Dear Mr. Wayne Diego,
All the various news outlets are talking about an impending writers' strike, and how it will affect our movie and TV-watching. It's really important, because America's number one priority is what is bombarding our eye-sockets (though we are still at the forefront in the fight against skull-fucking). So my question is, are you going to show solidarity with your brethren and strike as well, or are you a "filthy hippie pinko scab", as my dad calls me. I like turtles.
--Smapdi (age 8)
Joe Reefer responds:
Thank you young reader for your support. Have a WDR button, and remember to attach easily-removable magnets to your SUV to show your support for our troops fighting overseas, because that is an alarmingly prescient way of showing our commitment. Who says irony is dead?
/form letter B
Nic Ouzo responds:
Smapdi, I want to assure you that we here at The Wayne Diego Report are very much aware of the writers' strike, as we have been watching events very closely. We have agonized over the decision of whether or not we should follow suit as well, and let me tell you we drank a lot of Hard Henry's in making our decision.
We have come to the decision that we are going to continue publication of our blog without any foreseeable interruptions in the future. The strike is over the sharing of profits of DVD sales and "new media", like internet crap. Since our parent company, Generica Industries, has signed us to an enormously benevolent contract, we already receive over 80% of all WDR DVD sales, and since we already exist as a New Media entity, we have direct control over that revenue stream. Our WDR movie will continue as planned, with initial estimates of spring 2011 being the release date (which should still allow it to premiere before "Christmas On Mars"). I know some of you are interested in the launch of our WDR cable network, but those talks have stalled as we wrestle with some essential problems: my frightening physical presence, the fact that Joe is wanted in 6 states for failure to pay child support, and that Mr. Zhuang fears that the television cameras will steal his soul. As for the writers in our print division, they can go fuck themselves. Some of us don't appreciate it when you piss in the punchbowl at the Christmas party.
As for any other show of solidarity, well, we're not going to follow any of it up. In fact, if someone like The Daily Show decided that they would be better off with new, non-union writers, we'll gladly take the reins. We promise to be 9.7 times more satirically vicious, and 4.3 times more consistent (whether that means consistently "funny" or otherwise is yet to be determined--somebody fucked up in running the regression formula with that data, but we should get you an answer sometime next week). And we'll do it purely out of the love of comedy, which apparently wins out over our political sensibilities.
Why would we take that drastic step? Well, it's because we're not a part of their fancy-pants union. Oh, we tried to become members, we've tried to play by their rules, but apparently a couple of College Newspaper credits between the three of us aren't enough. And they released the hounds on us, the ones with the bees in their mouth so that when they bark they shoot bees (they have the technology). And frankly, we haven't gotten over the mental wounds of being treated so shoddily.
So fuck 'em.
Mr. Zhuang responds:
Television has writers?
