We Must Win the War for Hot Dog Technological Supremacy

When you're traveling on a budget, some things have to be sacrificed. One area where a lot of money can be saved is in the food part of your budget. As a result, even though I've been traveling to different countries every week, I haven't taken the time to indulge in some of the finer cuisine.

That isn't to say I haven't sampled the local flavors, it's just usually on the cheaper side. One of the joys of going to Northern/Central Europe is the abundance of various sausages. I mean, beer and sausage, who doesn't love a healthy balanced meal?

Here's how a proper German bratwurst looks like. Notice the great size, and the good amount of mustard. Much to my disappointment, sauerkraut was not an option.



Now the disparity between bread and hot dog is just ridiculous. In this case, the bread acts as merely a hot dog-holding device, much like a glorified potholder. It's comical and inefficient.

Now compare this to the sausage from Vienna. No, this wasn't a Vienna sausage, stop trying to confuse me. I believe this was a bratwurst as well, but I was just picking wursts at random--whatever sounded good and spicy was my sole criterion for choosing.



Now notice the difference in the bread. This is an amazing use of bread technology to help support the enjoyment of the hot dog. As most sausage enthusiasts are too well aware, the bread often breaks apart, or provides insufficient coverage to protect the taster from spillover of precious precious condiments. But this design of the bread solves all problems! The condiments are contained, and there is no mess! Truly a tasty, enjoyable experience.

My question is why hasn't pure American ingenuity come up with this design? We must steal the blueprints for this and proceed posthaste in constructing an American prototype. WE MUST NOT ALLOW FOR A HOT DOG GAP!

Meaningless Debate: Best Repairman

People have always wondered how things measure up to other things. Like, who would win in a fight: a bear or a shark? Dinosaurs or man? Alien or predator?

These imaginary competitions are really meaningless, but they're also alluring in a somewhat retarded way. And so it is with great pleasure that I announce the first WDR Meaningless Debate: Best Repairman!

Our first contender: Archibald "Harry" Tuttle


The awesome repairman/government subversive in Terry Gilliam's Brazil. Played by Robert DeNiro.

Quote: "Listen, this old system of yours could be on fire and I couldn't even turn on the kitchen tap without filling out a 27b/6... Bloody paperwork"

Contender number 2: Bill


The repairman from the craptastic voyage that is House 2: The Second Story. He's played by John Ratzenberger and is probably the best thing in the movie. That and the crystal skull thing that was important for some reason.

Quote: (Looking into a hole in the wall) "There it is. Looks like you've got some kind of alternate universe in there or something."



There they are! Now it's time for you, the reader, to debate who is the better fictional repairman. GO!

Attention Radio Programmers

There is nothing "Awesome" about the 80's.

Absolutely nothing.

At least from anything that you would actually play in your "Awesome 80's" weekend. You're not playing The Replacements, or Jesus and Mary Chain, or early Pixies or late Joy Division.

So, never use those two concepts in the same sentence ever again.

I mean, do you fucking remember the 80's? And no, cocaine nightmares don't count.



Signed,

Concerned Listeners of America

Rampant Idiocy Run Amok

There are few things that are more infuriating than genuinely stupid policies. I'm sure you've reacted in very much the same way that I have when confronted with these--lots of anger, harsh words, cars being thrown, etc. But the important thing is not to ask who set what on fire, but why on earth these stupid policies exist in the first place.

The first target of my wrath is Hollywood Video. Now, I don't have a problem per se with the store itself--it often has a great selection (for Salem) of foreign and older movies, and the clerks are good about canceling your late fees. No, my problem is with their new policy of having you set up a new account for each Hollywood Video location.



That's right, for every Hollywood Video location, you need to have a membership at that particular location.

Why? You have my information already, what with my card being processed and it telling you that I have a goddamn membership at another location! Is it necessary that you make me go through these steps to find out my address and/or phone number if I'm late with a movie? Because that's the entire reason for setting up a membership. And I have to say, video clerk lady should not bitch at me that she has to fill in the information for me...when she would have to do to so regardless even if I filled out the pointless paperwork beforehand. That shit is still going into the computer.



Stop it Hollywood Video. You're making my head hurt.