The Real Reason I Want To Be A Lawyer: Part II

Is so I could judicially beat the crap out of people like this guy.



In my contracts class, we discussed the case of Leonard v. Pepsico. Some asshat saw the above ad and decided "I'm going to get myself a Harrier Jet". Of course, this would have been my same attitude when I saw this ad at age 10. But it took some 21 year-old douchebag to try and actually claim the prize seen in the ad.

He of course failed, for a variety of reasons (one, an ad is not an offer and two, it was so ridiculous that no reasonable person could construe it as an offer, for example), but let us not forget Leonard. He saw that there were 7 million Pepsi points needed, and deciding he didn't want to drink the necessary Pepsi products to gain the points, but that he would buy the points as Pepsi allowed, at 10 cents a point. We must also remember the 5 other investors that he got to tag along to get him to raise the $700k necessary to complete the transaction (once he had the minimum 15 Pepsi points, so he did have to endure the Unclean Cola to some extent). Those fuckheads need to be remembered as well.

The only thing I could think when reading the hilarious decision (complete with dissection of the nature of humor (no, seriously)) was 1) I really need to smack this kid and 2) I hope he gets tooth decay. And I think if I was a judge, I'd make this happen.

See, law school isn't totally lame.

The Real Reason I Wanted To Become A Lawyer

Sure, I'm a big fan of things like social justice and looking out for the little guy, along with all that malarkey about doing "what's right". But any idiot can do something positive to help the world. It takes a true magnificent bastard to just use the law to waste people's time. Like State Sen. Ernie Chambers. He's suing God. For something or another--I would guess it would have to be the whole "suffering of the innocent" or "bad things happening to good people" or for the existence of Glenn Beck, but Chambers actually went with "God Is A Terrorist".

Now I don't know what's worse--the fact that this story is practically the same as a storyline from Ally McBeal, or that I actually remember a commercial for that damn show from about 10 years ago instead of important things like how interest rates affect the economy or how to throw a knuckleball. At this point, I'm leaning more towards "Column B".


However, this story DOES give me the opportunity to pass along the greatest legal maneuver ever pulled. You can read all about it here, but here's the highlight:

Pursuant to that lawsuit, Washington filed a “Motion to Kiss My Ass” in which he moved “all Americans at large and one corrupt Judge Smith to kiss my got damn ass sorry mother fucker you.”

I'm so damn proud to be an American right now.