Charlotte Sometimes is not Cypress Hill

In fact, who the fuck is she?

One thing is for certain, Charlotte Sometimes is not Cypress Hill. So it's understandable that I would be confused when I saw a video of her title "How I could Just Kill a Man."

I don't know how this managed to happen, but it did. I just stumbled upon it and I don't know what to think. Then again, I am also REALLY hung-over.

Oregon Matters!

The one (and only) benefit to the drawn-out Democratic Primary campaign has been the attention paid to some, ahem, lesser states. And Oregon certainly fits that bill. It's about time that people learn the finer points of...timber payments? And have the media visit such illustrious locales as...Albany. And Pendelton. Because THIS is America, fuck yeah.

At least we had a brief bit of national attention to our quirky little state. Granted, most of this occurred around 11 p.m. Eastern Time, but at least we got all the insomniacs on the up and up about the O-Regon. Everyone had a crash course in the total awesomeness that is the vote-by-mail system that we have in place; words like "sophisticated" and "efficient" were thrown around, especially as we had 50% of the vote counted within an hour, the kind of terms not usually associated with Oregonians. And we also had the great delight to hear CNN's John King refer to Salem as a "college town". Of course, people that are familiar with the area would probably call it a town full of old people and meth heads, but who's to quibble?



We also learned that even though Oregon is waaaaaaaay white, we are apparently "affluent" and "educated". This would be news to 97% of Oregonians, but then again, when you're competing against Kentucky, it's hard NOT to look impressive. And the fact that most rural, white, hard-working Oregonians voted for Mr. Obama means absolutely nothing, because Kentucky went so hard the other way.

That's the story of Oregon: Always overshadowed by Kentucky. Damn you, Colonel, and your delicious herbs and spices!

Why We Shouldn't Care About West Virginia

There's a reason why Deadspin always refers to The Mountain State as West Fuckin' Virginia (wait a minute, that's their nickname? Goddamn, that'll just about prove every point I'm going to make from here on out). And it's not a compliment, folks.

No, West Virginia is the kind of state where this happens. That's right, over 60% of the voters in West Virginia thought that Hillary's "Gas Tax Holiday" idea was a bang-up idea, good show, and all that. In West Virginia, they don't care that EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ECONOMIST says it's a failure of an idea, and that anyone who has spent more than...3 seconds thinking about the idea also realizes this is the case.

I think the fact that West Virginia not only voted for Bush once, but TWICE, should indicate the level of intelligence of the electorate there. But for once, Bush has the right words to say about that kind of thinking:

No Talent Ass-Clowns United in Marriage!

Good God, WHY?!

Yes, I saw this up on CNN today. Most times I really don't give a shit about celebrity weddings, celebrity gossip, etc. But this one really snagged me because it was so fucking aggravating.

Why is it that these people get to be rich? It's not like ONE of them has talent and the other doesn't. Neither of them have talent! Pete Wentz won't even try to play a decent sounding bass. He's rich as fuck and he won't even take that TINY FUCKING STEP. None of these people deserve what they have. They are a drain on society.

Not that this is anything new, really, but it doesn't make it any less aggravating. Especially when you musicians like Dan Schmid (bassist for the Cherry Poppin' Daddies) who have to make their living selling me tater-tots and beer. The roles should really be reversed here, but they aren't. Seriously, tip the man.

But I guess there is a bright side here: Stupidity is together with stupidity and thus more likely to get itself killed in some freakishly stupid way. God help us if they reproduce...

The Down And Dirty That Is Oregon Politics

Having grown up in Louisiana, I am no stranger to shady politics and backroom deals. Hell, we invented dirty politics, folks. But when Louisiana-style politics come to Oregon, well that's a story. Hell, these kind of tactics would make Huey Long blush.

This year in Oregon we have a particularly contentious race in the 5th Congressional District, which happens to be my home district. In 2006, I was a volunteer coordinator for the incumbent, Darlene Hooley, and sure enough we defeated her challenger, one Mike Erickson. But with Darlene's retirement at the end of her term, the 5th is once again in play. In an area where party registration is nearly equal, both sides are eager to get their hands on the seat.

Whereas the Democratic side is filled with a laundry-list of no-names, there are two heavy hitters for the Republicans. There's the aforementioned Erickson, who managed to at least get over 40% of the vote, and longtime Oregon politician, the infamous Kevin Mannix. Oregonians know well of his shenanigans over the years, but lately has been a big loser in the state-wide offices he sought. Even though he lost state-wide, he managed to win the area of the 5th each time, meaning that the race was going to be competitive.

And it's been neck-and-neck for some time, which means it was time to get dirty. Mike "Because I'm a Cowboy"* Erickson lobbed the first volley, playing the old "you voted to increase taxes" card, which in GOP circles is almost as bad as gay-marrying a terrorist (*the "Cowboy" reference is an inside-the-campaign joke that we had--it really means absolutely nothing, but is fucking hilarious anyway). How does Mannix respond to these fairly benign charges? With this letter.

This letter has it all: Affairs, Abortions, Cocaine, and...HOUSEBOATS?!?!



That's right, a week before ballots are due, Mannix pulls the old "my opponent paid for a secret abortion and had wild houseboat cocaine parties card". I think Buddy Roemer pulled that one in '88, except the houseboat was a pirogue in his case. And since blanket denials by the press secretary of the Erickson campaign isn't enough, the local papers are all over this like flies on shit. Proof? Who has time for that! Of course, the most amusing part about the coverage has been the focus on the secret abortion, and not the wild COCAINE PARTIES ON HOUSEBOATS. How is that NOT the most interesting part of the letter?

Man, leave it to the press to miss a good story entirely.

Thirsty Thursday!

Because let's face it: You probably have to do something tomorrow, but you're going to get drunk anyway.

Not that this really has anything to do with drinking, I just couldn't think of a title that included "Thursday" with much, how you say, pizzaz. "Thoroughfare Thursday"? That doesn't work. "Thoron Thursday"? Not that one either. See? No good names for it.

Anyway, I'm putting this post up because I just watched this video for Flight of the Conchords, and it was hilarious. Yeah, I've heard it before and watched the show on DVD a bunch, but still: Fun times. Now get out there with some rollerskates and enjoy the sun!

Hump day Helper -- DUEL! Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

I have been listening to Apologies to the Queen Mary religiously for the past month, and it has affected my day-to-day life. I'm constantly singing random keyboard noodlings, let out random yelps, and am concerned with the impact of ghosts on my daily life. I have also realized that in a year with some spectacular releases (Z, Silent Alarm, for example), this debut will be remembered as one of the great albums of 2005. And now that I have a bootleg copy of their upcoming June release, I'll only have more opportunity to get obsessed with Wolf Parade. How can you not love a band that writes "Now we'll say it's in God's hands/But God doesn't always have the best goddamn plans, does he?"

For the video selection, I decided to go with this goofy take on 17th century chivalry. Maybe it's because I recently saw Barry Lyndon, but I really dig the goofy take on the practice of dueling. The performance of a chicken halfway through the video also makes it a particularly memorable video. As for a description of the music, think of a more psychedelic version of Modest Mouse taking on the theme from Cheers. If that doesn't strike you (though it should), perhaps you should sample a song done by the group's other vocalist, like "Modern World" (and enjoy a goofy video while you're at it).

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine...

An Epic Journey To The Big Screen

Nominated for 0 Oscars, not even a freakin' Golden Globe


Have you ever traveled 50 miles to go see a movie? Have you ever done it twice in a weekend, to see the same movie no less?

That's exactly what I did this past weekend. Yes, I am aware of the Price of Gas, and no, I'm not completely insane. Perhaps I should explain myself--even though that's exactly what a crazy person would say (and I still defend myself from these ridiculous charges!).

I think one of the biggest qualifiers that defends my actions is the movie in question; it's not merely a movie, but a film of the highest order: Lawrence of Arabia. Not only a fantastic work of art, but one that nearly requires it to be seen on the Big Screen (much like say, 2001: A Space Odyssey and that other movie that people say, but I probably saw it on my medium-sized TV and I was pleasantly satisfied). When Lawrence of Arabia is playing a limited weekend run on the big screen, and you have no other prior plans, there's really no reason why you shouldn't go. In fact, you'd be an asshole not to go. That's right, you'd be an asshole. There, I said it--I'm looking in your direction, Frank. Wanna fight about it?



The fact that it was Lawrence of Arabia had added significance as well. For months now, I had been meaning to watch it again, since the only time I had seen it was on TV when I was eight, and the only thing I can remember was...sand. Lots and lots of sand. Since I've made an effort in the past year to really dive into The Art of Film, I couldn't have a blind spot like this in my education. However, I had neglected to rent it every time, because I knew that I would end up falling asleep on the couch, no matter what. But the blind spot eventually caught up to me.

I recently accompanied my friend (and occasional contributor to WDR) Von Bookman to a Trivia Night up at Harvard, and had acquitted myself rather well, proving that Dartmouth men know a little bit beyond drinking Keystone Lights and degrading women. Like anagrams! Clint Eastwood is Old West Action indeed. Actually, I had proven myself to be quite an asset to our little team, and we were in striking distance of capturing the title for the night. We had come to the last question, and we had to bet the maximum to potentially win. What 227-minute 1962 epic had no speaking parts for women?

My answer for the team: Spartacus. Result: FAILURE.



You can probably determine what the correct answer was, and I felt great shame in bringing such dishonor to my alma mater. And it turns out that Spartacus had speaking parts for women, so that means I should probably watch that one again.

So I had the additional motivation of making up for my past mistake and actually setting out to watch the film. You can bet I'll always remember that trivia question. And with a theater in Port Land playing the film less than a week after I arrived back on the West Coast, I could only take it as a sign that I needed to watch it. So I made the trip, one that I had only done once before (to see There Will Be Blood before it would hit wide release a month later) and shit yeah, it was worth it. I spent nearly four hours in awe, and not even the guy two rows back and 10 seats over whose snoring drowned out some key dialogue could have ruined it.

Oh, and you may ask, why did I make the trip twice? Because I got lost finding the theater the first time. Thanks for bringing that up, asshole.

All the shit I haven't posted because I've been busy as hell

Or perhaps some better title...

It's been a while since I posted a blog on this and I feel the need to do so now because I have time. I've spent the last few weeks in Eastern Africa , running from crocodiles. It was a pretty intense ride, but I managed to make it back in one piece back home.



A lot has been going on that I've wanted to post about, so Let's get started!

Obama Came to UO Again

And this time I was there for it. Unlike the previous appearance, this one was outside and involved a lot more people. It also helped that the "street fair" was in town and I could feast on elephant ears and corn dogs while the man spoke. I could sort of see him from where I was, but it wasn't until a journalism colleague of mine with an awesome zoom lens offered me a look through his camera that I was able to see that it was, in fact, Obama. The audio was running strong, though, so I was still able to hear the whole speech. There was also an appearance from my homie D-Faz, who went toe-to-toe on the mike with Obama himself.

Now, I know that political speeches are mostly bullshit, but this guy has it down. If he can do half the shit he says, it's worth the vote. What I really got out of it was that this guy has the conviction to TRY to make things work. And while people pull the bullshit "not enough experience" card, let me just say that it can work to his advantage. Maybe he's still pretty well in touch with the wants and needs of people, compared to the opposition. Or maybe I got a beer with the guy afterwards and thought he was pretty cool.* Whatever the case, he's got my vote.

New NEW Nine Inch Nails!

Yes, this needed to be posted. The new NIN album, The Slip, was released online as a free download. Let's just say that this made me a very happy camper. I could go on, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'll say anyway. Awesome.

Stephen Malkmus

I saw Stephen Malkmus on the 30th of April, and I must say that it was pretty awesome. Not only did I have front and center position in an already small venue, but I also got to talk to the man himself. Oh, and the ticket was free. The show was a hell of a lot better than the last time Nic and I saw him perform and a buddy of mine who has seen Malkmus several times said it was the best performance he's seen, too. The show went for almost two hours and it was all worth it.

Iron Man

I just saw Iron Man today and I was very pleased. Iron Man was not one of the comics I really got into as a kid, but the story is pretty cool. When I found out that Robert Downey Jr. would be playing Iron Man, I thought "This could be pretty cool." It was an interesting choice considering Downey's struggles with substance abuse and that of the character Tony Stark in the film. Then I noticed that Jeff Bridges was also in the film and that Jon Favreau was directing. It just got better and better. Then, when I watched the film itself, I discovered that it starred someone that made the movie even more awesome.

Tom Morello.

I won't tell you anymore about this, but let's just say this made me very happy. Also, Tom lends a hand on the soundtrack with "additional guitar." So check this one out. Awesome.

Also, Robert Downey Jr. has some pretty funny facial hair throughout the movie (the "is that painted on?" mustache) and Jeff Bridges is the bald bad guy.

You've got to see it.

And...

That's about it. I need to go grab some brews for my roomie's birthday.

God's Limited Set of Blueprints: Campaign 2008 Edition

We're big fans of politics around here, so we spend a lot of time checking out the coverage on the various cable news outlets. Often times this leads to righteous indignation (see our post on the coverage of the Pennsylvania primary), and justly so. But this is not always the case.



One of the bright spots of the campaign coverage has been the introduction of Chuck Todd, MSNBC's resident number-cruncher and Delegate-Guru. He knows his stuff when it comes to how the delegates shake out, but he also realizes that this isn't a big deal--it's really not all that hard to plug in a couple of percentages and getting a delegate count. In other words, he'll lighten up on occasion and realize that when he's expounding on the meaning surrounding the numbers, it's generally bullshit.

But during his time on the air, I couldn't help but wonder where did this guy come from, and where had I seen him before. Then during Tuesday's coverage, it hit me.



Chuck Todd is clearly just a pseudonym for Dante Hicks. I for one am glad to see that he's advanced beyond Clerkdom and has left the world of Mooby's/Quick Stop for the glamor that is MSNBC.

The best part of this realization was that as Tuesday's coverage continued into the late night, Chuck was clearly getting pissed. At some point during the night, especially during the goofy lounge setup of the After Hours segment, he had just about enough. As Joe pointed out, we were about two seconds away from Chuck exclaiming "I wasn't even supposed to be here today!" Only then would this abomination of a campaign have been worth it.

Hump Day Helper - Un Chien Andalusia Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

Alright, well I'm heading back to the West Coast after an extended sojourn in Boston, and what better way to close it out by playing a video from Boston's Greatest, The Pixies. Not only is the band empirically great (many scientific formulas have been created that can attest to this), but the band is a big favorite of each of the contributors around here. So I'm sure that this choice will be met with universal acclaim.

So I'll let the Pixies take it away, as they describe what it's like to see one fucked-up movie, man.

I wanna grow up to be, be a debaser...

Deconstructing Pennsylvania

Once everyone forgot about it...


It is usually best to analyze events once a certain amount of time has passed, so that one can fully take in what has happened and process it. You know, gain some perspective. Of course, this flies in the face of the mantra of Cable News and Media Punditry, who thrive in the world of Insta-Analysis and Whiplash Judgments, so the idea of "perspective" may seem crazy to some of you. But here at WDR, we thrive on the crazy, so we're bringing you analysis...two weeks later. When everyone is concerned about two other states.

The immediate story that everyone picked up on was the fact that with a double-digit win in Pennsylvania, Hillary Clinton had proven that Barack Obama is an intrinsically weak candidate who was destined for failure, and that she had the keys to victory in November. The momentum was now moving in her direction, and we had a new game on our hands. Of course, this was a narrative that while interesting, didn't really mesh with what happened in reality.


First off, Clinton did not win by double digits. Since the media doesn't seem to understand the principles of rounding numbers, most didn't realize that by rounding Hillary's numbers up and by rounding Obama's numbers down, they artificially inflated the distance between their numbers--turning a 9.2% victory into a magical double-digit 10& victory. There's a huge psychological difference between winning by double digits versus single, and Hillary shouldn't have been able to play that up in the days after the primary.

Clinton also loved to play up the underdog angle in Pennsylvania, and the media was willing to eat it up. While in terms of national numbers (and in the progress of the entirety of the campaign) this may be true, that was definitely not the case in the state itself. Nearly two months before the primary, Hillary's lead in the state was mammoth, somewhere in the range of 25%. The fact that Obama was able to chip it all the way down to 9%, during a time in which he was hammered from all sides on various controversies, says more about the failings of Clinton than it does of Obama.

The other overlooked aspect of Clinton's initial advantage in the state was the support that she had by all the top party brass in the state. She had the support of Governor Ed "Eddie Rendazzo" Rendell, an incredibly popular figure in the state, and the support of the Mayor of Philadelphia, among others. This built-in advantage was a key factor in her win, and was too much for Obama to potentially overcome.


The other big story was the issue of capturing the "white working-class vote". Who knew that White Men held any power in the United States? That sure caught me by surprise, boy howdy. Why couldn't Obama latch onto these voters? This of course overlooks the fact that Obama did well in such locales known for their diversity, like Idaho and Maine. The reality is that Obama does not generally have a problem with whites per se. It is just that Hillary Clinton is like the Andromeda Strain of race politics--she only can work within a narrow range of minority populations. The real problem demographic that Obama has had trouble with is voters over 65--if you look at the results across the nation, he consistently loses by huge margins to this group. Of course, when he actually brought this fact up, it was dismissed. Nothing like letting the facts get in the way of a good story.

But perception is often reality, and Hillary was able to use Pennsylvania as a jumpstart to her Quixotic campaign, at least in the media's eyes. We now had to see what the problem was with Obama, pushing the story that "he can't close this one out". Of course, this discounts the fact that Obama's opponent is an incredibly able politician with millions of people who support her--it's difficult to turn off a faucet that powerful, in other words.



In the end, we'll forget all about Pennsylvania and these two weeks leading up to Indiana and North Carolina, as we realize that all along Hillary only had Joementum, not momentum. And Joementum is no way to win a campaign.

Hump Day Helper -- Mighty Mighty Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

Continuing with my Boston theme, what better band to use than one that uses the name of the town as a pun in their name? That's why we have The Mighty Mighty Boss Tones on tap. Not only is the name clever, it's kind of apropos. You don't fuck with Dicky Barrett and his boys.

I remember loving this song when it first came out, from the goofy philosophical lyrics to the full big band sound. Plus, the video had some subtly nifty special effects, and that always helps. I even liked it despite the fact that there's a dude in the band that just dances, which I guess means he was just inheriting the legacy of Bez from the Happy Mondays, as I would learn from 24 Hour Party People. The point is, it's time to have some fun.

I'm not a coward, I've just never been tested.
I'd like to think that if I was I would pass.
Look at the tested, and think there but for the grace go I.
Might be a coward, I'm afraid of what I might find out!

You people voted for Hubert Humphrey, and you killed Jesus!

OK, not exactly...

I really had no choice but to click a link titled "Feds: Teen wants to die, go to heaven, kill Jesus."

Frankly, I find the whole thing baffling. Kill Jesus? In Heaven? Now, I'm not expert when it comes to Christianity, but I'm pretty sure you can't kill people in Heaven because they're already dead. Furthermore, if you DID kill someone in Heaven, where would they go? Detroit? I think not.

Obviously this kid is a little more than off his rocker, if you know what I mean. (I am only vaguely aware of what that means.) Still, I'm not sure that life imprisonment is really the answer. Perhaps he should be sent to high security mental hospital, but a life sentence? I don't really see how that option is helpful.

Anyway, off to greater and more important things in the news. Like, uh, some bear, aptly called "Sleepy Bear," can't seem to stay awake. This is totally newsworthy.

CNN, you never fail to fail. I mean ... amaze me.

The People's Republic Of Cambridge Can Be Hilarious

I'll be sure to give you a more thorough glimpse into life on the East Coast. But I just had to post this great picture.



In case you don't notice what's great about this building, let me just say that There Is A Face. And it's ears are steaming. Adding to the hilarity is the fact that it's also the home of the Jewish Club at Harvard. When those lights are on and the ears are steaming, break out the Manischewitz because it's time to party!

Too Much of a Good Thing

The Perils of Music Licensing

It's safe to say that all the co-authors are rather big fans of the band Spoon. And what's not to like? We can all get behind well-crafted songs with spastic guitar solos, I imagine. If one of us was to throw on a record like Kill The Moonlight in the car, not one of us would raise an objection--we'd sit there and nod, congratulating the fine choice. Spoon was even one of the better concerts I saw last year, even if they didn't play "Sister Jack" (I mean, how can you not enjoy a song that starts out "Always on the outside, always looking in/I was in this drop-D metal band we called Requiem"). But dammit if Spoon hasn't begun getting on my nerves.

That's because I'm beginning to hear Spoon everywhere these days. And oversaturation kills even the greatest creativity.



It started out innocently enough. Promos for the movie Stranger Than Fiction would feature occasional instrumental snippets, which made sense since Portlander Britt Daniel did the score to the movie. Plus, it helps that in retrospect that the it was a damn good (if overlooked) film. However, marketing executives seemed to pick up on the band, and began using their music in countless ads, most notably "My Mathematical Mind". If anything was in any way tangentially related to "math" or "science", you were going to hear that song as backing music, as it was done (most obnoxiously) for that recent shitfest, 21. I thought I was done being tormented by a formerly-loved song, but alas, it is now the background music to a nationwide car commercial.


The thing is, it's not even totally Spoon's fault. At this point, there are apparently session players that are being told by Marketing Execs to "give my that 'Spoon' sound", resulting in car commercials with music that sounds suspiciously like "I Turn My Camera On". I also can't fault Spoon for looking to get a little extra money through licensing--I'm not even sure if they've had a gold record, so I'm not going to hold it against a consistently artistically brilliant band to earn some well-deserved compensation for their efforts.

So I write this in order to just ask for a moratorium on the use of Spoon in commercials for the next 18 months, so I can go back to enjoying a band I love in the manner that it was meant to--through the album. But since I'm sure my request will fall on deaf ears, I'll just put a smile on the viewer's face with this 90's nostalgia throwback:

Hump Day Helper -- Wicked Awesome Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

For some reason, I have decided that I needed some R&R out on the East Coast. That means hanging out with old college buddies, friends that I haven't seen in .8 years. I can only hope that they don't remember the various injuries I inflicted on them due to my several episodes of drunken shenanigans. More on this, as it develops.

In honor of this change in locale, Boston bands will be getting the spotlight here on the HDH. And, for the record, The Departed was seriously bad-ass.

Shipping up to Boston
To find my wooden leg!...

New NIN? Again? YES!

I can barely contain myself

New NIN single "Discipline" available on the Nine Inch Nails website RIGHT NOW. FOR FREE. GO GET IT.



Capslock: off.

I think Joe Reefer said it best:

Joe Reefer: Damn, he put up the remix pack already too?
Mr. Zhuang: yeah

Joe Reefer: He is a fucking music machine!

Yes he is, Joe. Yes he is.

Three CDs for a dollar? SWEET!

A magical journey to the bargain bin

Sometimes a good deal is apparent and available. Other times you have to dig through a bunch of bullshit to get to a decent deal. This is one of the latter.

So, I went out to the local CD Game Exchange to look for some new CDs. I found several things I wanted to buy in the $5 section, though they are all scratched to shit. So I moved on to the bargain bin. Now, some might say "If the $5 CDs were all scratched, why would you look for something cheaper?" or "Isn't $5 for a CD already the bargain bin?" Those who would ask this have obviously never experienced the greatness of CD Game Exchange. This is most unfortunate.

Anyway, I get over to the bargain bin and dig in. First I find most of the usual shit: Backstreet Boys singles, bands I've never heard of in my life, bands that I have heard of that are awful, and Lil Bow Wow. Then something caught my eye:


There was really no way I could pass this up. I'm not sure what 'Patches' was up to on this one exactly (drunken listening sessions yielded inconclusive results), but I'm pretty sure this thing was all about getting with a lady to some smooth jazz. Oh, yeah. So, there was no way I could not buy this. And besides, the deal is 3 CDs for $1. What else could I buy that would be more for a mere thirty-three and a third cents? Exactly.

But now I was in a pickle: I needed to find something else to purchase with it to make the deal. My friend Brandon didn't think it was possible, and he was getting sick of the bargain bin fair. I had to do something...

So it was about this time that I found it. And by it I mean "the two other CDs." Hidden under a bunch of really awful looking stuff, I found "Coneheads." That's right. Now, I don't really need this CD because I already have a copy of "Soul to Squeeze" from the Red Hot Chili Peppers' greatest hits album, but that's hardly the point. I mean, I also got "Tained Love" by Soft Cell and "Fight the Power" by... Barenaked Ladies? Yes, this was truly a great find.

Then there was one more. One more album that I could pull out of the mess of CDs. I found it hidden on the bottom shelf. It was... "The Beavis and Butthead Experience." Really, aside from not separating the intro sections from the actual songs, this is a pretty good album. It's got Nirvana (I Hate Myself and Want to Die), White Zombie (I Am Hell), Primus (Poetry and Prose), Red Hot Chili Peppers (Search and Destroy) and, of course, Beavis and Butthead with Cher (I Got You Babe).

So, with this, I went to the cash register and emptied the change from my pocket and got three new CDs. Life is good.

But now I'm going to do some other stuff. Maybe I'll throw some "Penetration" on the stereo...

... Ladies?

Catholicism NOW!

Oh, media. I didn't realize the United States was a Catholic country until this week. With the constant fawning coverage of The Pope (non Space- version), one would be hard-pressed to come up with an alternative conclusion, at least one that wasn't as accurate as that of Intelligent Falling.

The man has had more cameras trained on him than [insert lame Britney/Paris Hilton/random other "socialite" name here (seriously, there's no real good joke here to tell)]. So much so, that I'm beginning to think that the "C" in CNN might not stand for "Cable". We eagerly await his arrival, set up multiple press conferences, and spend countless hours admiring his choice in fancy hatwear. Then we all pretend to listen to Pope Speech 3C, with the calls to end war and stem cell research and love each other and so on. You know, typical hippie crap (they never were really big fans of science (and reason) either).

The point is, it's all a bit ridiculous, no? Well, beyond the idea of a "pope", a rotating position that bestows fucking infallibility on a bishop of a specific township based on the votes of a few other bishops. We understand that he's the spiritual leader of a lot of people (I mean, every other entertainer you listen to has been "raised Catholic"--not to mention, 5 out of 9 Supreme Court Justices (with another being Episcopalian, aka "practically Catholic")), but is wall-to-wall sycophantic coverage truly necessary? Give me a 2 minute rundown, and be sure to include tips on weeding out potential fake Popes (hi-top sneakers, incredibly foul mouth, etc.)

Besides, there's only one Catholic leader that I'll listen to.



I eagerly anticipate a threatening phone call from Bill Donahue any minute now.

Hump Day Helper -- Zelig Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

So these crazy bastards had an album come out a couple of weeks ago, and I'm digging it. Yes, everybody's favorite one-off project actually stuck together to record a follow-up to the acclaimed St. Elsewhere. While not as slick and catchy as their debut, I'm ready to say that The Odd Couple will be getting more than a few plays on my stereo in the next few months.

But we're going back to an overlooked song off the debut, instead of the new single. I mean, why oversaturate one of the few videos that get played on the "music" channels? Plus, we do our best in limiting the amount of Justin Timberlake on our blog; we figure that this is a beneficial policy for everyone involved. Cee-Lo brings the incredible voice, Danger Mouse brings the musical craftsmanship, and everyone brings the crazy.

And I can tell you know how hard this life can be, but you keep on smiling for me...

Keeping It Short

I don't care about the polygamists in Texas. Seriously. Cut it out.

No more news, no more coverage. And definitely no more shit on the front page of your website.

I'd much rather have a full hour of Stephen Colbert on Larry King, dammit. That way we can be amazed when a 328 year old humanoid understands Colbert's whip-smart humor at a 32% clip.



If you see one movie the rest of your life...make sure it's...Jungle 2 Jungle!

The Thing That Should Not Be

In other words: Things That Shouldn't Exist, Yet Here They Are

If you've ever been to a college party, or have seen what a fifteen year old tries to buy with a fake ID, you've certainly come across this product.



We are all familiar with the inherent failure that is the "flavored malt beverage". You take all the fun out of beer, by making it so incredibly artificially fruity, and you take all the fun out of schnapps, by making it so powerfully weak, and you get the Smirnoff Ice. It's a drink that says "I can't handle alcohol" or "I do not want to scuff my boat shoes", if you really get down to it. Utterly pointless, especially considering you get more of a buzz from snorting Pixie Stix.

Now imagine what you know already, but with one word added: LIGHT.

That's right. Flavor scientists have now created for the body public the wonderfully retarded drink, Smirnoff Ice Light. Now Google Image Search has failed me once again in providing an actual look at this concoction, but I assure you, it does indeed exist. It's a drink that says not only everything I mentioned before, but that "When I party, I need to count carbs".

I'll say it once, and I'll say it again, people. If you're going to drink, actually drink something, for God's sake. This is unacceptable. I'm pretty sure that this is the real reason behind home foreclosures.

Tales of Old Salem Towne: Of Glass Bongs And Lucky Fortunes

Salem: Taking the Fun Out of Psychedelics Since the Mid-19th Century

Nothing may ever top the tale of Methheads On The Loose, but that doesn't mean that the exploits of Salemfolk should be ignored. No, there is simply too much good shit that goes down in Capital City that needs to be remarked upon, and we're here to fulfill that purpose.

Now, I'm not one for studying the local paper--I skim a headline or two, and mainly check the various Op-Eds, because I'm a masochist like that (God forbid it's a Thursday and I have to examine a David Reinhard piece). But for some reason, fate drew me to this story on the bottom-fold of the front page, and I thank fate kindly for that. Simply put, it was a story of two men and their drugs.

Really, the headline "Glass bong becomes weapon amid drug-induced paranoia" says all you really need to know about the story. The story goes 1) Man eats mushrooms; 2) Man goes on bad trip; 3) Man accuses buddy of being a narc; 4) Man then uses closest thing to a weapon (the glass bong of the headline) to knock the shit out of buddy. All of which is proof that there are certain people that should be prepared to take the path of bullshit enlightenment, and others that should just stick with huffing spray-paint in the safety of their attic, or just drinking like the rest of us. Of course, you could also take the lesson to be "Don't leave your glass shit lying everywhere".


On a completely unrelated note, Salem landmark "Lucky Fortune" restaurant & lounge is on the brink of losing their liquor license\, therefore making the entire operation potentially pointless. Mind you, I'm only using the term landmark in the loosest sense--in reality, it's only a landmark to the WDR crew, who have constructed an entire mythology behind what we believe to be the one mob-backed eatery in town (well, yakuza-backed to be specific). Of course, when we heard that the reason for this is the fact that people constantly get shot there, we couldn't say that we were surprised. Not coming from a place that recently scored a 48 on its health inspection test.

We'll be sure to keep you updated, as more trivial retarded shit develops.

Hump Day Helper -- "Elegant Bachelors" Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

The big news this week is the reunion of '90s alterna-rockers Stone Temple Pilots, so we honor them today as title-holders of "Hump Day Helper of random week in April". There are probably a few reasons why you may be greeting this news of pretty decent news with a collective "meh"--they weren't the best of the grunge bands (though they weren't as bad as a lot of the critics claimed)' they've only been gone for a while, and their offshoot projects (the craptacular Velvet Revolver and the better-than-you'd-think Army of Anyone) got some good airplay; and speaking of airplay, turn on Modern Rock radio and within a couple of hours you'll hear one of their hits. Plus, I have to mention that their last album, Shangri-La-Dee-Da, is a fucking atrocity.

That being said, I'm somewhat excited for their return. Sure, STP is no Soundgarden, but it's still something, right? We'll overlook the fact that they've decided to skip over Oregon in their reunion mega-tour, and celebrate the fact that STP was a pretty darn good band, Scott Weiland's lyrics aside. Trust me, listen to the guitar and bass parts to their songs, and tell me that the DeLeo brothers aren't great--Dean's brilliant use of strange chords and Robert's melodic bass are both worthy of respect.

While I feel their best song is either the ballad "Atlanta" or the mid-tempo mood piece "Big Empty", that doesn't really do the job of being a Hump Day Helper. So instead we're doing the rave-up, "Trippin' On A Hole In A Paper Heart", which simultaneously shows the rawk side of STP and the fact that Scott Weiland is pretty demented for coming up with a title like that.

So keep your bankroll lottery eat your salad day deathbed motorcade!

And if you're confused about the title of this post, this should help set you straight

Pepperjack is NOT playin'!

Some good news in the world of entertainment!


I don't watch a whole lot of TV at school because, well, I don't want to pay for it and the cable is only available in the other bedroom of my apartment. Still, when I lose a show that I like, it really brings me down. That's why I was glad to see that It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia will be coming back for a 4th season! (Ed. Note: And you could bet your ass that Nic is excited as well)

This isn't exactly a new development (Apparently Entertainment Weekly broke the story more than a month ago) but it's new to me, and that's what matters, right? Now I won't have to look for clips on YouTube to get my fix. And it means that fellow Oregon Duck Kaitlin Olsen will still be on TV, so EVERYONE wins!

Times are good.

The Most Disturbing Thing You'll See All Day

Well, I guess that all depends...

Today I made pilgrimage to the local CD Game Exchange, which is a popular place for the WDR crew for spending huge amounts of money. What I found there, and ultimately bought was not a copy of the Dandy Warhols' Thirteen Tales of Urban Bohemia (I wanted to hear a good version of "Big Indian," damn it!). It wasn't even the same medium as it turns out. What I found was a notorious 1999 film called Audition.

Now, you might be thinking "I don't know this movie" or "Is that a short film with Hilary Swank?" Well, you might not know it because it's Japanese and No. And let me also say that it isn't one of those movies like The Ring that just makes you angry for having spent time watching it (She can't just be evil! That doesn't make sense! GAH!). No, this is a truly scary film. It's not going to be remade in America, I can bet. It even scared Rob Zombie, which is saying something.

Now, I know that there's a lot of horrible shit out there on the interwebs (Two Girls One Cup as the most popular example and Meat Porn as one less so (Thankfully)), but this is just a really disturbing film. I mean, Jacob's Ladder was some scary shit (especially if you're in an altered state) but movie take it to another level. I'm not going to say more than that.

So, you should check it out. I just watched it today and now I'm approaching all canvas bags with caution...

Exercies in Political Discourse

I got this video from esteemed contributor Von Bookman, and there was no way that I was not going to put it up here. Now, I can't stand anything that has to do with RPGs or text-based nonsense games, but I'll tell you wha, this is some clever stuff right here.

The Presidential Race in less than 90 seconds:

The Tourney

I'm not a big fan of UCLA. I'm a Duck, and the only real connection I have to UCLA was my grandmother. Sadly, the Ducks are out of the race for the NCAA championship. This was a huge disappointment for most of the season actually, considering how well last year went (and how we only lost one huge player from that team). But, the Ducks are out, and I find myself half-heartedly supporting UCLA. I guess it's better than Stanford and the "What-the-fuck-is-it?" mascot thing they've got going. Seriously.

Also, my bracket is pretty fucked, from what I recall. I think I did have UCLA in the final four (perhaps even winning...) but fucking Yahoo won't let me look at my account and I've been too damn lazy to sort the fucker out. Oh, well...

Still, I think I did just as well as Dick Vitale, who probably wrote his out at Hooters. ("Yeah, Baby!") As it happens, this big Hooters banner ad came up as I wrote that. That's what I want to see with my buffalo wings: Dick Vitale.

Hump Day Helper -- Akron Blues Edition

Because it's Wednesday, and we all need a pick-me-up to make it through the rest of the week in our respective hells, WDR is providing some fun.

It doesn't get much better than The Black Keys when it comes to fucked-up blues rock, and frankly, that's something that we all need more of in our lives. I've stated before that if I owned a bar, I would have the entire catalog of the Keys on hand, because nothing says a classy establishment like those guys. It says you're here for some serious drinkin', and I don't have time for any of your bullshit.

They had a new album come out yesterday, and you bet your ass I got my hands on a copy of it as soon as I could. It's somewhat of a change from the more straight-forward warped-revival that they went with before, but that tends to happen when you add a producer like Danger Mouse to the mix. But I decided to dip into their past with this goofy-ass video directed by David Cross. And when that solo guitar comes ripping in at the end, you'll thank me.

You’ve got pains
Like an addict
10 A.M. automatic...