Undone (The Sweater Song)"
Smashing Pumpkins - "Thirty-three"
The Jesus and Mary Chain - "Just Like Honey"
Death From Above 1979 - "Romantic Rights"
Blur - "Beetlebum"
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Modern Romance"


And depending on how the night is going...
Air - "Sexy Boy"

OR

Dead Kennedys - "Too Drunk To Fuck"


So, enjoy February 14. It's Thursday. That means "Lost" is on. I need to see what's the deal with these freight people...

The Most Splendiferous, Moumental Event in the History of the World

Two Words: Open Bar

I don't have many "near death" experiences. That is, I don't recognize most events as being such. But last weekend, I had one. And unlike other brushes with death, this one was fun.

So here's what happened: A friend of mine was turning 25, and as a celebration, he was renting out a bar for the night. That mean free drinks, food and limo service. Yes, I'd like caviar with that.

Without a doubt, this could only be an epic journey. OPEN BAR? Dios mio, man. So on the day of the party, I meet at my buddy's apartment and wait for the limo to pick us up. When it gets there, we have bottles of champagne and glasses in the thing along with our own sound system. It may have only taken us about 15 minutes to get to the bar, but in that time we killed 3 bottles of champagne and a bottle of Seagrams (I did not partake in the Seagrams). When we got to the bar, the driver rolled out the red carpet (THE red carpet) and we proceeded to the door.

The party was well underway when we came in, and the booze was flowing. I ordered myself a Johnny Walker on the rocks, and much to my dismay the bartender said they were out of it. Already? How could this be? He assured me that there were several other top shelf single malt scotches at my disposal. While I cannot remember what he brought me, I do recall that it was smooth and delicious.

I moved on to the food of the night. There were more things available than I could eat, but I satisfied myself with quesadillas and BBQ chicken wings. Soon enough, I realized that my scotch was gone and I needed something else to drink. This, and I was also covered in BBQ sauce from those wings. When I returned from the washroom, I went to the bar and ordered what any man in my position should order:

"Get me 4 Irish Carbombs."

I wasn't going to drink all of these. No man can just go in and drink 4 Irish Carbombs by himself. This isn't a question of whether or not this is possible (it is) but rather that Carbombs are a group activity. So I took my Carbomb (delicious) and ordered a specialty of the house: The Shanghai.

The name should have stopped me, but it didn't. The drink is a mix of hazelnut rum, orange juice and, I think, something else. It sounds a bit odd and, well, it is, but it also tastes pretty good.

But the Shanghai was a small drink, and it didn't last long. Something else was needed. The bar was crowded as hell now, like a grocery store in some apocalyptic scenario. It was every man for himself. Or woman.

"Who do I have to blow to get a drink around here?" I heard one girl say. In a mostly joking manner I said, "You know, if you flash the bartender it will probably get his attention." She looked at me. "Do you think that would really work?" "Well, it can't hurt." Sadly, this didn't actually come to be. Everyone agreed that this girl was the best candidate to make this plan work, but we eventually got served despite this. "Get me 3 berry mojitos."

Berry Mojitos? I was intrigued. Sure, it sounds like a sissy drink, but as a guy who is comfortable with who he is, I ordered the fucker. And I can tell you that it was delicious. It didn't even taste alcoholic, but the kick it gave after drinking it said otherwise. When I was done, I finished with a glass of Maker's Mark on the rocks.

It was around this time that things start to get blurry. I remember ordering 7 Jager bombs and getting a shot of Jager to go, but that's as far as pure recollection goes for this night. I do remember that following the Jager bomb I had the following: 2 shots Jager, 1 Maker's Mark on the rocks, 2 Hennesey on the rocks, 1 hazelnut rum and coke, 1 cucumber vodka tonic (I don't know how I ended up with this, but I drank it anyway) and 1 Jack on the rocks. Everything I consumed was between 8PM and 11:30PM.

So it's no wonder the world was blurry. I remember leaving that bar to go to another one. Then I remember my roommate walking me back home (and I was slapping a tree for some reason). Then I remember sitting in my kitchen as my roommate was eating some tomato soup, and I felt sick. Then I remember being helped to bed. Then I woke up, confused.

When I awoke the next morning, I went to the bathroom to find that I had vomit on my arm. This confused me, because I had not vomited in bed, nor did any vomit from my arm get on my bed. The day, from then on, was based on figuring out what I had done since I left the bar. As it is, I'll put it simply: I spent more money on drinks and puked outside a nightclub. Then I went home and made tomato soup and puked some more. Then I passed out, woke up, and puked again.



So...is there a lesson here? Yes; watch yourself, especially if it's open bar. It may be a good time, but you don't want to end up polishing your shoes (If you've ever seen/read "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas," you should know what I mean).

Alcohol: It's what you're drinking

A few recipes from the WDR crew for your Halloween party (or any other for that matter)

It's a well-known fact that the WDR crew is a fan of booze. The sauce. Strong drink. Firewater. So it should come as no surprise when I say that we have quite a few recipes for our imbibing pleasure. We all know The Devil's Balls is the "breakfast FOR champions," but what what about the late-night drinks?

Well, here they are:

The Red Swede

This is a rather mysterious drink characterized by it's not actually having a fixed recipe. Instead, this drink must follow these guidelines: It must be red, it must have a cherry in it, it must be delicious, and it must cost less than $5. Beyond that, it could really be anything. I made one last week with a mix of grenadine, rum, vodka and some Sprite. It was a bit too sweet, but a friend told me it tasted like "Swedish Fish." I can only assume this is true. I suggest trying to order it at a bar and see what they can come up with.

The Sickenator

This monster of a drink was created by Joe and Nic, and I'm pretty sure it lives up to the name. It involves (as I recall) mixing 1/2 bottle of Wild Turkey with 1/4 bottle of tequila. My stomach is frightened...

The Hard Henry

What comes off as probably the most homo-erotic drink on the list, the Hard Henry is also the weakest of the drinks so far. It is a mix of Henry Weinhard's Cream Soda with spiced rum. This was invented in the dorms as a way of drinking without getting an MIP ("But it's a soda pop, officer..."). This was surprisingly effective and surprisingly delicious. Mix about 1 1/2 shots of spiced rum in a bottle of cream soda (drink the first part so you'll have room). To mix, invert the bottle with your thumb over the top, much the same way you would with a Corona and lime.

The Whiskey and Coke Slurpee

The WDR crew is a big fan of the whiskey and coke (or at least the coke), and we also have been known to hit up the 7/11 for some Slurpee goodness. Why not combine the two? That's what we have here. Pretty self-explanatory. I guess it depends on how big a Slurpee you have or how strong you want the drink to be, but my roommate and I tried this with 32 ounce Slurpees and finished most of a bottle of whiskey in it. Great for summertime.

The Evil Robut

This is a drink that doesn't really have a story because I just made it up. Sure, I could have gone for "Zombie" or something like that (it is Halloween), but that's already a drink and I wanted to make fun of the way Joe's Dad says "robot." I also couldn't think of much else. Except for Pumpkin Brains. Hmmm...

Pumpkin Brains

Pumpkin Brains is really a kick in the nuts that your Halloween party is probably lacking (Note: We don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing). Pumpkin Brains is a mix of 2 parts lemon lime Gatorade, 4 parts pulpy orange juice, 1 part tequila and 1 part Bacardi 151. After a couple a couple of these you will probably be making out with the French Maid or Robin, depending. Undoubtedly you'll regret the decision but continue to drink this one anyway.



So that's it for this post. You have any better ideas? I doubt it. But if you do, post 'em. We do love drinking...